Grandma's parting A long wait and a beautiful moment at the end
In 2019, my grandmother was 79 years old and gradually showed her childlike innocence.
She lay on the bed, her eyes wide open, looking around.
I said to her, "You've slept too long, and there's a lot more to remember." ”
Grandma smiled, and the wrinkles on her face seemed to tell the story of the years.
She said mischievously, "yes, don't tell your dad that I'm awake yet, and tell him when I remember, so that he won't be angry with me." ”
Suddenly, tears welled up, accompanied by memories of the ......
My home is in a small town in Anhui.
Grandpa used to work in the electricity sector and lived in quite good conditions. Back in the 80s, we lived in a building.
Grandpa had two sons. The uncle didn't like to study, so after graduating from junior high school, he entered a cotton spinning factory. In 1988, he was unable to escape in time due to a fire caused by illegal smoking in the warehouse.
That year, my dad had just gotten married. My grandmother told me that she had lost her eldest son and that it was the hardest time of her life, but it turned out to be just the beginning.
The death of the uncle brought a heavy blow to the grandfather, and within two years, the grandfather also died of illness at the age of 50, which caused great pain to the family.
My dad had a high school education and worked as a technician in an optical factory. My mother is a worker in the same factory and has been living with my grandparents since she got married.
However, in 1992, I was born.
In '94, my parents were laid off one after another. Although my dad had a technical background, he ended up in a private company. My mother and grandmother set up a stall in front of the vegetable market to sell fried screws.
The rock candy screws made by my grandmother are simply a must, and the business is gradually booming.
As a result, the whole family once again found a new way out and overcame the dilemma of unemployment.
It was 1995, and I was already in kindergarten. 
Every day after work, my dad would go to my grandma's stall to replace my mom.
Mom picked me up and cooked dinner. But one day, one day in April, I waited a long time and didn't wait for my mother.
Because on that day, there was some accident at home. As soon as Dad arrived at the vegetable market, he saw someone arguing with Mom.
Some drunkards cause trouble and pester their mothers. Dad gets involved in a fight to protect her.
As a result, my father was seriously injured, with a broken head, a torn scalp, a vitreous detachment of his left eye, and multiple injuries to both legs, which led to the loss of the light of his left eye and the amputation of his left leg.
The person who hurt Dad ended up being sentenced to life.
Grandma said that in the past, my father was a happy person, loved to laugh, and loved to play table tennis. After becoming a father, people always said that he was like a student.
However, I didn't get to see it. Because after my father became disabled, his personality changed dramatically.
His left eye was sunken, giving it a frightening look.
I never saw him smile happily again, always with a tightly knit face, and often angry over small things.
And grandma and mother can only accommodate him.
In those years, our lives became extremely difficult.
The family that hurt people is also very poor, and it seems that they only paid 2,000 yuan to my family.
It took a lot of money for my father to heal his illness, and his savings were gradually depleted.
At that time, many people went south to work to make a living, and my mother also went to Guangdong with a friend.
As soon as my mother left, she only came back once in half a year. But money will be sent back every month.
Grandma continued to sell screws at the stall, and the community arranged for Dad to work in a factory that made silk flowers, which was set up especially for people with disabilities.
Dad still looked dull every day, and I stuck to my grandmother, so scared of him that I didn't dare to talk to him.
In 1998, I started elementary school.
My mother went back to see me in my hometown and bought me new stationery and beautiful dresses.
I don't remember why, before school started, my dad had a fight with my mom and poked a hole in my new dress.
I was so distressed that I couldn't stop crying, and I didn't dare to let my father see it. Later, my grandmother bought a beautiful patch of flowers and came back.
Maybe today's children don't know much about what "mending flowers" is, which is a small piece of cloth specially used to fill holes.
Grandma chose a fawn with big eyes, and she said that this fawn reminded her of me at a glance.
I finally laughed.
