This is a difficult topic for children. But I had to face it. Xue Shu is the same.
When my father had Alzheimer's disease, as doctors said, there was no medication that could slow down the progression of the disease.
Her mother's burden is getting heavier day by day, and she has a job and a family, so it is difficult to be by her side, so she and her mother thought of a nursing home.
They took their father to a benchmark nursing home in Shanghai, which had a good environment and nursing capacity, and was close to home, so that their mother could come and see them every day. Xue Shu and his mother were very satisfied.
Mother asked with a side face: Lao Xue, you will live here in the future, okay?The father looked up at the mother and did not speak. Xue Shu repeated again: Dad, do you want to live here in the future?
The father actually laughed and held it for 10 seconds. This was something he hadn't seen since he got sick, and any expression he had ever had was fleeting. What made the mother and daughter even more sad was that this smile was full of flattery, humility, pleading and uneasiness.
My mother had red eyes at that time, took my father's hand, and walked out as if she was running away, muttering: Okay, we don't live here, let's go home!When he heard this, his father cried out like a child, "Go home!"Go home!
And just like that, the topic is no longer brought up.
However, after a year, my father could no longer walk, eat and go to the toilet on his own. He became a baby who was a few months old and couldn't even roll over.
It is conceivable that with such a 140-pound body, not to mention the elderly mother, even Xue Shu is difficult to fiddle with. As a result, the house was often filled with the smell of feces and urine, and my father's body began to show signs of festering. At this point, it is no longer possible not to send to a nursing home, whether you accept it or not, whether you want it or not.
Because the mother put forward the condition that she must find a place to support the elderly within the father's own income range, and never increase the burden on the children, they finally found a town health center. The health center is not large, but it is overcrowded, and most of them are disabled elderly people. They lined up because of their connections.
Since then, my father has become a code name - "Bed Seven".
The nurses there are responsible for five or six patients each, and even if the patients can swallow, the nurses don't have time to feed them one bite at a time.
However, the father is happy. My mother would go to the hospital every day and bring what my father loved to eat. She said that she must let her father eat a meal that is not mushy every day. Xue Shu will also go often, scrubbing his father with his mother, and scraping fruit puree for his father with a spoon to eat.
But many more patients do not have this blessing.
Old man Xiao in the same ward has three sons, but he rarely comes, and when he comes, the three of them come together. When I came, I didn't take care of the old man, let alone ask for warmth, but to witness the bill given by ** together, and the three of them signed it together. After signing, the task is completed, and we are all gone.
Old man Xiao wants to buy dim sum, buy eight-treasure porridge or receive a pension, all of which are troublesome to the son of a civil servant in the neighboring bed. On the day his son came, he didn't say anything, and when his son left, he bothered his son to buy snacks for himself. Ask him why, and if he can't articulate, he will say: "Tell them to buy it?"My bills are gone, and there's no return.
Such an old man Xiao is particularly dependent on the nurse Xiao Peng. During the Chinese New Year, Xiao Peng took a few days off to return to his hometown, and Old Man Xiao was taken care of by other nurses, and he refused to eat the food fed by others, so that the substitute nurses always fought wits and courage every day in order to feed him. He also always begged Xue Shu's mother to call Xiao Peng, asking when he would return, but Xiao Peng didn't reply, and he would cry sadly.
After a few days, Xiao Peng finally returned. Old man Xiao smiled when he saw it, and said: Eight treasure porridge. Angry the substitute nurse half to death. Xiao Peng listened to the complaints of the substitute nurse, and asked Old Man Xiao why he didn't eat well with a tiger face, and fed Old Man Xiao a bite of food and vegetables for dinner. That night, Old Man Xiao finally didn't eat the battered meal.
Undoubtedly, Xiao Peng's heart must have been touched by Old Man Xiao's dependence on him.
Yes, no matter how hard and difficult it is to serve these old people, but over time, after being together for so long, there is still an unusual affection for each other.
Although they will also reprimand the disobedient grandmother and slap the wrinkled ass that pees without saying a word, but even if it is their own children, who can guarantee that they will not lose their temper and not be irritable in the face of these situations?!
Reading the book "Living in a Hospice", I saw that at the end of life, the person who had lost his human function was lying down, and now he had degenerated into an animal or directly turned into a plant.
What is the value of their existence today?If they are allowed to see all this clearly, is he willing to let himself be a zombie at the mercy of others?!
This is my thinking, just like Xue Shu's thinking.
Xue Shu once read an article by the American writer Sandra Luo called "Why I Want My Father to Die". In this article, Sandra, like her, is filled with endless grief and helplessness for her father's existence in the remnants of her life.
His father lives in a wheelchair, but he doesn't want to live in a nursing home, he doesn't want to wear diapers, and then he is happy to and pee on the bed, and he is picky ......about the caregiversDays like this make Sandra haggard and powerless. Sometimes he secretly hopes that everything will end as soon as possible, and when the thought flashes, he is full of self-blame.
Xue Shu read this article and burst into tears, but at the same time, she asked again: "One person and one sentence cheer for the graduate school entrance examination We have made our emotions so depressed and angry, and we blame the old man for the almost mental collapse, but none of us think about the old man who is snickering in the dark, is he willing to live like this?"Such doubts are full of sadness and shock that go deep into the bone marrow and soul.
It's not about filial piety, and it's not about money. So do I.