Mr. Lu has a very good buddy, tall and handsome, looks like Disney's ** prince, much younger than us, in his early thirties, but we have known each other for many years, when in Shanghai, his first job after graduating from university, was a colleague with Mr. Lu, and now Mr. Lu has changed jobs, and he has become a colleague again.
He moved to Paris this fall, and the tenant of our small house just moved out, so he rented it to him, and he became close to each other, and after all these years of contact and affection, he became familiar as if he were the younger brother of his own family.
Towards the end of the year, the weather was cold, and on weekend nights, my younger brother and his girlfriend came to eat hot pot at home. The bottom of the pot is tomato butter and mushroom soup, gurgling, after a while, the floor-to-ceiling windows are covered with a layer of water vapor, the wine has passed three rounds, the night talk around the fireplace, and the room is warm and comfortable.
Everyone chatted whimsically, and unintentionally talked about the house. The little house we rented to him, when Mr. Lu bought it, was very cheap, and now when we have to sell it, we can easily make two or even two and a half times the price. French real estate has never been dead, and this is the highest rate of return he has ever made other than marrying me.
Mr. Lu, who was full of wine and food, said with a smile: "My vision has always been so good, there is no doubt about it. ”
*。I'm drinking Sauternes next to me, and I'm a man who never drinks alcohol unless it's a sweet and white Sauternes. But the more I don't drink, the more sensitive I will be to alcohol, and I drank half a glass, but the elixir is mellow and fruity, and I am already fluttering.
I was floating on the clouds, and suddenly I heard Mr. Lu say this, without thinking, I blurted out: "The rate of return is true, but you bought it cheaply, and it was because the house was leaking!".To tell the truth, it's really painful for the wife to repair the house by yourself, don't try it easily, it's definitely a reason to break up!”
The smile on Mr. Lu's face was like an egg in a frying pan, and it froze when I saw it, I instinctively closed my mouth, but I still couldn't hold back, and said the next sentence: "A Chinese girl like me, who grew up in the city, didn't know that it was so painful to repair her own house”
As soon as he finished saying this, Sidi and Zimi jumped up together and said, "No, you change people, what should we do?"Disappear into thin air?”
Just because it was impossible, all at once the whole table laughed. The rivers and lakes laugh and enmity, and the dinner table is not a kind of rivers and lakes
Laughing to hide the embarrassment, Mr. Lu got up and went to add a piece of wood to the fireplace to make the room warmer, and came back to fly the juicy mangoes, cut them into the shape of a hedgehog, and put them on the plate at my hand, looking like a couple of deep love, determined to be happy.
*。For so many years, this is the first time that I have complained about the hardships of the original decoration in front of Mr. Lu, and I said it so openly and confidently, and the words that came out and the water that was spilled out, in fact, not only him, but also myself were a little surprised.
Before, whenever we talked about this house, there was only one kind of triumph of success.
After all, it was originally only 36 square meters, and we used all the strength of the ****, and added a floor to become a small apartment of 44 square meters, whether it is for children to live in, or to sell it to make a profit, it is a milestone in our life wealth, proper.
And we got married there, got pregnant and gave birth to Sidi, even though it has been rented out for more than ten years now, every time I go, I feel a lot of emotion.
However, everyone has two operating systems, the intellectual and the emotional. Those: good, right, right, should......It's all intellectual awareness, not emotion. In fact, most of the pain in life is because: I understand the truth, but I can't calm my emotions.
In fact, from childhood to adulthood, all the moment, all the unhappiness, dissatisfaction, pain, sadness, disappointment, ......will become a seed of anger, put in the heart, deep or shallow, somewhere, in the future, there will be an impact of uncertainty.
*。I still remember the first time I went to that house, it was a construction site.
When Mr. Lu opened the door, the sensor light in the corridor went out, and I didn't think much about it, I followed him in, stepped on the air, and fell forward in a posture, and was grabbed by Mr. Lu. Then he turned on the light, and I saw that the wooden floor of the doorway was all lifted, and there were locks of grooves on the ground, and I was stepping into the pit. Luckily he caught me, otherwise I would have fallen on a pile of all sorts of weird saw blade wrenches and other renovation tools.
