This article talks about how people are in a relationship where they are Xi to ingratiating themselves with each other, but ignore their own needs and values. Some women have been silently enduring, aggrieved, and lowering themselves in the relationship for a long time, but in exchange for passivity and pain. From the family experience of netizens to the real cases around them, it is not difficult to see that such a phenomenon is not uncommon in society.
In some relationships, women are Xi to tolerate their emotions and needs in order to maintain harmony in the relationship. How did this Xi habit of flattering come about?Perhaps it is because society has long instilled in women the concept of being gentle, considerate, and accommodating. This kind of flattery is not true love, but the neglect and denial of one's own worth. When we are Xi sacrificing our own needs and values in exchange for the attention and approval of others, it is often the result of our own ultimate suffering.
Sometimes, this Xi of flattering can lead to struggling in unhealthy, unequal relationships. For example, Wang Yue's story shows her hard work and patience for love, but in the end, she is rewarded with her partner's violence and disrespect. For another example, Huihui silently endured the grievances and injustices in her marriage, but in the end she found out about her partner's cheating and fell into the abyss of depression.
But how do you get rid of this Xi habit of flattering and regain your inner balance and value?The recommendations are as follows.
Lower your expectations of others. Expecting too much is often the beginning of getting us into a quagmire of flattery. Paying more attention to your own needs and being less overly dependent on others may be the first step to saving yourself.
Be brave enough to express your true feelings. Don't suppress your emotions and thoughts for fear of losing the other person's favor. For things you don't like, you can speak up and don't have to be wronged.
Furthermore, establish your own principles and bottom line. In any relationship, you must know how to protect your own principles and bottom line. Don't compromise easily and respect yourself in order to gain the respect of others.
Finally, expand the boundaries of cognition and improve self-confidence. Only by knowing more about yourself and enriching your heart can you get rid of the Xi of flattering and return to your own track. Reading more, interacting with others, and stepping out of our comfort zone are all keys to making us more confident in our lives and relationships.
After all, true happiness can only be achieved if you truly love yourself. Don't allow yourself to be a "dusty" who lives for others, but be brave enough to pursue the life and relationships you really want.
Independent and strong for the freedom of choice of IVF mothers.
In this society full of traditional concepts, whether women marry and have children has always been a topic of great concern. My cousin made a surprising choice on this topic and became an IVF mother. This decision made her the object of ridicule and dislike by her family, but she firmly chose an independent and strong life path.
The story begins after the breakdown of my cousin's marriage. She went through a period of marriage desert and finally chose to divorce. This decision made her bear more blame and became an alternative to the family. Bound by marriage, she chose to stay away from her hometown, worked hard in Shanghai, and finally made a name for herself in the e-commerce field through her own efforts.
Although her cousin has achieved some success in her career, she has always felt that there is a lack of wholeness in her life. Last year, she decided to welcome a new life, and this life will come into the world through IVF. This decision is different in the traditional concept, but it is a happiness for herself. And when I saw her sharing the news of her daughter's birth on WeChat, I was both surprised and praised for her persistence.
It's not that simple. The ideas of society and the traditional constraints of the family became the shadow behind the cousin. Her family, including her uncle, aunt, cousin, and sister-in-law, all scoffed at her choice, and even disliked her for being a single mother. This left my cousin with nowhere to stay in her hometown, so she had to live in my eldest cousin's house.
Perhaps, we can look at this from another angle. Whether a woman marries and gives birth, and whether she chooses IVF, should be the right of personal freedom. The old notion seems to ignore women's autonomy in childbearing. Women are not born to be defined as wives and mothers, they also have the right to shape their own lives.
Perhaps, we can learn from the examples of some successful women, such as Ye Haiyang, a wealthy woman. Although she chose not to get married, she completed the birth by IVF and became the mother of three children. The same is true of a host in Fujian, who successfully gave birth to a mixed-race child in vitro. These examples show us that women can have more diverse choices and can enjoy the happiness of their mothers without getting married.
Of course, this choice also requires the support of the family. Fortunately, there are some women who have managed to gain the understanding and support of their families, giving them more freedom in this choice. As I saw on the Internet, a woman successfully had a son in vitro with the support of her family, and now she plans to try again and have a daughter.
IVF is not a substitute, but a more autonomous option. Women should have more freedom in whether to marry or not, and whether to have children or not. Getting married and having children is a choice, not the only one. In this era of pluralism, we should respect everyone's choices in life events, rather than disliking and restricting them with traditional ideas.
In the end, as a cousin, I applaud her for her courage and persistence. She chose an unusual path and became an IVF mother, but her happiness is closely related to her choice. In this era of innovation and diversity, we hope that more women will be able to choose a lifestyle that is in line with their desires, and this choice should never be shackled by traditional ideas.