A pair of parents' sighs If we were not ruthless back then, children could really "gnaw" us for a lifetime
Six years ago, my son Guangyu successfully graduated from a 211 college in the same city. At that time, he was just starting to enter the workforce, and at the same time he was in a relationship.
Falling in love means spending a lot, which makes him think more about life.
Before a date, he struggled to dress himself up and asked us for help. My husband picked up his mobile phone, transferred 10,000 yuan to him, and solemnly told him:
This is the last time we give you money in our lives. ”
At the same time, we reminded him that he had graduated and was an adult in the true sense of the word, and could no longer live with his parents.
The husband gave him a week to find a house and then moved out of the house.
This 10,000 yuan is the start-up capital we gave him.
Actually, making such a decision was not easy for me and my husband.
However, if parents are not ruthless, children may really be dependent on us all the time.
We have made up our minds, but it has been very difficult to implement.
At the time, Guangyu thought we were just talking, so he still lived a leisurely life, saying that he was actively looking for a job, but in fact he was either in a relationship or playing games at home.
We urged him to move out and rent a house, but he had a hippie smile and refused to take it seriously.
Until one night, my husband and I decided to help him pack his bags, and my husband came up with an ultimatum:
Tomorrow we will accompany you to find a house, and the luggage will be in the car. In any case, the house matter must be settled tomorrow. ”
However, Guangyu still thinks that we will not really do it.
Early the next morning, as soon as the real estate agent opened the door, we immediately took him away.
After looking at five houses all day, Guangyu picked and chose everything, but he couldn't find the one he was satisfied with.
My husband was also a little annoyed: "Look at the last set again, whether you are satisfied or not, you have to settle down." ”
As a result, the sixth house was worse than the first five, and in the end, he had to choose the third house.
Six years ago, my son Guangyu successfully graduated from a 211 college in the same city. At that time, he was new to his workforce, and at the same time he was in a relationship.
Falling in love does cost money, which makes him think more about life.
Before a date, he dressed himself up and asked my husband and me for help at the same time. My husband picked up his mobile phone, transferred 10,000 yuan to him, and solemnly told him:
This is the last time we give you money in our lives. ”
At the same time, we reminded him that he had graduated and was an adult in the true sense of the word, and could no longer live with his parents.
The husband gave him a week to find a house and then moved out of the house.
This 10,000 yuan is the start-up capital we gave him.
Actually, making such a decision was not easy for me and my husband.
However, if parents are not ruthless, children may really be dependent on us all the time.
We have made up our minds, but it has been very difficult to implement.
At the time, Guangyu thought we were just talking, so he still lived a leisurely life, saying that he was actively looking for a job, but in fact he was either in a relationship or playing games at home.
We urged him to move out and rent a house, but he had a hippie smile and refused to take it seriously.
Until one night, my husband and I decided to help him pack his bags, and my husband came up with an ultimatum:
Tomorrow we will accompany you to find a house, and the luggage will be in the car. In any case, the house matter must be settled tomorrow. ”
However, Guangyu still thinks that we will not really do it.
Early the next morning, as soon as the real estate agent opened the door, we immediately took him away.
After looking at five houses all day, Guangyu picked and chose everything, but he couldn't find the one he was satisfied with.
My husband was also a little annoyed: "Look at the last set again, whether you are satisfied or not, you have to settle down." ”
As a result, the sixth house was worse than the first five, and in the end, he had to choose the third house.
In the link of betting one and paying three, Guangyu waited for me and his father to pay like no one, and my husband was iron-faced to the end:
I transferred all the money to you yesterday, including the rent. In the future, if you just want food, your mother and I won't care. ”
In front of the real estate agent, Guangyu naturally paid with face.
It's just that this money is the last money he can "squeeze" from us, so it's distressing to spend it.
We feel both angry and hateful when we see it.
But in any case, we have finally taken the first step to cut off supplies to him financially and spiritually.
That night, we left Guangyu's luggage at the rental house and left.
He asked us, "Why don't you help me clean up and buy some groceries?"There wasn't even a kettle in the house. ”
I asked him, "Are you 3 years old?"”
Then, my husband and I left without looking back.
My husband told him, "Don't come back to see me and your mother until you get a job." ”
On the way back, I couldn't hold back my tears.