Mr. Lu was embarrassed like a child caught stealing candy, and said writhingly: "I know this house is a little dilapidated now, but now that you are here, we can plan together and become what you like?"”
At that time, I thought that in the world, everyone has found it, and the house is also there, so why not decorate it?We are young and have strong hands, so what's so hard about that?
It's really the fearlessness of the ignorant, and I didn't know at that time what I was facing in the pit I stepped into
*。The house is very small and only 36 square meters, the project is very large, it is necessary to knock out all the floors, walls and ceilings, re-suspend the ceiling to make a second floor, resurface all the wiring, water pipes, walls and ......The smaller the space, the more difficult it is to decorate, and we don't have the money to rent another house, people have to live in it, it's full of things, and we have to move things first, and we waste half a day all at once.
The French decoration team did not look down on this kind of thankless work, at that time there were very few Chinese masters in France to do decoration, and it was very unprofessional, and it was difficult to find one, and as a result, the floor on the second floor of our was uneven, and we were embarrassed to walk, and we were fired by the angry Mr. Lu. We can only repair it ourselves, but both of us go to work, so we can only wait until weekends and holidays, like sleepy beasts.
The speed of human self-paralysis is higher than our cognition, and gradually we lose the motivation to change, although we are full of dissatisfaction, but we still accept the fact that we live in the construction site, in the company of construction waste, and everywhere we touch is dust.
In this way, from love to marriage, and then pregnancy, and then Lu Sidi was born, we lived for two and a half years, and the construction progress was slow like a snail.
In January 2010, when we were about to move to Wuhan, the company found a moving company, emptied the house and rented it out, the tenants moved in, and Mr. Lu was still lying on the floor and sticking the baseboard.
*。To this day, when I talk to old friends we have known since that time, everyone's opinion is the same: if Mr. Lu hadn't met me, the house would have not been repaired until now, or sold at a low price, or still lived in the construction site, and a good person would have been dragged to death by the house.
Over the years, I have never complained about the pain of repairing the house, because my consciousness has been blocking my emotions.
This is like the "conscience luxury" of those who do not pit the poor, those who spend more than 10,000 yuan to buy a T family paper clip, and more than 20,000 yuan to buy an LV plastic inflatable vest, will never say that things are bad, only say "this is art, you don't understand".
Indeed, before moving to Paris, before moving into this house, I lived in a storage room under the plum tree in southern France, a box of only 11 square meters long, wild cats chasing each other on the roof in the middle of the night, and the room would emit empty echoes, so that between half dreaming and half waking up, I often have a trance between life and death.
Moving from South France to Paris, Mr. Lu's house is dilapidated, but it has at least the potential to become a home. I know very well that repairing this house is like a tough battle in life, and no matter how difficult it is, I have to persevere.
*。After middle age, I discovered that the most important indicator that determines a person's life index is how to express one's anger. Especially those angers that are suppressed, restrained, hidden, and despised by oneself, pretending not to be seen, are not non-existent, and will always torment themselves and make themselves miserable at some unknown node.
In fact, looking back after so many years, objectively speaking, all the hardships and pains we endured back then were only for one reason, that is, we were too poor. It's because I don't have money that I buy a leaky old and dilapidated one, and I can only live in it and do it myself, and I can't find a suitable master ......
In fact, I know that even if I go back in time, I will still choose to be with Mr. Lu and build a house from scratch, which was the best choice we could have made at that time, and it has also achieved the best thing in our lives today.
For so many years, I don't want to blame, not compensation, let alone regret or apology, I just need a chance to release all the anger that has accumulated because of the pain, because anger is like gunpowder, only when it is lit and rises into the night sky, it becomes a firework, turns the pages to the archive, and returns to the level.
So if it hurts, don't hold it back, call it out, it won't reduce our level of pain, but it will make us feel comfortable.
The word forbearance has a knife in his heart, it is said that anyone who can endure can achieve great things, and I am just a little woman, release my anger, I just need to be comfortable and happy.