When my grandmother was mending the hole, she told me not to be angry with my father, because his life was not easy now. Learn to be considerate of him.
I said that the fathers of other children are all distressed about their children.
Grandma could only sigh softly.
When I was a child, my grandmother always taught me to be filial to my father in the future.
Every day after school, before my grandmother finished the stall business, she would ask me to warm my father's food and wash his feet.
Once, my grandmother came home early because her right wrist was touched by a cyclist, and it was red, swollen and painful.
But when Dad saw it, instead of expressing concern, he became angry with her.
He said, "Why didn't you catch that guy?".Let him lose money!That's how it is in this life!”
Grandma hurriedly comforted and said, "It's a loss, it's a loss." It took 50 yuan for him to leave. ”
At night, my grandmother was rubbing medicine on my wrist in the room, and I was on the side to help. I gently rubbed her wrist and asked her if it hurt.
Grandma said, "One day, when you grow up, grandma is so old that she can't move......”
I said, "I will be filial to you." ”
Grandma smiled and said, "I'm useless, what do you care about me?"You have to take good care of your dad. ”
As we spoke, neither of us noticed that Dad happened to pass by the door. He suddenly lowered his voice and said, "I'm sorry, Mom. Makes you suffer. ”
This scared both my grandma and me, and we thought he was going to lose his temper. However, Dad entered the room alone, closed the door, and there was a terrible cry.
In the summer of 2001, when the summer vacation was about to begin, my mom suddenly came home.
I was in class at the time, and my grandmother later told me all about it.
On the fifth day of my mother's return, I put on a pair of high heels early in the morning, and my grandmother's heart couldn't help but sink.
Because her mother never wore high heels, her feet were wide and flat, and wearing high heels was a torture for her. Why do you suddenly have to go out in such tall shoes?
Grandma always felt that something was wrong.
She waited for her mother near the neighborhood until noon, and saw her mother not far from her home, and a strange man.
Under my grandmother's questioning, my mother knelt down directly and begged my dad to divorce her.
It turned out that she met this man when she was working outside. She said that she has paid a lot over the years and suffered a lot of grievances.
The money she earned was all for my father's treatment and to support the family and children. But she was young and didn't want to be widowed for the rest of her life.
You can imagine how angry my dad was when he heard this, and he spoke wildly.
But in the end, he agreed to divorce my mother.
Years later, my mom told me that it was my grandmother who was the one who got my dad to divorce.
Although my grandmother was angry, she also understood my mother's hard work, because she was a woman herself.
On the day my mother left her hometown, my grandmother went to see her off in person.
My grandmother said to my mother, "I don't expect you to remember my son, but don't forget your daughter." This kid is smart, like you. ”
My mom covered her face and wept.
At that time, I didn't know that my parents were divorced. I only know that my mother often goes out to work, and she comes back to see me once a year, and she doesn't think anything is abnormal.
My dad cheered up for a while, learned computers, and wanted to open a print shop, but unfortunately his health didn't allow it.
Because of the injured body, all functions are very poor, and if you work a little harder, you will cough and fever.
Grandma said to him, "You still have to take care of your body, it's more important than anything else." ”
Gradually, my dad's vision for the future also died out. 
In 2007, I entered high school.
In November, the chill gradually hit, and the classmates gradually became familiar with each other.
In the cubicle of the toilet, I received a love letter from a guy for the first time.
Although the immature confession in the love letter is not very literary, it makes me blush and heartbeat.
The boy was a member of the sports committee of the next class, named Xu Zhongwen. His appearance is not outstanding, but he has a unique ugly and handsome temperament that shines as soon as he gets on the basketball court.
After school, Xu Zhongwen often rode my bicycle to take me home.
Although I didn't explicitly promise him, we tacitly agreed.
He would send me downstairs, tell me to be careful of the darkness in the hallway, and then watch me walk up the dark and unlit stairs before leaving.
Remember it was the 14th, Wednesday, as usual.