Sad. It's not that I feel sorry for Guangyu to start a life and livelihood alone, but that I feel that my education is a failure.
But my husband repeatedly comforted me: "He is an only child, and he is used to monopolizing family resources, and it is normal for him to mature late." If he wasn't given a chance to endure hardship, he would really be able to be a giant baby for a lifetime. It's still too late, who can live without a face......”
Even though we kicked Guangyu out of the house, he would still go home to "exploit".
Or take advantage of our work to go home and wi-fiEither it's time to eat and come back on time to eat.
We had no choice but to use the trick of changing the lock.
And, no matter how much he knocked on the door, we really didn't open it.
My husband told him: "Li Guangyu, if you are a little ambitious, you will sign a labor contract and come back to see us." ”
Even if you work as a cleaner to support yourself, I think you are also a gentleman. Otherwise, let's not see each other again. ”
Guangyu finally knew this time that his father and I were serious.
His first job was as an aftersales agent for a mobile phone company. It is not to do offline maintenance, but to answer mobile phone questions and provide after-sales service to customers.
Moreover, this is mainly aimed at older people who are not skilled in smartphone operation.
It's a low-tech job, but it's a test of patience and speaking skills.
Both of these things are lacking in Guangyu.
Guangyu graduated from a 211 college majoring in business administration. At one time, he thought that this background would give him a greater sense of superiority in the workplace, but after two and a half years of unemployment after graduation, this self-confidence has long since evaporated.
When he called us ** and complained that the new job was time-consuming, I said to him:
If you find it difficult to persevere, think about waiting until the end of the month to receive your salary, finally stop asking your parents for money, and feel self-sufficient with the money you earn. At that point, your attitude may change. ”
His dad also added a fire to the **:
Although your mom and I don't have much enthusiasm for our work, we still rely on this job to get you to college. Don't always think about yourself in life.
In any case, congratulations on taking the first step in life and welcome to the world of adults!”
Guangyu persevered in this job for 9 months.
For the first 3 months, he yelled every day to resign, believing that this was a waste of youth and overkill.
However, when he realized that his dad and I were really determined not to let him go home and cut off his finances, in the 4th month, in order to pay the rent, he chose to endure for another month.
In addition, he took the initiative to negotiate with the landlord and successfully changed the deposit from one to one month.
Another change is that every time he comes home, he actually brings some fruit, even though we only allow him to go home once a month for a tooth sacrifice.
My husband commented: "Although we don't care about the amount of material, we can finally see some hope in life." ”
We also found that Guangyu began to become more careful.
In the past, when he took a shower at home, he could use up the hot water in the water heater by taking a shower alone. And now, he has begun to pay attention to turning off the lights and water casually. When I'm cooking, he also comes to the kitchen from time to time to help.
In the past, every time he talked about work, he was always full of complaints. Nowadays, however, although he still doesn't like the job very much, he will say:
I had to adapt before I could find a better opportunity. ”
I will treat each ** as a kind of exercise, maybe the customers on the ** side are satisfied, can hear my talent, and get me a better job, hahaha. ”
To be honest, human expectations are actually very flexible.
A long time ago, our expectation of Guangyu was really to hope that his son would become a dragon.
However, now and in the future, we just hope that he can work hard and be self-reliant, which is already very good.
In fact, everyone has a desire to survive and an internal drive, and once it is stimulated, there is always an opportunity.
After nine months of work, Guangyu was unexpectedly favored by a former colleague who quit his job to start a business and was recruited to work in the team as a salesperson.
Leaving aside the past, former colleagues value him for his zero complaints and steady performance at work.
Guangyu summed up his experience and said: "People are doing it, and the sky is watching." I really didn't expect that one day, I would also have the opportunity to be poached. ”
He felt like he had met a mentor and friend. Therefore, in the new sales position, Guangyu works with passion.
Although he didn't get a deal in the first two months, he struggled hard while feeling frustrated.
When I finally got the first order in my life, he told me his joy in **. He said:
Mom, I'm happy and sad at the same time. In the past, I was really uncompetitive and didn't know how to understand you and my dad. ”
I'm happy because I've found that as long as I keep going, there's nothing I can't overcome. ”
When you feel like you can't persevere, the difficulties don't last.
He may have heard this sentence before.
However, it is only through personal experience that one can truly incorporate this quality into a part of oneself.
