1 I have a little flower cat at home, one day I was playing with my mobile phone in bed, it was coquettish to me, rolling around, rolling around, rolling on the ground, getting up and looking at me, looking at each other, leaving, and then ignoring me for several days.
2 Today I found one on the side of the road with a few classmates, and it happened that my hair should be cut, so I walked in curiously. I didn't find any difference when I went in, I kept thinking about why it was called the five elements, and then I found out: isn't the scissors in the barber's hand gold, isn't the wooden comb wood, isn't washing hair just water, isn't the hot air of the hair dryer just fire, but I haven't been able to figure it out. It wasn't until after the barber that these classmates said to me: This hairstyle is so earthy!
3 I quarreled with my husband and went back to my parents' house, and now I am smart, and everything with a passbook and clothes is weak. Put the remote control of the air conditioner, the remote control of the TV, the charger, and the computer to set the boot password, and then I can go back to my parents' house with peace of mind
4 The wife flipped through her husband's mobile phone, suddenly became angry, took her husband's mobile phone and said: "Why do you transfer money to a woman named xx red every once in a while, and on the day of the Qixi Festival, she said: "Who is she what's going on?".My husband was startled, and quickly took it over to take a look: "Say what's going on, don't you count it in your heart?"Where did the pig's trotters, elbows, and beef you eat every day come from, isn't this the deli proprietress who said that you want to eat a big elbow for the festival on the day of Qixi Festival?
5. A migrant worker wrote a letter to his wife:"Wife, the boss hasn't paid me for a few months, and I don't have the money to send it to you, so let's send 100 kisses!"Soon the wife replied:"Kiss received. gave the baby's principal 30 kisses, and went to school without paying the fee;Give the electrician 30 kisses, and the house will not be powered off often;Give the village chief 30 kisses, no one in the village dares to bully us;Give Second Brother Liu a kiss every day, he often helps us farm. ”
6 just got married, my wife has a younger brother, this brother-in-law is a robber in my house, the new computer just bought the next day, he moved away, this month's salary was just paid by him was borrowed, even my high-level game account was also taken away by him, in this regard, I dare not speak, is helpless, suddenly thought, my sister is still single, decisively introduced her to the brother-in-law, not long after, the sister became the brother-in-law's girlfriend, now, the computer is back, the borrowed money is back, the game account is back, even the brother-in-law's newly bought car was driven back by me. Hmph, play with me, you're still tender.
7 In the past, during the Chinese New Year, I could sleep until noon.
I once vaguely heard my parents chatting, and my father said, "Who will marry our daughter in the future......."”
The mother answered, "It's so pitiful, we should take pity on our son-in-law?".”
Dad said, "No, that person should have done too much evil in his previous life, and he doesn't deserve sympathy."
8 When I got home at night, I saw my little nephew squatting in the laundry tub crying, and my sister-in-law was standing aside helpless. I asked my sister-in-law curiously, "What's wrong?".Why do you cry so sadly?The sister-in-law smiled wryly and said, "He wants to use the basin to bring himself up." ”
9 Sometime I played badminton with a few friends, and there was a beautiful woman playing doubles with a buddy, and the atmosphere was very pleasant and ambiguous.
When the game was over, mm said to the buddy: Give me your phone.
The guy was dumbfounded and said: I just have this one mobile phone, I still want to use it.
10In class, I kept teasing my lesbian table, and she said angrily, "If you do this again, I'll sue the teacher." ”
I said, "It doesn't matter, you like to tell me or not." ”
Then, she raised her hand ......
Teacher: "Okay, this classmate, come up and do this question!." ”
11 When I went to the restaurant to eat, the proprietress was very tough, and she scolded the boss like a grandson, so I couldn't help but say more, and I quarreled with the proprietress, and took off the apron and walked away.
I said to my boss: "Don't get used to dealing with such a woman, the more you get used to it, the worse your temper will be." ”
As a result, my pig's head meat was served, and as soon as I tasted it, it was salty to the Pacific Ocean.
I asked the boss, "Why is this dish so salty?"”
The boss said, "Maybe this pig was too nosy when he was alive, so he was salty ......."”
12 A buddy was late for work in the morning, just in time for the leader to have a morning meeting ...... his departmentThe leader said that he wouldn't punish you if the New Year was approaching, so let's put on a show for everyone. He actually sang "It Doesn't Matter". The leader suddenly had a black line on his face!
13 wife: "Husband, I got pregnant unexpectedly!."”
Husband: "How is that possible!."I've got all the security measures in place!”
Wife: "Nonsense!."If the child were yours, would it be an accident?”