Here's what a reader wrote:
My husband and I were high school classmates, and at that time, I confessed to him, but he rejected without hesitation. After the college entrance examination, we went to different cities to go to university, and during our school years, there was no contact between the two of us. After graduating from university, we both returned to work in the growing city. In this case, I was driven by the mentality of "what I never really had, always in turmoil", and I made new overtures to my husband, and this time, he agreed to be with me.
During my relationship with my husband, I once asked him: Why don't you want to be a lover with me when you go to school?The husband's reply: I was busy studying Xi at that time. Later I learned the truth: I didn't grow up in my husband's aesthetic system (there was a quarrel, and my husband told the truth).
During our relationship, my husband and I have had too many reunions for the following reasons: 1) My husband is selfish and doesn't know how to take care of my emotions2) My husband is emotionally unstable, often loses his temper inexplicably, and after the Cold War, if I don't take the initiative to give in, he will always be angry with me. Or because I invested too much in this relationship, even though there were too many awkwardness between me and my husband, I finally formed a marriage result with my husband in a vague way.
After we got married, my husband's selfishness became more and more obvious, and we had frequent quarrels, so that when we reached the fourth year of our marriage, I filed for divorce from my husband. At that time, my husband had retained me, but I was determined to divorce, so I got divorced and married. When we divorced, my husband won custody of the children.
Two years after divorcing my husband, because I was still single (during which I found a restructured family partner, I didn't meet anyone who really moved my heart), in the face of my husband's request to remarry, I nodded and agreed: 1) My husband is really handsome;2) After all, there is a bond between us with children;3) I was lucky to think that with the divorce experience with my husband, he could restrain his bad temper and restrain his more selfish lifestyle. But after the results of the remarriage were produced, I found that my husband still "can't change the dog to eat". So that married life is still a mess.
Mu Zi Li emotion**:
Not all relationships will be smooth sailing, and some of them will go through many separations and reunions, and finally choose to die together. It's just that there will still be frequent quarrels between the two sides due to the factors that are difficult to change due to their nature. What I want to say is that when many people choose a marriage partner, they often pay too much unwillingness during the relationship, so that they let themselves form a family with the person who has no happy experience during the relationship, especially after having children, they find that the children have become the weakness of their own withdrawal from this relationship, resulting in their own hard work to run this unhappy marriage, the key is that their grievances and unhappiness in this relationship are also real.
When it comes to love, it actually needs to be managed simply: when pursuing someone, if the other party readily agrees to be with you, your married life will most likely be happy;If you put a lot of effort into the process of pursuing the other party, there is a high probability that your married life will not be happy, because you are not the most ideal marriage partner for the other party at all, but the other party is the second best in the emotional field. To do this, we need to understand that people have different attitudes towards people they particularly like and people they don't hate and people they particularly hate. Especially with people who don't hate themselves because of some coincidences in exchange for the result of marriage, in the process of managing a marriage, it is difficult to show self-fine-tuning and self-sacrificing posture.
While it is difficult for people to show devotion to people they don't like, a person's upbringing and temper are somewhat fixed at a very young age. It means that a person's attitude towards the world is often very directly related to genetics and the influence of the original family. For this reason, our conclusions about human nature often have such a description: the country is easy to change, and the nature is difficult to change. During the relationship, if you have been very attentive in the process of managing your relationship, but you have seen the frequent deduction of emotional instability from your love partner, or you have felt strong selfishness and double standard life style from your love partner, even if the other party's appearance and family background make you satisfied, you must carefully weigh this relationship.
A person, whether at the level of family, love, or friendship, will find a balance. It means that it is impossible for everyone, in all relationships, to permanently present a state of hot face and cold ass. If you don't get a response for your efforts, if you feel the other party's selfishness and double standards, you will inevitably be disappointed in the relationship after a long time. In particular, lovers and friends can be replaced, and for this reason, in the case of disappointment, it will inevitably be exchanged for a breakup. For this reason, during our relationship, if we can clearly feel the existence of the other person, so that you often feel tired, even if some of the other person's advantages are particularly attractive to you, or you have invested a lot in the relationship, you need to rationally withdraw from it.
When you were in high school, you made a show of affection to your husband, but he refused without hesitation, indicating that your appearance did not meet your husband's aesthetic standards. It's just that after graduating from college, your husband's view of marriage and love has changed subtly: he thinks that being a good family is more important than his appearance, which leads to the result of your marriage. In fact, when you and your husband first started a relationship, you were happy because you were finally with someone you really liked. But after you have been dating for a while, you are not happy, because your husband's selfishness and emotional instability make you feel tired. During this period, you have experienced too many separations and reunions, or your unwillingness has been troubled, in exchange for the result of your marriage.
When you're not married, you may have the luck that when you get married and have children, your husband will restrain his bad temper. Obviously, you're naïve. The result: you can't stand your husband's way of life, and in the fourth year of your married life, you bravely get out of the siege. It stands to reason that from now on, you should feel liberated. But you can't escape the love network you weave after all. After you and your husband have been divorced for two years and you do not have a good match, you choose to re-accept your husband's request to remarry. Although your relationship has gone through ups and downs, you are still unhappy. I can only remind you: when you are disappointed, you may still mention divorce. May this day never come.
Editor's note: When your legal lover behaves like a scumbag at the level of running a marriage, you may blame yourself for being blind at the beginning. What I want to say is that some people's unreliability at the level of life has been obvious during their relationship, but you carried too much unwillingness at that time and did not give a decision to break up, thus laying the groundwork for your bad experience after marriage. When I was more sober, I found that the involvement of the child made me not have the courage to talk about divorce.
The reason why people yearn for married life is that they can't stand the loneliness of one person, or they need to explain to their parents and the world, or they feel that the chemistry between two people is much better than that of single life. However, when your preferred marriage partner is unreliable, you will sigh: living in a besieged city is much more tiring than living alone. Maybe when you are disappointed in your feelings, you don't need to be persuaded by the people around you, and you will consciously withdraw from the relationship.
*from the web, **unrelated).
Marriage