When I opened the door, I found my father lying on the ground, his body twitching, and his mouth foaming.
That day, Dad seemed overwhelmed and fell out of his wheelchair and accidentally hit his cervical vertebrae.
I immediately called 120 Ambulance**.
Grandma hurried to call the neighbors and threw down the stall herself and rushed home.
At that time, Dad still had some consciousness. When he saw his grandmother, he struggled to move, but could only stretch out his fingers, as if to catch the transparent air.
Grandma cried and cried, "My son, what's wrong with you, what's wrong with you!".”
Dad stared at his only eyes, blood-red, trying to speak, but only a mouthful of bloodshot white foam poured out.
I knelt beside him, crying and wiping it for him, but I couldn't finish it. He suddenly coughed violently and shouted "Mom!".”
I couldn't say a word anymore.
In retrospect, my father should have suffered from depression. But at that time, no one understood, and no one really helped him untie the knot.
In the end, he passed away depressed with those unspeakable anguish.
That year, the grandmother was 67 years old and lost her second son.
I was 15 years old and lost my dad.
In 2008, I learned about my parents' divorce.
Mom didn't come because of my father's funeral. Mom wanted to come and worship, but Grandma didn't agree.
I took a week's personal leave. After the start of school, Xu Zhongwen sent the notes of each subject during this time.
In fact, I have never replied to the love letter he gave me. When something like this happens to my father, how can I be in the mood to fall in love.
That day, I told him the answer. I said, "If you want to find a girlfriend, find someone else." ”
His eyes darkened, and he proudly never contacted me again.
Young and ignorant teenagers are always easy to share happiness, but they do not know how to comfort sorrow. The only emotion I had in middle school died in my nascent years.
Dad's death left Grandma heartbroken. For more than a month, she didn't show up. Every day she cried at her father's **.
I was scared. To be honest, for me, the only person in this world that I can't afford to lose is my grandmother.
For as long as I can remember, my dad was always gloomy, and my mom was away from home.
All the warm memories of my family were given to me by my grandmother.
When I was a child, I wrote essays, whether I was writing about my mother or my father, and the image in my mind was my grandmother.
One day, when I came back from school, my grandmother didn't cook and was tidying up in my father's room alone.
I went over to help. My grandmother pushed out a big box and said to me, "Look, this is your old workbook and exam papers. Every time I wanted to sell them for scrap, your dad would pick them before letting me throw them away. He said he would give it to you when you grew up. ”
I sat down next to her and said, "Grandma, you're not just Dad, you're me." I'll help you pack up your things today, and I'll help you out tomorrow. ”
After saying that, I cried. A particularly helpless tear.
And the grandmother finally broke free from the pain of losing her son. She hugged me and cried too.
She said, "Good, good. I lost my son, and I still have a granddaughter. Let grandma cry one more night today, and she will be out of the stall tomorrow. ”
In 2014, after successfully completing my university studies, I chose to return to my hometown to prepare for the civil service examination.
After I was successfully admitted to the Archives Bureau, my grandmother began to be busy with my life's work.
She stressed that this was her last wish, and that she wanted to see me settle down and start a family.
I resented her nagging and said I didn't want to get married, lest she leave when she thought the task was done.
That's when my grandmother was so angry that she wanted to beat me.
However, it was the most pleasant and smooth day for me and my grandmother.
Although my salary is not high, I am not nervous about work. She is old, but she is in good health, and she prepares delicious food for me every day.
In 2016, we sold our old house and used it as a down payment to buy a new one. The new house has an elevator, and grandma no longer has to climb the stairs hard.
In the same year, at a blind date event, I met Xu Zhongwen by chance.
I was amazed at how small the city was.
I said, "Why haven't you found a girlfriend yet?".”
He smiled and replied, "Why can't you find it either?"”
Sometimes, fate really makes people have to be convinced. After a lot of twists and turns, we actually returned to the original starting point.
