Wei Linggong
Fifteenth
Total Chapter 386.
Original
Zi said: "You can talk with it but not with it, and you lose people;."Don't talk with words, lose your words. Those who know do not lose people, nor do they lose their words. ”
Original
Confucius said, "Whoever can talk deeply with him but does not have a deep talk is missing out on this person;If you can't talk to him and talk to him deeply, you are saying the wrong thing. A wise person can neither miss a person nor say the wrong thing. ”
Interpretation
In this chapter, Confucius expounded the technique of conversing with people.
Language is the most effective tool for people to interact with each other. Whether familiar or unfamiliar, people are always Xi using language to communicate to close the distance. But isn't it true that the more you talk, the better?Apparently not. Confucius tells us:
can be said but not spoken, lost people;Don't talk with words, lose your words. ”
If you don't talk to the people you can talk to, you miss people, and you may miss talents, or you may be people who can become friends, in short, it's your own loss;Talking to someone you can't talk to is a gaffe, and you may inadvertently offend someone, divulge secrets, or even cause more serious consequences.
Confucius taught a principle: "He who knows does not lose his words and does not lose his words." A wise man will neither miss a man nor say a wrong word.
There are many cases in history where people have lost people because they "can be said but not spoken". Shang Ying's experience can be described as typical. Shang Ying was originally a Wei person, and he studied in the powerful Wei State in the early Warring States period. Uncle Xiangguo of Wei knew that Shang Ying was talented, and when he was dying, he recommended Shang Ying to King Wei Hui, and when King Wei Hui did not think so, he persuaded him to kill him if he could not use Shang Ying, so as to avoid future troubles. King Wei Hui regarded Xiangguo's words as stupid words, and he didn't think so, neither used them, nor killed them, and he hadn't seen Shang Ying yet. Later, Shang Ying went to the Qin State, and after three conversations with Qin Xiaogong, he finally got Qin Xiaogong's approval, opening the road to strengthening Qin known as the "Shang Yang Reform" in history.
Let's imagine that if King Wei Hui could meet Shang Ying, with Shang Ying's eloquence, King Wei Hui, who was also interested in reform, might have left him in Wei. However, King Hui of Wei "can talk but not talk to him", lost the talent of Shang Ying, and for more than 100 years, Wei was repeatedly bullied and eventually annexed by the powerful Qin State, and the lesson can be described as profound.
Imagine the same thing: if Qin Xiaogong had listened to Shang Ying's first two conversations and then abandoned the third conversation, then the change that made Qin strong might not have happened. The situation of "six countries being inferior to Qin" is likely to continue.
The harm of losing a word is no less than that of losing someone. In Chinese and foreign history, there are also many people who have lost their words because they "cannot speak with each other". After getting drunk, Emperor Xiaowu of the Eastern Jin Dynasty joked to his favorite concubine Zhang Guiren: "You are nearly thirty years old, your beauty is not as good as before, and you have not given birth to children, I will abolish you tomorrow and find another young and beautiful girl." Zhang Guiren then became murderous, and suffocated him to death with a quilt when Emperor Xiaowu was asleep that night. The king of a country was killed by the people around him because of his gaffe. During World War I, a German official said to an American businessman at a banquet: "Even if you support Britain and France, you will not be able to save them." We will launch a decisive offensive at Verandham. The American businessman quickly passed the news to the U.S. Embassy, which informed Britain and France. As a result, when the Germans attacked, Britain and France were ready. The German raid turned into a storm, turning Verdun into a "meat grinder" of the First World War, dragging Germany down and causing the final defeat. A gaffe caused a country to almost perish.
To not lose people, you need to know people's discernment, and you can find "those who can speak" in the vast sea of people;Don't lose your words, you need to have a door on your mouth, and you can't open your mouth. "Speakable" and "unspeakable" are relative and may be transformed under certain conditions. The same thing may not be said for different people;The same person, different words, will happen differently. "Can be spoken" does not mean that you can say anything, and it is necessary to prevent shallow and deep words;"Unspeakable" is not something that cannot be said, and it looks like rejecting people thousands of miles away, offending people in vain. Failure to remind people may lead people down the wrong path;Words that shouldn't be said are too heavy, and they can be psychologically devastating.
In order to grasp the degree of "what can be said" and "what cannot be said", we need rich social practice, observation and summary, so that we can become what Confucius called "knower" and master the wisdom of interacting with others. There is a couplet in "Dream of Red Mansions": "The insight of the world is knowledge, and the cultivation of human feelings is the article", which is also true.