Psychologist Karen Honey expressed in The Psychology of Marriage: "A bad marriage can make people crazy, a good marriage can make people stupid, and the best marriage can make people as innocent as a child." ”
Before most women enter marriage, they are full of expectations for marriage and yearning for happiness. If it weren't for the trust in men, believing that they could bring them happiness and make their lives better, they would not have left their parents who once loved them, resolutely married into another family, and worked hard to build a new small family.
It takes courage to enter a new environment and run a brand new family. It takes a lot of courage to have a child. They are willing to devote themselves to the pursuit of a happy life. If possible, women also aspire to be good wives and mothers, working together with men to run a small family and keep it organized.
However, if you encounter men who are not responsible, who only want to get the benefits of marriage without giving it, who only want to harm their wives and do good deeds, women can also be tormented by meaningless marriages and collapse.
Yan Rujing once said in "Wonderful Sayings": "There is a time limit for patience in marriage, patience for a while is called calm, and patience for a lifetime can only depend on luck." ”
In marriage, the dominance of men is usually connived at by you. Your forbearance and compromise again and again may not bring immensity, nor his gratitude, but his inch.
On the contrary, if you dare to refuse, be good at expressing dissatisfaction, have the courage to defend your rights and interests, and let him realize that it is not good for him to provoke you, maybe he will be more restrained and no longer despise you.
I smashed my home once, and since then, my husband has never dared to force me to quit my job and go back to my hometown to take care of my mother-in-law. Now, I have become a woman who dares to be angry and speak out, and whoever dares to shout in front of me, I dare to fight back. ”
Recently, Sister Fang's performance has been famous, not only making her husband dare not force her anymore, but also reprimanding her in-laws' relatives who can only talk big and no longer come to disturb her.
Here's what happened: Originally, Sister Fang's in-laws had been living a life of dependence in their hometown, and the three children went back to visit when they were free and gave some living expenses.
However, since the beginning of this year, my father-in-law passed away due to illness, and my mother-in-law's physical condition took a sharp turn for the worse, and she was often sick and hospitalized, her memory decreased significantly, and she even forgot to turn off the fire several times.
Not long ago, my eldest sister called** and planned to return to her hometown to take care of her mother during the Mid-Autumn Festival. Relatives blamed their children for being unfilial, and left the old man, who had lost his ability to take care of himself, alone in the countryside. After taking care of her mother in her hometown for a week, the eldest sister also thought that the old man's physical condition was no longer suitable for living alone.
The eldest sister called ** and wanted to discuss with her two younger brothers about taking care of her mother's old age. At first, Sister Fang didn't feel that there was any problem, after all, it was the responsibility of children to support their parents. My mother-in-law has three children, and it is feasible to take turns to take care of her, or to choose a nursing home with good conditions.
However, unexpectedly, her husband directly announced the decision of the three sisters and brothers: "You immediately go to the factory to go through the resignation procedures and go back to take care of my mother immediately." ”
In other words, the eldest sister, eldest brother, and second brother did not consider taking care of their mother by themselves, but put all the burden of taking care of their mother-in-law on Sister Fang, which made her feel unacceptable.
The reason why the husband asked Sister Fang to resign and quickly go back to take care of her mother-in-law without consultation was because in her 28 years of marriage, Sister Fang had hardly refused his request.
For example, when Sister Fang gave birth to her eldest daughter, her in-laws expressed dissatisfaction with this and hoped that she would continue to give birth. Considering her physical condition and family economic conditions, Sister Fang refused to have a second child. However, her husband was desperate, obeyed his parents' wishes, and insisted on having a son, causing Sister Fang to take the risk of giving birth to a son at all costs, almost hurting her own body.
When her son was five years old, Fang's husband decided to go out to work. Although Sister Fang also wanted to go out with her husband, her in-laws refused to come back to take care of her grandchildren. Sister Fang had no choice but to live separately from her husband for 13 years, leaving her hometown alone to take care of a pair of children, and did not go to her husband's place of work until her son was admitted to university.
In order to save money for her son to marry a wife, Sister Fang also found a job. Despite the hard work, she is satisfied with this piece-based, income-paid life. She plans to hold on for a few more years, save more money, and wait for her son to have a child before helping to take care of her grandson.
My mother-in-law once helped my eldest sister take care of the children, and I also helped the eldest brother take care of the children, but I never helped me, and I did not stop my husband from fulfilling his filial piety, which was already very kind. Why did I sacrifice my old age to take care of her?Others can give nothing?”
Initially, Sister Fang just proposed, hoping that her husband could understand her grievances. However, when her husband found out that Sister Fang dared to refuse, he felt ashamed and angry, and did not hesitate to give Sister Fang a slap.
This slap not only shattered all of Sister Fang's expectations of him, but also made all the grievances she had endured over the years come to her heart and burst out.
As a result, Sister Fang became extremely excited, yelling at her husband while picking up anything she could find and throwing it at her husband. The husband panicked and fled the house in a hurry while shouting "shrew".
Fortunately, after the son and daughter learned the truth of the matter, they immediately called ** home, and the husband of the other sister's husband reprimanded him harshly, and clearly told him that as long as he dared to mention the matter of letting Sister Fang go back to her hometown to take care of her mother-in-law alone, they would take Sister Fang home, and never recognize him as a father in the future, so that he would sleep on the street when he was old.
My daughter also specially told me that I should stop being a good wife and mother, and that a good wife and mother also have to look at the object, and my husband is obviously not worth it. I still have to live my life and make myself happy. ”
At present, her daughter has helped Sister Fang buy a ticket home for the National Day. Sister Fang planned to go to her daughter to relax and ignore her husband anymore. As for the mother-in-law, she will no longer allow them to put pressure on her.
There is an Internet buzzword that says: "In a relationship, giving and getting should be balanced with each other, which is the cornerstone of a good relationship." ”
When you're consistently invested in your relationship and don't get something in return, you should seriously consider whether the effort is worth it. Perhaps you have over-giving, making the other person develop the habit of taking and becoming more and more selfish.
If the other party has no intention of repenting, does not think about your family, and only cares about his own happiness, you will only make him more presumptuous and think that you are a bully.
Life is not about pleasing others, but about being worthy of yourself. Therefore, don't give others the opportunity to bully you, and don't let them think you're a bully. 100 help plan