To be honest, I was equally ecstatic to hear the excitement and joy he unleashed in **.
That sense of accomplishment far exceeded his ecstasy when he was named on the gold list.
Once a person tastes the sweetness of effort, he will keep copying his own efforts.
Guangyu is such a person.
After getting his first order, he worked during the day and spent his rest learning about sales.
"I studied business administration, sales was a new field for me, and I had to combine theory and practice," he said. ”
Who would have thought that what was once a "waste wood" has now become a workaholic.
In the past, we urged him to study hard and find a job every day, but now we most often tell him to "rest well." ”
Striving makes one more humble, and life itself is the best university.
After working to make money, Guangyu understood what it meant to "spend money like running water, and make money like a thread".
After work, he bought himself only two suits and never bought anything else.
In the past, takeout was his staple food, but now he cooks his own meals whenever he has time.
Sometimes when he comes home, he can show off his cooking skills.
After working for a year, he would save half of his salary to me every month, hoping that I would help him keep it for the future purchase.
Once, he said to me with emotion
Mom, if I hadn't been at home for more than two years in vain, would I have a house and a car now?”
I replied, "As long as you are steadfast and willing to work, it is never too late." ”
He asked, "Mom, how did you and my dad survive the two and a half years when I was unemployed?"”
I replied: "I squeeze the subway every day when I commute to work, and I look at the young people who are crowded like **, and I am envious in my heart: these enterprising children are ** people?".How is homeschooling?
Every day when I come home from work and see you slumped on the sofa, I feel a little suffocated, and my life is hopeless. ”
He said, "Mom, I'm so sorry, I can't even think back to how I was so ignorant." ”
I smiled and replied, "Well, you can't blame it all, we are also responsible." ”
The mother and son smiled, and they were enmity.
In 2021, Guangyu ushered in an opportunity for promotion and salary increase.
However, for this opportunity, he needed to work in the Beijing branch for at least three years. And, if you want to move up the ranks, you may have to stay in Beijing in the future.
Faced with this choice, his father and I were actually full of joy and reluctance.
After all, we only have such a child, and of course we want him to be there for us all the time.
However, he is already an adult. This time, we resolutely gave him the power to choose.
In the end, he chose to go to Beijing.
"This is the first time in my life that I have achieved through my own efforts, and I don't want to give up easily," he said.
Moreover, I have seriously considered that since I was a child, I have always been too protective by you, and I want to really fight on my own.
Even if I fail, I can go back to working as an after-sales operator and support myself without any problem. ”
We fully support such a decision and determination.
From 2021 to 2022, Guangyu's industry has been greatly impacted.
In the most difficult times, his basic salary was barely enough for rent. During this period, the girlfriend in the long-distance relationship also broke up.
These hardships were confided to us only after he endured them alone.
When life was at its hardest, he started an online live broadcast with his colleagues.
At first, there were no more than 10 people in the live broadcast room, but he encouraged his colleagues: "Even if there is only one person listening, we have to introduce the product carefully." Even if you don't have an order, you can hone your camera sense and presentation skills. ”
At that time, in order to pay the rent, he even worked part-time as a badminton coach every Saturday.
In the most difficult moments, he found a foothold in badminton in primary school and the National Level 2 Athlete Certificate, which became his second career.
Every step in life has its value, and no step on the road of life is in vain. This is a truth that he has profoundly verified through his work and life.
Since the first half of 2022, Guangyu's industry has finally ushered in a turnaround.
At the same time, the online sales they have always insisted on can not only complete half of the sales task, but also become an important publicity channel for the company.
Today's Guangyu is no longer the idle boy in the past.
Every time I recall my former self, he always sighs with me and his dad:
In my youth, I have been lying at home for two and a half years, and if you hadn't made up your mind to force me out of the house, I might have wasted my life.
There is no shelter in adult life, hard work does not necessarily lead to victory, and everyone has to go through the stage of life separation. ”
In this world, the most distressing thing is to regret not being at the beginning.
And the most fortunate thing is to be able to profoundly change the past and the present.
Therefore, I can't help but share our family experience with other parents.
Education should be focused on from a very young age, and academic performance is as important as the cultivation of life skills and empathy.
And sending your child to college is not the end of education.
Spiritually and financially, gradually reducing support for adult children is a very important awareness, responsibility and bottom line as a parent.
Come on!