"If you can give me 500,000, I will pay it immediately!You can choose to solve external problems with money, or we can reach a divorce agreement, divide the family property, you can choose one!"What?Divorce by mutual agreement?My wife and I are both women!Hao Qinglin reclined on the kitchen countertop, showing an attitude of "messing around".
He didn't feel any guilt at all, but was like another "eldest son" raised by Ning You, who did not hesitate to find his "mother" to help solve the problem after encountering trouble.
Is this a breakup compensation from an outside woman, or a miscarriage compensation from an outside woman?"You know what?Ning You took a deep breath, tried to calm himself down, clasped his arms tightly in front of his chest, and then asked rhetorically.
Whatever you think, it's fine. Hao Qinglin's gaze avoided, unwilling to continue to entangle and explain, as if everything had subsided, as if in the past ten years, his son and wife were not as good as the women outside.
It's not the first time Hao Qinglin has had a woman outside. Two years ago, Ning You had already found out that her husband had betrayed her emotionally. He stumbled upon her husband at a party with friends, and he was captivated by this woman at that time. At that time, Hao Qinglin felt both guilty and remorseful for the mistakes he had made, and he promised Ning You many times that he would not make the same mistakes again.
Ning You was convinced.
He has a deep trust in Hao Qinglin, but excessive freedom will only make the liquor of betrayal. In marriage, he sees freedom as a responsibility, and freedom becomes a burden. Ning You ended up paying the wrong amount. His freedom and dignity were something she could not take away. She believes that granting her husband freedom is a form of respect for him;Giving her husband a sense of security in his marriage is an affirmation of the meaning of his life. For Hao Qinglin, taking the initiative to bear the cost of family care and raising his son is a kind of understanding and understanding for him.
Unexpectedly, in Hao Qinglin's eyes, these so-called "respect" and "understanding" turned into dazzling sunshine, which made him have to avoid them.
1. Ning You's efforts far exceeded his requests.
Hao Qinglin expressed this opinion: "I understand that deep down you have always had a strong antipathy towards me. I tried my best, but I never saw any hope. I'm tired, so let's end it like this. Please give me that old house!”
Although Ning You knew that what Hao Qinglin said was more painful than a real knife wound, he simply said: "slander", and then turned around gracefully. "My son Ash, he was outside playing on his phone. Ash Ash!Since she had no time to endure the injustice, her son Ash was still anxiously waiting in the room for their explanation. "Why do you see my phone is so slow?Ash noticed that Hao Qinglin's behavior was a little abnormal, so he quietly installed the location information on Hao Qinglin's mobile phone.
Hao Qinglin carried Ning You and his son to the hotel, but was caught red-handed by Ash Ash.
Ash Gray's mood completely collapsed, and he thought that Hao Qinglin, who was full of lies, was not worthy of being his father at all. He treats his father as his own shadow and calls his son by his father's name. However, Ning You does not want to see his son feel the pain in his heart and the darkness of the whole world every time he thinks of his father.
Because of all the hardships he has experienced, he really can't bear to see his son suffer again.
After the death of Ning You's father, she inherited the title of "murderer's" daughter, as well as those wounds that are difficult to heal. In the days to come, every time Ning You recalls her father, she is left with unfortunate memories.
During those most difficult times, neither Ning You nor his younger brother Ning Shu were willing to go to school because no one wanted to play with the children who were called "murderers". They all came to this world after the death of their mother, who brought great grief to them and lost a warm and loving home. From that moment on, a crack appeared in Ning You's heart, and every time someone mentioned her father, she would feel an indescribable heartache and pain.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", not to mention that the man was my own son. Rather pardon is a good educational method that can help children establish correct values and outlook on life, so that children know that their existence is not an end, but a responsibility. It was precisely because of this attitude that Ning You showed great tolerance for Hao Qinglin's various absurd acts. Her wish is that whenever her son remembers his father, he will feel that strength and not be troubled by what he did.
Therefore, Ning You silently took all the responsibilities and interpreted Hao Qinglin's rock-solid infidelity as a normal conflict between husband and wife.
My lawyer friend thinks Ning You is a little confused, thinking that she should neither keep it a secret from her son nor provide a house for Hao Qinglin. She knew that her son was a good student and that she needed him to support her career. However, Ning You looked very tired and said
Hao Qinglin is a gray father after all, and I really hope that in the minds of the children, the image of the father can be bright, not a man who has made countless mistakes and cannot clearly point out as he is now. ”
It is often said that women should prepare themselves, but Ning You doesn't seem to understand that her personality is sometimes even biased towards "likability." She always felt that men should be gentle, but in his eyes, she was a grumpy guy. In the process of interacting with people, Ning You always keeps thinking about the emotions of others, but inadvertently, he ignores his true feelings. That afternoon, we went shopping together. At that particular moment, I suddenly felt that Ning You's life was extremely depressing. Her emotions fluctuate a lot, and sometimes she even cries because of her own words, but this is only a superficial thing. In fact, it is undoubtedly herself who deserves the most comfort.