Since we had some previous relationships, the relationship progressed very quickly, and we decided to get married in less than half a year.
Xu Zhongwen's family conditions are similar to mine, his parents are divorced, and he has an older sister who follows his mother.
His father used to work in a state-owned enterprise, and now he is retired and has a pension of enough to support him.
We are all ordinary families, and the negotiation of marriage conditions is also very smooth. The only over-the-top request I made was that I had to take my grandma with me on my honeymoon.
Xu Zhongwen readily agreed. I wanted to offer to bring his dad with me, but he refused on the spot because he really didn't like going out.
In 2012, to be honest, it wasn't easy for a working-class person to take his grandma on a walk-and-go trip anytime, anywhere.
She only went to Beijing once with her grandfather when she was young, and never went far again.
We chose Sanya for our honeymoon and my grandmother had to accompany us.
In Hainan in April, verdant vegetation spreads all over the island.
Grandma's first time on a plane was also the first time she saw the sea. Standing on the beach, she said with emotion: "It's so beautiful, our man doesn't have that life, only I enjoy your blessings." ”
I responded, "There will be many more days when you will enjoy your blessings." ”
It was 2017. My grandmother and I stood together in the sea breeze, and I really felt a kind of happiness that has gone through thousands of sails, mixed with ups and downs.
Xu Zhongwen's wedding room and I are very close to my grandmother's community, but a little far away from my father-in-law's house. Xu Zhongwen took good care of this.
On the one hand, compared to my grandmother, my father-in-law is still young. On the other hand, the father-in-law also has a daughter. And my grandma only had me.
At that time, everyone said that my grandmother was in good health. But by 2018, she began to have heart problems.
She didn't say anything at first, but I found out that she was having some difficulty breathing.
I took her for a check-up and it showed that her mitral valve was stenosis and insufficiency. Given her age, doctors recommend taking a conservative **. But the effect is not ideal.
In November 2018, I took her to a tertiary hospital in Hefei. Doctors recommend minimally invasive surgery. Considering that she was in good physical condition and had a mild underlying condition, surgery was chosen.
Doctors told us that without surgery, she would only live for two years at most. Grandma said, "Two years is enough, don't do it." ”
I cried on the spot, took her hand and said, "Grandma, two years is too short. It's really too short. ”
There are some things that I dare not say.
Grandma understood me instantly. She reached out to wipe away my tears and said, "I'm not afraid of your money." ”
Grandma's surgery was scheduled for the New Year.
It was March 2019. The surgery was a success, but it has not been able to ** since entering the ICU. At first, the heart function was recurrent, and then the infection occurred.
Grandma was initially awake on and off before she went completely unconscious.
I was stupid and burst into tears every day.
Xu Zhongwen asked for leave to accompany me. He reassured me to be optimistic at this time. Grandma is insisting, and I can't be discouraged.
I cried even harder, and I said, it was all because I had her have surgery, otherwise she would have lived two more years.
Xu Zhongwen patted me on the back and said, don't worry, grandma is a good person.
Actually, I was still worried about money at the time.
At that time, my grandmother's surgery fee was estimated to be 40,000 yuan, and I had 50,000 yuan in my hand. But grandma has not gotten better, and the cost of the ICU is like a monster that devours gold, at least 5,000 yuan a day.
Xu Zhongwen and his father-in-law borrowed 50,000 yuan. My mother learned about my grandmother's operation and gave 5,000, and then after learning about my grandmother's condition, she gave another 10,000.
Little by little, I scraped together money for my grandmother, in order to save her life.
I said to Xu Zhongwen, you go back and help me put the house out and see if I can sell it as soon as possible. I swear, I will never ask you to do anything again in this life, you must help me save grandma!
Xu Zhongwen hugged me tightly, okay, I will definitely find a way.
Actually, I know I'm embarrassed for him.
Or rather, I'm embarrassed for everyone.
