I am a mother of two children, a big daughter, now 2 years old and four months, an incident happened today, which makes me feel very touched. Dabao usually takes a nap for 2 hours at noon, and today I didn't sleep when I played high, and I started to have no energy at five o'clock in the afternoon, and I was worried that she would stay up late at night after sleeping at this point, so I let her continue to play until 7 o'clock. That night, the child's grandmother steamed a pot of steamed buns, after dinner, Dabao and grandma proposed to ask for a plastic bag, full of steamed buns, she wanted to carry and play, grandma didn't want to give, but saw that she began to cry, so I gave it to her, I saw this and knew that she began to sleep, I wanted to take her to the house to sleep, and at the same time asked for this bag of steamed buns back, Dabao was anxious, let me return the steamed buns to her. I didn't agree, I took her to the bedroom, and then she kept crying, lying directly on the ground, kicking her legs, while knocking the back of her head to the ground, I saw that I couldn't control her crying, so I turned on a high decibel yell, accusing her of being unreasonable, forcibly holding her **, and not allowing her to get out of bed. At this time, she was no longer crying, but crying in fright, but she still didn't forget her bag of steamed buns, she still wanted to get it. I just wanted to scare her, not emotionally out of control, and seeing that I couldn't be appeased, I went to the child's grandmother and asked her to spend time with the child. This will be the child's father is holding Erbao, who is still a little doll who was born not long ago. Grandma went to accompany Dabao, and after a while, she came out with her arms and wanted to get the steamed buns, but at this time, the child's father did not allow grandma to get them, and Dabao began to cry again. Dad found something else to coax her and calmed her down temporarily, but Dabao still wanted to take the steamed buns, and Dad stopped her again. Eventually, Grandma brought it. Then after a while, Dabao said to my grandmother that I wanted to find my mother, and I was breastfeeding Erbao, and when I heard it, I beckoned her to come over, and she sat next to me, looking at me with tears in her eyes. I looked distressed when I looked at that look, and I couldn't help but burst into tears. The child's emotions at that time were like a painting I once saw, and I instantly felt that I had done something wrong.
Maybe I just want to control her....
I didn't say anything more.
We went back to the bedroom again, she put the bag of steamed buns on the bed, I put my arms around her, said a little soothing words to her, and after a while she fell asleep. But I hadn't moved on from what I had just seen, and I was thinking about what had happened over and over again. I felt like I was making a big fuss, what I wanted was for her to go to sleep, what the child wanted was to take the bag of steamed buns, I didn't allow it, she had a seizure, and her behavior of lying on the ground stimulated me, I felt that I had to stop, why this happened, even I didn't understand. It's ridiculous....
In the end, I felt that I did not understand the child, neither understood nor tolerate, and I cared more about my authority and my intentions than about allowing her needs. I think you're sleepy and you're going to have to go to sleep. It's like a control freak.
I've forgotten when I was a kid.
I don't have the innocence of a child. Mom is the most trusted person for my child, and I feel ashamed. But because I feel like I'm in control, I'm still grateful. Believe that you will get better and better.