These days in watching, in Winnicott"Babies and Mothers".The book, Winnicott, a well-known children's doctor, a master of child psychology. I like him because reading his books is a relief from anxiety. In this era of "volume", everyone is harsh and trying to improve. Dad wants to be a good father, and Mom wants to be a 100% mother, and this expectation often makes parents breathless. Vinny's book, on the other hand, can make people breathe tight and relax.
This book is also a good guide for first-time parents. Pick one of the points in the book to interpret:When a child is an infant or toddler, we need to meet the child's needs 100% unconditionally.
Many parents are worried about whether this will "spoil" their children, and the answer is no. For example, some parents don't know whether to hug or not to hug their children when they see them crying, and they are worried that if they hug, will their children cry more often in the futureHang him and train him. And it is precisely this exercise that hurts the child. On the contrary, we need this kind of "habituality", in infancy, only when the child's needs are 100% responded to, the child can develop a sense of love and security.
So how do we respond to children's needs?
Loving emotions are more important than words
In Hu Shenzhi's book, there was such a case, in a family, the grandmother especially hoped to have a grandson, and the mother also especially hoped to have a son, however, the mother gave birth to a girl, although the mother and the mother also liked the baby, but from the baby's seven months onwards, the family found that the baby especially liked the grandfather and father, as long as they saw the grandfather and the father were very happy, even if they were having a good time with the grandmother, as long as they saw the grandfather, they reached out to hug.
We will also see such a phenomenon every day, a mother holds her child to a group of good girlfriends, everyone reaches out to hug the child, the child turns his head when he sees someone reaching out, the child will cry when he sees someone, and the child sees someone reaching out to hug, and the child's reaction to the adult is obvious.
The child can't speak or look at it, so why did he pick up the adults?In fact, the child perceives whether the adult really likes him from the expression and emotion of the adult.
Empathy, let you establish a relationship with others in a yang environment, what will you do, you must want to establish with someone who looks pleasing to the eye, the so-called pleasing to the eye, in fact, the other party makes you feel good, this is probably because he is more kind to you, in contrast, more caring, so that you have a sense of being taken care of, caring.
Just like the previous example, that girl is more perceptive, Daddy and Grandpa like her more, and she naturally knows Daddy, and Grandpa is more able to meet her needs. Grandpa was very happy to see Dad.
So don't think that if the child is small, we can treat it casually and ignore it at will.
Loving interactions are more effective than mechanical responses
According to psychoanalytic theory, anything that happens in life leaves a mark on our unconscious, but we don't necessarily have a memory of it, and few people remember things before the age of 3, but interesting things, the emotions experienced before the age of 3 because of something can affect a lifetime.
Romanian orphans, one of the most famous orphans in the world, have a limited number of staff members who need to take care of 10, 20 or even 40 babies each.
Every baby here has to get up at 7 a.m. to feed, and if the diaper gets dirty during this time, the staff can't change it right away, but has to wait for hours.
These poor children had a hard time interacting with others except when they were fed, and of course, some well-wishers took them in and gave them a warm and comfortable environment, but after 10 years of investigation, the researchers found that the babies were not in good shape.
This is because many injuries in the orphan environment have traumatized the brains of infants, leaving them behind others in learning, communication and development.
Therefore, in the process of raising children, the warm interaction with children, loving touches, and happy laughter are all great attention and affirmation for children, and they are also the premise that children need to be satisfied.
The baby's needs are the guiding beacon of parenting, where the baby points to have to hit, have you gained?