This reminds me of Empress Fucha in "Raiders of Yanxi Palace", who has a deep compassion and a dignified attitude of patience. Although the concubines behaved arrogantly in front of her, they did not want to cause any trouble to the emperor.
But what did she get in the end?
He was first framed by someone else, resulting in a leg injury;Soon after, his newborn was killed.
Sometimes, even if we don't want to, we have to face betrayal and hurt because we are in the "jungle". "Soft persimmon", a word that often appears in reality, is often easy to make you ignore the meaning of its existence. If you're labeled as a "soft persimmon", then you're likely to be "trampled";If you're a tough guy, you'll be able to withstand all damage. When you endure without a bottom line, those who try to hurt you will act without scruples.
Ning You's situation is exactly like this, we feel worthless for her, but it is difficult to see her true face, maybe in our lives, we are also a completely different "Ning You"?
2. Hao Qinglin showed obvious imbalance.
When Hao Qinglin made some achievements, he also met all kinds of women, but only when he saw Ning You, Hao Qinglin's heartbeat accelerated and his pupils dilated. "She's my heart, and I treat her as my own. After Hao Qinglin married Ning You, he was deeply scared in his heart, just like "I'm afraid of breaking it in my hand, and I'm afraid of melting it in my mouth". ”
Subsequently, Ning You gave birth to a gray gray, and Hao Qinglin took great care of her, hoping to create the best living environment for her and her mother. But none of this happened. Unfortunately, the ideals are always so abundant, but the reality is so cruel.
Due to Hao Qinglin's limited ability, he gradually lost his core position in the workplace. In order to change this situation, he started as an ordinary employee and worked step by step to become the assistant general manager of the company. Hao Qinglin did not get the opportunity to be promoted in the personnel changes three years ago. He felt that he was already a flat-headed person, and if he didn't work hard, he would definitely be eliminated. However, at this moment, Ning You's wife gradually rose in her career, and not only did she get promoted, but her salary was even several times that of Hao Qinglin.
Because his wife's strength surpassed his own, Hao Qinglin encountered obstacles in his career, which made him feel unbalanced in his heart. He felt that he was a person with no future and no hope, and he wanted to give up his company, but he couldn't leave this world. He was very confused and eager to find a higher-paying position, but lost the courage to face the competition and challenges in his new environment;He longed to stay at his old workplace, but he couldn't stand his colleagues at the same time, so he chose to become his boss.
Hao Qinglin felt that his talent had not been properly recognized, and his heart was heavy. After returning home, he wanted to understand Ning You's various difficulties in work and life, but found that Ning You had made significant progress in his career and life, everything was in order, and he didn't need Hao Qinglin's assistance at all. He felt like a "forgotten man".He thought that if he could let him know about Ningshu's situation, it would definitely help him. At that particular moment, Hao Qinglin's strong self-esteem pushed him into an abyss full of "fantasies". He gradually felt that Ning You looked down on him, and began to lose interest in going home and facing Ning You.
Therefore, Hao Qinglin and Gu Weiwei met, and the relationship between the two quickly warmed up. Gu Weiwei, a person who likes to be close to men, took the initiative to choose to become Hao Qinglin's "woman outside".
Hao Qinglin revealed to Gu Weiwei that when Ning You became rich, he was not interested in him. He has a bad temper and often quarrels with people. Often complaining in front of him that an adult man always makes a woman his pillar. She is also in a terrible state of life. I was under tremendous psychological pressure.
But in fact, Ning You never expressed it like this.
So, why did Hao Qinglin express such an opinion?
Because all of this is just Hao Qinglin's personal fantasy." Hao Qinglin questioned Ning You: "Do you think that you are a leader in society, and I am just a backward person?"Why don't you respect me?That's why I don't want to pay my salary and do my best for my family. The fundamental question is, do you think I don't deserve the standard of living I have today. ”
Ning You was very confused, she didn't understand why Hao Qinglin had such a misunderstanding. He said that he was a relatively easy person to get along with. Ning You never despised him, she just didn't want Hao Qinglin to feel uncomfortable in front of her friends because of money issues, she just wanted to give him more freedom, so she didn't want his salary.
However, Hao Qinglin couldn't understand Ning You's kindness to him, and instead regarded this kindness as a kind of "shame" and used it to make excuses for his behavior in the outside world.
In the final analysis, Hao Qinglin really couldn't bear that Ning You was stronger than him in all aspects.
Ning You was confused, he didn't understand why he was going all out in his career to alleviate the financial pressure on his husbandMy husband is a very good person, but his work is just not satisfactory!Ning You definitely didn't make a mistake, the real mistake was Hao Qinglin's worthless "self-esteem".
In many cases, men behave quite pragmatically. It's the same with men, they don't know what to do with him. No matter how good and successful you are personally, you can't compare to how good he is. Because they only care about themselves, if you give to him unreservedly, he may think that your love is cheap and may even develop a cold attitude towards you.
Ning You's deep affection for Hao Qinglin is like this, she always thinks about Hao Qinglin, but in the end she is slandered and betrayed.
