Zhihu hot post suitable for wife How did it become an offense?

A few days ago, I saw such a hot search on Weibo: How did "suitable for being a wife" become an offense?

This topic comes from Zhihu, and the subject is most likely a man.

He doesn't understand why some people think that "suitable for a wife" is a poison of patriarchal culture, a tool used to manipulate women's humanity.

Because he thinks that praising women as "suitable for being wives" is the same as praising men for being "suitable for being husbands", praising Yao Ming for "being suitable for playing basketball", and praising an actor for being "suitable for being an actor".

However,These two "compliments", are they really the same?

Before answering this question, I would like to talk about a plot from the hit drama "News Queen" that just recently ended.

Zhang Jiayan, one of the heroines, is an excellent news reporter who is busy with work and has a boyfriend, but she is often so busy that she has no time to date.

Even the marriage proposal was done in an atmosphere of extreme hurry.

On the day of the proposal, the boyfriend arranged for relatives to wait at home early.

As soon as Zhang Jiayan came home, she was startled when she saw the guests on the sofa, and then she saw her boyfriend walking towards her with a rose in his hand, and she understood what was going on.

But because she was busy investigating a news event and had to leave as soon as she got home, she didn't get too caught up in the proposal.

When her boyfriend knelt down on one knee and began to propose, Zhang Jiayan unexpectedly asked: "How long are you going to talk?".”

Her boyfriend and relatives looked puzzled, and Zhang Jiayan continued to say that she was going to a place in ten minutes and asked her boyfriend if he could help her get a car.

At this time, an outrageous scene appeared, her boyfriend expressed his love while helping Zhang Jiayan call a taxi, and halfway through he even asked: "Which way do you want to go?"”

In the end, in less than 2 minutes, the car was called, the marriage was over, and Zhang Jiayan readily agreed to her boyfriend.

After quickly kissing her boyfriend, Zhang Jiayan said hello to the relatives present and rushed out.

However, the relatives still applauded happily in celebration, not at all angry that Zhang Jiayan left the venue early for work on such an important occasion.

Many people find this kind of marriage proposal outrageous but very moving, because both the man and his family have shown absolute respect and support for the woman.

Why was Zhang Jiayan able to agree to her boyfriend's marriage proposal so readily?

In addition to love, the more important reason I think is".RespectTwo words.

If her boyfriend thinks she is "suitable to be a wife" and asks her to be a full-time wife at home after marriage, do you think Zhang Jiayan will still agree to the marriage proposal?

Definitely not, as can be seen from the later plot.

The boyfriend seems to respect Zhang Jiayan, but he still exposes the machismo that he can't get rid of in his bones, and he repeatedly revealed to his girlfriend that he hopes she can be a full-time wife at home after marriage.

In the end, Zhang Jiayan, who was unwilling to give up her career, and her boyfriend had more and more differences, and finally broke up.

At this point, you probably know why "suitable to be a wife" is an offensive expression, right?

Because this kind of "compliment" itself implies disrespect, and since there is no respect, "compliment" becomes an offense.

Regarding the topic of "why it is offensive to praise women for being suitable as wives" on Zhihu, there is a highly praised answer that says:

Because she's human, it's offensive.

Just like when I go to the market and see fresh fish, I say that this fish is suitable for steaming.

I don't ask the opinion of the fish at all, anyway, I have been above the fish for a thousand years.

Until one day, the fish suddenly asked me why it was suitable for steaming.

I will only say that you are not only suitable for steaming, but also for boiling, braising and soup, etc.

But it can't feel offended, it's not human, I'm human, so I have human rights, and I don't allow the fish on the chopping board to question me.

The fish said, "For thousands of years, I have been trying to communicate with you. But you will only stare at my white flesh with lust, and you will only covet my delicious flesh. Ignoring my freedom and trapping me. I have also traveled between heaven and earth, and I have also fought bravely in the rapids. Please take a serious look at my eyes, and see how ugly and terrible you are in the reflection in my eyes. ”

Praise, at the very least, should be a compliment to a person's self-interested attributes

When you say that this girl is suitable for being an actress, you are praising her for her beauty or good acting skills.

When you say that this girl is suitable for basketball, you are complimenting her on her height.

Beauty, figure, talent, these are her own advantages, in her career or life is advantageous, is self-interested.

But if you praise a girl for being a wife, you just think that she is well-behaved and obedient, careful and thoughtful, and can do housework, and these are all convenient and altruistic for her husband.

suitable to be a wife", in fact, it is saying that this woman can bring great family benefits to a manThis is a male compliment, which is equivalent to saying in disguise that the meaning of a person's existence is to serve men

However, women do not serve anyone, let alone are born for marriage, and their mission is not just to marry and have children.

So when they hear these so-called "compliments", they will feel awkward and uncomfortable.

In life, in addition to being "praised" for being suitable for being a wife, women are often required to be "pleasant".

To put it simply, it is to require women to be obedient, obedient, compliant, to meet the expectations of others, and even take the initiative to please and please others.

South Korean actress Choi Shirley has been trained to maintain a kind of "pleasantness" before her death.

For example, you should always smile and not show your anger even if you are complained about or humiliated.

At the recording site of a variety show in South Korea, Shirley was pointed at by the male host with a pen and complained: "Wearing clothes like an aunt", she just smiled. She was only 16 years old at the time.

Shirley once mentioned in the documentary "To the Truth" that she often felt very painful.

And the main thing about the pain is that she has been instilled with such thoughts since she was a child:

You don't have to know anything, just sit in the middle of this group and make them happy. ”

They will love it and your looks will please them. ”

This made Shirley instinctively uncomfortable, as her own worth became to please others.

Pleasing others is an altruistic attribute, and she feels this offense but is powerless, so she has been in pain.

There is a sentence on the official account of the new world minister:Once a woman is expected to be "pleasant", it is difficult for her to break free from this shackle on her own

In order to get rid of this pain, Shirley did many things that she wanted to do but never dared to do.

However, her self-liberating behavior was subjected to cyberbullying by the world, and everyone knows the ending.

Finally, I would like to say that in today's awakening of women's consciousness, many women are no longer confined to the small world of the family, and they have more pursuits, greater goals, and more ways to realize their self-worth.

Every woman should learn to prioritize her feelings first, not to please and please anyone.

When people express praise, they should also start more from the subjective thinking of women, rather than the object thinking of serving others.

This kind of praise is the most sincere.

100 help plan