But there's nothing I can do. Grandma decided to have surgery because of me. I thought it was to extend her life, but I didn't expect it to put her on the fast track of life.
On the 21st day of my grandmother's admission to the ICU, I stood out the window and looked at my grandmother, motionless.
Her ** can no longer see a trace of blood, and the paper is as white as blue gray. I faintly heard two aunts chatting on the bench behind me.
An aunt said that seeing her mother-in-law live in the ICU for more than ten days, she would rather die than go in this life.
The other said, sometimes, it's not that the people inside don't want to go, it's that the people outside can't let go.
Little by little, the sadness in my heart dissipated.
In the evening, I asked Xu Zhongwen if I was too ruthless. Afraid of losing her grandmother, she chose to torture her.
Xu Zhongwen said, don't think too much. Now that you have made your choice, you have to stay the course.
Before, I thought that the only thing that would break me in the end was money, but now I understand that the ultimate test is will.
The long wait is a step-by-step process towards despair.
And on the 23rd day of my grandmother's admission to the ICU, she finally opened her eyes.
On day 25, she was transferred from the ICU to the general ward. The first thing my grandmother said was that she dreamed that she was dead.
I comforted her and said, "Grandma, dreams are all reversed." You're sure you'll live a long life.
Grandma smiled and nodded. She then fell into a prolonged coma.
Doctors were helpless.
Fate is like a roller coaster, what you think is the peak of hope, but in fact it is the peak of despair. 
Grandma reopened her eyes on April 10.
I was so excited that I gave my grandmother water and milk for her. I didn't dare to let her eat hard food. Xu Zhongwen hurriedly went home to prepare the soup and said that he would send it over immediately.
After examination, the doctor said that the signs were stable.
Grandma's eyes widened and she looked around like a child.
Later, when there were only the two of us in the ward, she beckoned to me. On the bedside cabinet was a sticker of Bambi, who didn't know who put it.
She pointed it out to me, and said, "This fawn is so beautiful, with big eyes, just like my granddaughter."
I was slightly stunned, feeling that her memory was a little confused. I said, "Grandma, I'm your granddaughter." I've grown up.
She looked at me carefully, and it dawned on her for a long time to say, "Ah, yes, I'm confused." My granddaughters have grown up.
For a moment, I felt like crying. I sat down on the edge of the bed and said, "You've slept for too long, and you haven't remembered a lot of things."
Grandma said, yes, then don't tell your dad that I'm awake, and when I remember, you can talk about it. Save him from making a bad face to me.
I smiled and quietly hid my tears.
Suddenly, I didn't want to correct my grandmother.
Let her think that the warmth and happiness of the past are still around her, and those who she loves and have left are still alive in this world.
And my grandmother, with this beautiful dream, fell asleep.
Never woke up again.
Xiao **, who takes care of her grandmother, said that some people will stimulate the full potential of their bodies before they die, and take a last look at the world she is nostalgic for.
I am glad that I can stay in the moment when my grandmother reflects the light and becomes her last memory in the world.
That year, my grandmother was 79 years old.
She finally left me behind and flew to a distant kingdom of heaven to be reunited with her father and uncle.
When I was a child, my grandmother asked me if I would miss her if she died
I was crying all at once.
Grandma hugged me and said, don't be afraid, if grandma goes to another world, she will bless you.
Yes, she will bless me.
This year marks the third year of my grandmother's absence.
Xu Zhongwen and I have a beautiful and lovely daughter.
To this day, I still question myself if my grandmother would have been alive if she hadn't had surgery in the first place.
Xu Zhongwen said that this is fate, and there are regrets no matter how you choose. Just do your best. If you didn't have the surgery in the first place, now is the hardest time for your grandmother, and you should regret not letting her have the surgery in the first place.
I guess he's right.
The old man will leave eventually, and as long as the children and grandchildren do their best, there is no right or wrong.
But I really miss her.