In everyday life, when we greet someone, we naturally feel unhappy if the other person does not respond, or only responds negatively. We may feel that the other person does not respect us, despises us, and even wonders: Could it be that he has an opinion about me?Did I offend him in any matter?Under the interference of such bad emotions, we are reluctant to talk to each other anymore. On the contrary, if the other person responds positively and happily chats with us, we will continue to talk to him.
The role of the reply is very obvious in the child. Many psychologists have pointed out that for young children, no response is a desperate situation, and the quantity and quality of responses obtained by young children determine their future communication ability. In other words, a child who receives a regular and positive response can improve his communication skills. Conversely, the child may become reticent because what the child gets from not responding is a sense of neglect and thus low self-esteem.
One study found that if the baby signaled to the mother, and the mother could respond accurately within 7 seconds, the baby was not frustrated. If it exceeds 7 seconds, the baby will become frustrated. If frustrated often, or even always, outright frustration, i.e., the mother basically does not respond, then the baby will signal to the mother less and even never signal to the mother again. The result is often that the child becomes reticent, introverted, has low self-esteem, and is negative.
Sigmund Freud, a famous Austrian psychiatrist and psychologist, once told a story in "Three Treatises on Sexology" about a 3-year-old boy who cried out in a dark room: "Auntie, talk to me!".I'm afraid, it's too dark in here. The aunt replied, "What's the use of doing that?"You can't see me. The boy said, "It's okay, someone speaks and brings light." ”
For children, there is darkness without response, and there is light when there is response. For **, why not be the same?It's just that ** is more mature than the child, the tolerance is stronger than the child, and the emotional response to the non-response is not as strong as the child's, but it will be more or less unpleasant. Therefore, a person who is good at communication will never ignore the reply to others. They will not only talk back, but positively.
Respond with curiosity.
Are you curious about other people's words, body movements, and facial expressions?Are you keenly aware of the new and interesting information in this area?If you don't have even the slightest curiosity, it's hard to get you to make a positive response.
Lao Zhang was promoted and raised, and as soon as he got home, he happily told his wife the news. There may be four types of responses from the wife:
Proactive reply: Really?Awesome, I'm so proud of you, I know how much this promotion means to you, when did your boss say it to you?What did he say?What was your reaction at the time?We don't cook at night, let's go out and eat, celebrate!Nonverbal responses are: maintaining eye contact and expressing positive emotions, such as smiling sincerely, dancing, hugging, laughing, etc.
Positive and passive response: That's good news, you deserve this promotion. The non-verbal response was: I didn't even look at Lao Zhang, and I was busy with the things at hand.
Negative and proactive reply: Look, you are happy, promotion means more responsibility, more socializing, and you will spend less time at home at night, right?The nonverbal response is to show a numb expression, i.e., the face is expressionless;Or the expression is cold, and it seems to be a little unhappy.
Passively replied: What to eat for dinner?The non-verbal response was: no eye contact, no excitement, as if Lao Zhang did not say that he had been promoted.
Compared with the above four types of reply, which type of reply do you think your usual reply belongs to?Without a doubt, a proactive reply is the most pleasant. The reason why the caller has so many questions stems from his instinctive curiosity about what the speaker is saying. This instinctive curiosity is the key to a person's ability to respond positively.
There are many more similar examples, and it is not limited to good news;There are also many people to communicate with, not only couples, but also friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. If you're the one who broke the news on your own initiative, what kind of response would you like to get?I think the answer is self-explanatory. In the same way, when someone breaks the news, should you also respond to them in the way you want them to be answered?
Talk back with enthusiasm.
Some people reply with a softness that makes people annoying when they hear it;Some people reply with a perfunctory "oh", which makes people uncomfortable at first glance. This kind of reply is not enthusiastic, and often makes people feel a cool breeze blowing in.
There was a girl and her boyfriend who went to college in different cities. During the National Day holiday, she wanted to meet her boyfriend, so she sent a voice message on WeChat, and her boyfriend just replied with an "oh" word. This made the girl unacceptable, she didn't expect that she was enthusiastically looking forward to meeting her boyfriend, but her boyfriend had such a cold attitude, so she proposed to her boyfriend to break up.
Why does the girl's negative reply hurt the girl?This is because "oh" is not a positive reply, and the girl cannot tell whether her feelings are acceptable to her boyfriend through this reply. A similar word is "hehe", which was rated as "the most hurtful chat word" in a 2013 online survey. It is the same as the word "oh", it is a negative, indifferent reply, so that people can't see enthusiasm, can not get emotional recognition, so it is easy to stab others, smart you must not use these two words to respond to others.
Bring appreciation to talk back.
At work, a female colleague walks up to you with a smile on her face and says to you, "How is this dress?"I bought it yesterday!"What would you say?It's like, "Normal!".Or said: "This dress matches your figure very well, and the effect of wearing it is so beautiful, how much money did it cost you?"The previous reply is very negative, and the latter reply is very pleasant, and the other party will be happy to tell you the price of her clothes, which she bought in **. This is because the latter sentence is accompanied by appreciation and praise, and who doesn't like to hear praise?So, please reply with an appreciative eye, it will make you very popular.