Tu Lei once expressed such a point of view: "In love, excessive bearing or giving is a tragedy, excessive bearing is a deficiency, and excessive giving is the broken heart." ”
Ning You's true character is the same as Song Siming's wife in "Snail House", he is wholeheartedly devoted to Song Siming, but in the end, he is betrayed by her husband. Song Siming is in a similar situation to Hao Qinglin, when the matter is revealed, they would rather let their wives and children take all the blame for the mistakes they made, and also plan for Guo Haizao's future.
This makes one have to laugh at their indifference, but it also conveys to us the idea that we should not love too much, whether in love or in marriage. Loving too much will make each other feel depressed and helpless, and even hurt yourself. If you love too deeply, you may lose your true self and cause the other person to not value you enough.
3. What mistakes did Ning You make?
Ning You revealed to her lawyer friend: "Hao Qinglin has always claimed that I forced him to come to this point before **. I really can't understand how my emotional, mental and physical dedication to this family after so many years of marriage finally ended up with such accusationsAs if my actions were done with ulterior motives, what exactly did I do wrong?”
Indeed, when I saw this scene, my eyes felt full and my heart was full of sourness. Could it be that Ning Ransom was wrong?The same doubts also surfaced, what kind of mistake did Ning You make?
While Hao Qinglin went out to raise women, Ning You was responsible for the care of the family and the company of his sonWhen he was raising his daughter outside, it was his own wife and daughter. After Hao Qinglin's misfortune, Ning You did not have enough time to indulge in grief and tears, but took all the responsibility alone.
In order to avoid her son's resentment towards Hao Qinglin, she used the "midlife crisis" as an excuse to cover up the truth;In order not to worry Hao Qinglin's parents, Ning You kept silent on Hao Qinglin's issue until Ash revealed the truth and told Hao Qinglin's parents the truth.
However, in the end, what I got was Hao Qinglin's slander and the doubts of my parents-in-law.
Gu Weiwei walked up to Hao Qinglin's parents and revealed to them that Ning You was working with a lawyer in an attempt to frame Hao Qinglin. Although Hao's father and Hao's mother verbally expressed their trust in Ning You's dedication and character, in private, they trusted Gu Weiwei's advice and replaced the lawyer Ning You hired for them, which caused Hao Qinglin's case to fall into an irreparable situation.
Although Hao Qinglin's fate was caused by himself, it is not regrettable. Despite Ning You's everything, being suspected and betrayed by others is indeed a topic worthy of our in-depth consideration.
What kind of mistake did she make?
Ning You's lawyer friend gave this explanation: "Marriage should be a cooperative business model, not just a unilateral relief station. You need to make sure that the two are a match for each other in terms of knowledge, vision, courage, structure, and level. You may not mind giving him patience and support in any way, but he thinks that any of your actions are wrong, and even that your existence is wrong. ”
Marriage is based on cooperation
This may sound cold and contrary to the biblical view, but when you think about it, there is some truth to it. Women, in a woman's world, are always fragile and sensitive. In the Bible, Eve was created by God using Adam's rib, so to compensate for their "incompleteness," men often sought out their true partner.
Over the years, the "rib theory" has divided men and women into two relationships, dependent and dependent. In this sense, men serve women. Since women are an integral part of the masculine, men dominate and women play a supporting role. Under this concept, a man's love for a woman is a dependence on his own body, and a woman's love for a man is a dependence on her husband's body. Since this is the case, there is no such thing as "cooperation" in the relationship between husband and wife. In fact, real cooperation is not in marriage, but in life. Cooperation is based on the equality and voluntariness of both parties, so that we can achieve a win-win situation.
When women enter the modern society, their status in their careers gradually rises, and in the economic field, the relationship between men and women "dependent and dependent" undergoes a profound transformation, sometimes even a reversal. The exchange of women and men will result in different degrees of benefits for both parties. The relationship between Hao Qinglin and Ning You is actually a typical state of exchange. Ning You's strength was stronger, while Hao Qinglin was more vulnerable.
In this case, if they can realize the importance of "cooperative management", Hao Qinglin will make more contributions to the family. "I feel like we should put family first. "For example, on the issue of the custody of parents and children who take care of both parties.
However, he didn't offer any help, and Ning You didn't give Hao Qinglin a chance to perform his duties. Because he is not a person who really loves himself at all. Considering that Hao Qinglin himself is the kind of man who is selfish, can't lift clearly, falls and then blames the floor. So in his heart he didn't know who he was at all. As a result, Ning You is often betrayed and misunderstood.
Romain Rolland, the French writer, once pointed out: "In married life, everyone needs to bear a certain price, and at the same time need something, which is a principle of balance between supply and demand." ”
It's a pity that Ning You continued to give, and Hao Qinglin kept asking, and the two of them teamed up to break the inherent "law", which eventually led to today's result. In contrast, after providing financial support to Gu Weiwei, Hao Qinglin gained more understanding and listening from Gu Weiwei. The emotional basis between them is not money, but the search for meaning in life. Their giving and asking are mutually reinforcing, and because of this, their affection is deeper than their original match."
Therefore, Ning You's biggest mistake was not to see marriage as a kind of "cooperative operation", nor did he find a "partner" who matched him.