Why are some people inappropriate or unfriendly?
In the exchange, there is a desire to convey concern, but the words seem to be reproachful;Expecting help, but can't help but express the other person's dissatisfaction at the beginning;I originally wanted to express it in a gentle tone, but I unconsciously became aggressive, asking rhetorical questions and raising the bar endlessly......Communication can be beautiful, but it becomes awkward because you are not good at speaking with your heart.
One study showed that "not talking well" is more likely to occur in intimate relationships, and although it is less significant, it may have an impact on intimacy and family harmony over time.
Have you ever been in a situation where you can't talk well?
We may not consciously think that our way of communicating is not hurtful, but the power of words often causes pain for ourselves and others.
Psychologist Marshall Luxemburg—
Why do some people turn into reproach when they express concern?
Among the many concerns, why do words highlight the meaning of reproach?Obviously I wanted to remind me to wear more clothes, but it became "what does it look like to wear so little";The original intention was to worry that other people's ** would affect their health, but they said "stomach problems, ** is my expense" ......
Rather than lacking care and selfishness, these people may not be able to accurately identify their feelings and express their emotions in an appropriate way. This problem is known as "alexithymia", and it is also the reason why many people are not good at expressing it.
Witnessed a couple arguing :
Can you tidy up the clothes you've worn?Don't throw it around, okay?”
You don't litter?You've got your stuff in order?Doesn't this home have anything for me?—Anonymous.
It's all my fault, you don't have any responsibility at all, are you satisfied?”
It's true that I didn't do it right this time, but the previous one you ......”
I've apologized, what else do you want?”
Invalid triple apologies.
Xiao Li wants to go to bed early.
Those who are not good at speaking well seem to be adept at using rhetorical questions: "How will I know?"."Or else?"Don't you count it in your heart?”
My mom was always the kind of person who wasn't good at tactful talking, and she always spoke with a thorn, which made me feel very uncomfortable. For example:
When I told her that I had a cold, she would reproach me: "You usually exercise too little, and you are picky and picky in eating, which leads to poor resistance, and I never catch a cold." ”
Once, when I was stuck in a fish and didn't dare to go to the hospital, she mocked, "Okay, don't go, wait until your throat is swollen and it hurts." ”
She took my clothes away without permission, and when I asked, she said disdainfully: "You can't wear those clothes for a lifetime, and they take up space, what's wrong with me giving them away?"”
I begged her not to touch my things, but when I couldn't find them, she would reply, "I helped you sort it out and you got it wrong?".Well, I don't bother to take care of your room as a kennel. ”
Occasionally, I would squeamishly say that I wanted to eat her cooking, but she would sarcastically say, "Yo, don't you love takeout?"How can I cook as well as the food? ”
Although I knew in my heart that she really loved me, every time I was sick, she was more anxious than anyone else, and whatever I wanted to eat would be served to the table the next day, and she always gave me pocket money. But wouldn't it be better if love could be expressed more gently?
Peach black tea. 
I watched a TV series before, and there was a pair of sisters in the play, and the younger sister had a bad business and had been thinking about whether to borrow money from her sister. When she was struggling, her sister spoke first, "Do you need to borrow money?"The younger sister was enraged by the sudden question, and instinctively rejects it loudly with an expression of "you're kidding": "No, who needs to borrow money!."Seeing her tough attitude, my sister immediately replied: "Okay, then you'd better not try to borrow money from me." ”
When they were separated, the elder sister looked at her sister and raised her hand hesitantly, in fact, she wanted to hug her, but the younger sister mistakenly thought that her sister was going to hit her, so the whole person immediately entered a defensive state, raised her hands, and "snapped" on her face.
It hurts my heart to see this, why is it so between relatives?Knowing that one side needs help, but refuses to say it;The other party obviously wants to care, but he wants to pretend to be strong. That's how love is misplaced.
Xiao Nan, who is keen on chasing dramas.
Me: "Dad, I see that you have been very busy lately, do you have a lot of work tasks?"Don't forget to take a break. ”
My dad: "If you have a lot of tasks, you have to work, if you don't work, do I have to ask for food?"”
My dad cared about me and my family, but whenever he spoke like that, I often got into the awkward situation of not knowing how to respond. — Hemp.
My mom is retired, and I suggest she take up hobbies, such as growing flowers or learning to draw, so that she can make new friends. She replied directly: "I'm at my age, and my health is not good, why do I still learn this." Besides, you're not married, so how can I have the heart to do these things. ”
After hearing this, I almost couldn't help crying, this grievance is really indescribable.
Liang Yi'an. 
My boyfriend always wakes up late, communicates with him many times to no avail, and finally has an argument in a situation where I can't bear it. He said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have slept." ”
At that moment, my whole body felt a little cold. — Wheat Month.
I really think that there are some words that can have a completely different effect with a slight change in wording, such as:
Replace "Can't you wash the dishes" to "Do you have time to wash the dishes?"
Change "You are like this because you didn't listen to me at the beginning" to "If you think your mother's advice is useful, you can ask your mother for advice in the future".
Change "Why can't you do this little thing" to "You see, it's not easy to do small things well", ......
Language is essentially a tool, and it is only when it is used well that it can be used as it should. What a pity it would be if it was meant to be out of concern and love, but because it was not expressed properly, it turned into a mustard, suspicion, and hurt!
Actually, it's a little cutie.
In our daily lives, we seem to tend to be polite and kind when dealing with strangers, but we are often impulsive and unrestrained when dealing with those close to us. Sometimes, those words that don't like to listen to are blurted out as easily as a sharp blade: maybe it is sarcasm with mockery, or it may be unscrupulous irony, or it may be hasty prevarication due to impatience, or even subconscious denial and attack ......
Improper dialogue has become a stubborn disease in many families, and it has also cast a shadow on intimate relationships. Although there is a good saying: "A knife mouth tofu heart", a knife mouth can also hurt people, and verbal violence is also a real harm. And because they are the closest people, these hurts tend to be more profound.
The family should be a warm corner of emotion, family members should support and encourage each other, and many things do not need to be debated and won and lost. When it comes to those who have been with them the longest and have the deepest feelings, getting angry and losing your temper is the most costly thing in the world.
Many people don't mean to be this when they "don't talk well", it may be a Xi, it may be an emotional outburst, but in all intimate relationships, we should learn an important skill: listen carefully to each other's needs, understand each other with love and tolerance, and not let momentary emotions dictate our words.
In the end, borrowing the incisive words of netizen @Bibi Luomu, I hope everyone can express their love without reservation:
When you are angry, tell the other person honestly why you are angry, apologize sincerely if you make a mistake, don't play yin and yang, don't let people guess your true thoughts, and after trying to be honest, you will never be willing to hide yourself.
Time with each other is too precious to be let by trivial issues drain precious love.