If everyone had only one marriage, how many years would that marriage have?In today's article, there is an example article, through examples, so that everyone can see more directly, whether the way of dealing with her husband after admitting her mistake is inappropriate, and what are the consequences of being appropriate.According to conservative estimates, if you get married at the age of 30 and end your life at the age of 70, then two people will have to live together for 40 years.
In other words, if, as everyone expects, there is only one marriage in your life, you have to live with someone for at least 40 years.
Who can guarantee that they will always be loyal to each other during this time?Who can guarantee that the love between you will last?
No one can vouch for you but yourself.
Z is one of my counselors, when he was 22 years old, he started a relationship with his husband who had nothing, and the relationship between husband and wife has been good in the past few years.
Fell in love at the age of 22 and had nothing, got married at the age of 25, her husband began to work hard, and he is 35 years old this year, with a car, a house and children. I thought that a good life had just begun, but I accidentally discovered the fact that my husband was cheating.
started to fall in love in college, from acquaintance, to love, to marriage, and went through 13 years of ups and downs together. No one could have thought that the good days had just begun, and they were ruined by their husbands, and after the East Window incident, the wife asked her husband over and over again, what did she do wrong, so that he couldn't control it to go to the woman outside to fall in love?
And the husband also blamed himself from the beginning, ashamed to the last impatience, evaded, and finally simply didn't even go home.
Z said: "I feel like my marriage is coming to an end. ”Coming to this point, she began to hate her husband more and more, because of his betrayal and ruthlessness, she wanted to take revenge on her, and she also wanted the other party to pay for this wrong affair. So he filed for divorce and let the other party leave the house, and don't want to take away a penny from the family. And the husband at this stage just looked at her very indifferently, and finally left without looking back.
When a man is disgusted with you, any woman out there is better than you.
After her husband left, she locked herself in the toilet, from hysterical crying to endless regret, regretting that she was too impulsive, the child was too young, and it seemed a little cruel to let her grow up in a single-parent family, and she still couldn't let go of her husband in her heart, how did she break off her 13-year relationship?
Because of her self-esteem, she did not take the initiative to contact her husband once. Every day, I relieve my negative emotions by shopping and shopping, but in the middle of the night, I start to cry silently again, but unfortunately, reluctantly, remorse and heartache.
Two weeks later, the husband reappeared at home. Said to Z: "I know I'm wrong, don't get divorced, forgive me once, and we'll have a good time." ”
After hearing this, Z's emotions exploded again, scolding her husband, roaring, desperately venting her emotions, the other party's expression became hideous little by little, and finally said: Crazy.
Running away from home again.
Then Z fell into confusion again, his emotions were difficult to release, her husband couldn't bear such emotions, and her marriage was on the verge of death, how about the children?What about me in the future?What about the 13-year relationship?
Later, I read a series of articles I wrote about cheating and took the initiative to send me a private message.
In fact, emotions are a very bad thing, when venting emotions, all kinds of selflessness, and all kinds of regrets afterwards, sometimes women, don't steam steamed buns and have to fight for breath, besides, the husband is sorry for himself, there is no need to talk about it.
That being said, but I'll say it anyway: emotional control is important.
When we encounter a situation like Z, the first taboo is: throwing tantrums and swearing.
I have mentioned in the previous article that the husband's cheating is a 1-to-2 model, as long as the original partner does not find out, and the mistress does not force the marriage, he will always maintain such a relationship, then when the original partner finds out, the husband will immediately admit his mistake and let you forgive almost 80% of the cases.
Because here it touches"Loss aversion effect".I've talked about this before.
When the other party comes to apologize to you for the first time and admit his mistake and wants to ask for your forgiveness, he is testing you. Test your attitude towards this matter, and the value behind the original match is far more than that of the junior, to abandon the original partner and choose the junior, he has to face many situations, and it is obviously not cost-effective to make such a sacrifice for the sake of the junior.
So at this time, he asks for your forgiveness and tempts you, and he must immediately express his attitude: You are not loyal to me, and I want to divorce you.
At this time, the other party may persuade you in another way, such as: Have you really thought about it?Don't you forgive me?If you want to be good, I'll let it go. They will even throw their children out to make you give up the idea of divorce.
It's all a temptation, don't step on the pit.
This is also the second pit that is easy to step on, why do you say that?
Because when the other party admits his mistake to you, he wants to coax you well, and according to the moral level, he has indeed done something wrong. Let's coax you first. I tacitly believe that this is a kind of giving.
If you consume, that is, you are verbally violent or scolding the other party, at this time he will feel that you are accepting his pay, and after a few days, he will definitely not be able to stand it.
After that, all the mistakes are blamed on you, and self-insinuation: It's all your fault, you scold me, my marriage is unhappy, I will cheat, I cheat because of you!
If you follow the practice in the case, it is equivalent to you giving the other party a chance to send your husband to the door of the junior with your own hands, the gains outweigh the losses, and your temper tantrum afterwards, your husband is mentally prepared in advance.
He guessed what would happen to you, and the way to deal with it had already been thought about, at this time, for you, it was completely taken away by the other party, and the other party ran away from home, and you were sad;The other party divorces you, and you think he has no conscience.
So when you dare to divorce and have a showdown, everything is calm, at least you are calm, so that the other party can't figure you out, can't guess you, he will panic, the initiative, you will be in your own hands.
In fact, in the case, Z had two opportunities to do this, but she missed both of them, and used negative emotions to directly force her husband to take the initiative to divorce, so when I was doing a series of research on marital cheating, in fact, many correct practices are paradoxical to common sense, and according to normal operations, there may be a lot of detours.
Summary: At the heart of today, discover what happens when you misuse emotions after cheating.
Tip: Set yourself a time to vent your emotions, a quiet place, a piece of paper, a pen. Write down what you want to write, read it aloud, rub it together and throw it in the trash. It's best to keep the time to 10 minutes.
