"Everyone in this room says I'm a serious homosexual, but in my eyes, you're just heterosexuals. ”"Actually, everybody is a patient. ”
Fan Qihui. 
Every Tuesday, Beijing Sanlitun, "Fayu" bar.
A man dressed in a woman's long skirt, with a huge wave curling hood on his head, 20 centimeters of high heels, and a terrifying makeup, appeared on the stage.
In the dimly lit bar, he sang in a low voice and sang loudly.
From Bai Guang to Yan Qiuxia, in the warm singing, seven points of disdain and three points of sadness.
He was a man in the flesh and a woman in his soul.
In the eyes of others, he is a prostitute with chaotic relationships, but he is also a highly qualified costume designer.
People called him "Grandma".
My aunt is actually a man, his name is Fan Qihui.
Homosexuals, ** people, syphilis,He is the singer "Bilangda", a cross-dressing queen, and a visiting professor at the School of Arts and Crafts of Tsinghua University, known as the "first edition of Beijing".
In the end he died, by suicide.
I'm standing on the stage, and I'm standing on the stage for you. ”
The documentary "Grandma" is not so much the life experience story of "Grandma" Fan Qihui, but rather our story, he is the dark side of our hearts.
He is constantly courting, and he is constantly walking alone.
Fan Qihui's life is destined to be tragic, and a large part of the root of the tragedy comes from his family.
He was born in Beijing in 1968 and grew up in a family where no one hid their dislike for each other.
Family, to him, is nothing more than three blood related people, there is no love between them, and it is more cruel than strangers.
My mother suffers from severe depression and is immersed in the struggle of life all day long, and she is repeatedly entangled with depression and cannot take care of him. And his father, who was sent to the countryside because of the Cultural Revolution, is even more so.
Fan Qihui said: "At that time, I knew that my parents couldn't give me anything, and I was left to fend for myself."
They gave him life, and that life happened to be the last thing he wanted.
Because of the pain and despair brought by the family, Fan Qihui's relationship with his mother is very strange, and he has never called "Mom".
For his mother, he has only one wish, hoping that his mother will go to the moon and never give him a **.
For his father, he also longed for it, hoping to get his father's pure love, but when the phrase "raising children to prevent old age" came out of his father's mouth frequently, Fan Qihui, who was desperate for pure love in his heart, realized that for his father, he was just a tool to prevent old age.
In order to escape from this suffocating home, Fan Qihui escaped and ran toGuangzhou, the farthest city from Beijing.
There it is,He has a big dream: to be the most popular prostitute.
Maybe I'm trying to find someone I like this way. ”
Fan Qihui started learning drama at the age of 10, learned to face for 1 year, and was an old student for 5 years. The word "drama", along with all the human meanings it represents, probably began to deceive him from this time.
Later, we have no way of knowing why he fled Peking Opera, perhaps because of the pressure of his homosexuality.
When he was 12 years old, Fan Qihui heard the word "homosexuality" for the first time, and he calmly positioned himself and gladly accepted his identity.
At the age of 18, in desperation, he resolutely went to Guangzhou to do a ** job.
Fan Qihui is like a "pure love warrior", even during this period, he has never given up looking for pure love.
Peter's appearance gave Fan Qihui a little light.
Fan Qihui gave him unconditional trust and love, because after he was robbed, Peter gave him the precious five yuan to go home.
But later he realized that in Peter's eyes they were nothing more than a relationship between a prostitute and a "prostitute", and he would rather spend a few hundred dollars to treat another gay to a meal than spend thirty dollars to buy him an electric iron.
He wanders on the road of love, like cold frost, how he longs for someone to give him a little warmth and love.
But in the end, he was just delusional and didn't find what he was looking for.
He yelled at the camera that "love is stinking shit".
Then, with his wounds all over his body, he returned to Beijing from Guangzhou.
Someone said: "Bilangda is a detoxification switch for Fan Qihui." At the beginning, when he learned to cry, he found that it was good to cry, and crying was a switch for him, a process of detoxification. ”He says he enjoys the process of applying makeup, he designs the stage show, he releases and expresses himself, and then he can detox. Bilangda is his detox window.
He likes to paint makeup that does not conform to the mainstream aesthetics, **hesitation, twenty centimeters of high heels, and that huge curly hair hood.
Under the gray light, he swayed and sang songs from the old Shanghai of the last century.
Some people said he was sick, but he said"Actually, in my eyes, you're just heterosexuals. "Actually, everybody is a patient. I'm standing on the stage for everyone. ”
One of Fan Qihui's biggest advantages is that he is real.
He never hides his identity, and he will calmly say about the malice of others
"In this world, you are the biggest card, and everyone else, we can add a verb to his mother."
"Called, fuck it".
But who knows, behind his seemingly free and easy appearance, he has swallowed almost all the filth of these worlds.
As he said:
"Life prepares two kilograms of dung for you, some people eat it little by little, and eat it evenly for a lifetime, I eat it in a big gulp, and I want to finish it early."
These words are rough, but they are very true.
On 12 October 2010, at 12 noon, he committed suicide at his home.
"Maybe next time, next Halloween, you won't even see me. ”
The cultural forbidden area of the Chinese people for thousands of years.
Sex is a sensitive word in China.
Same-sex is a sensitive word in China.
China's view of homosexuality remains protective, deeming it immoral.
In China, homosexuality seems to be off-limits, and talking about it openly would be seen as alternative.
Homosexuality is not accepted by tradition and morality, and many people regard homosexuals as mentally ill and immoral, and homosexuals are incognito and afraid to reveal their homosexual orientation. ”
But today, modern science has proven that homosexuality is only a sexual orientation, and has nothing to do with morality or disease.
As part of the human community, homosexuals are also human beings, and they also have the right to be human beings and enjoy basic human rights.