A few days ago, I had dinner with a friend who was doing consulting, and I heard a pretty amazing statistic.
She provided psychological services to a key high school, and the head teacher told her that 19 of the 45 students in her class were taking antidepressant drugs, and three had been suspended from ......
Talking about the head teacher's face full of distress, she saidThese kids are smart and strong. The school doesn't actually put too much pressure on them, and they themselves are already self-disciplined to the point that there is no room for improvement.
She told me 2 stories.
One
Zhen Zhen (pseudonym).Self-administered to a pathological degree. She made a schedule for herself every day, accurate to every half hour. She will make a summary of every exam, stare at the teacher and analyze her problems. Every month before the major exam, she gets up at 4:30 every day and goes to bed at 12 o'clock, without regrets.
The teacher observed Zhenzhen's extreme anxiety and desire for grades, and even showed somatic manifestations, such as hand tremors, hyperactivity, etc., and talked to her parents a few times, but the other party did not care.
It wasn't until she failed in a final exam and broke down and cried in the dormitory that her parents had to be sent to the hospital for examination. He was diagnosed with moderate bipolar disorder and had no choice but to temporarily suspend his studies.
Another boy named Daqing was admitted to a 985 university in Beijing as he wished. But from the mouth of his high school classmates, the head teacher learned that after Daqing entered college, he was addicted to online games and is now on the verge of dropping out.
Daqing's parents were very strict with him, Daqing was also very competitive, and his grades were among the best since he was a child, and his mother took care of his life full-time very early. All the way to the key primary school, middle school to university, never make mistakes in Daqing, after entering the university, let go of yourself, miss classes, play games, and fail coursesIt's like two people in high school.
If it weren't for her classmates telling the class teacher herself, she couldn't imagine that the top five boys in her grade would have fallen to this point now.
II
This friend told me:The more high-achieving children are, the more likely they are to be targeted by emotional problems. Depression, as if it were an excellent disease. "A child who stands out in the rigors of competition is more likely to be pathologically ill in his emotions, attitudes and values. ”
Either he will become a machine for learning Xi exams like Zhenzhen, get pleasure in bloody killings, and once he fails, he will not be able to defeat the army.
Or just like Daqing, even if you are admitted to a prestigious university, you don't know what the meaning of your Xi learning is, and the next stop in your life should go to **, so you fall into the dilemma of hedonism.
The deeper the repression, the deeper the control, and the more fierce the counterattack.
There are also many children who may not be so good, but they also survive in a highly competitive environment, and their lives are full of grades, rankings, and even if they are sick, they can't escape the status quo of homework. Lacking a sense of control and accomplishment, they also become a member of the "hollow heart disease".
When they can make their own decisions, they choose to be negative, lie flat and put on a bad posture - mourning, which becomes synonymous with them.
This was the case with the daughter of a distant relative. After returning from studying abroad, it was not smooth to find a job, and it was almost 30 years oldis still idle at home, and he is not looking for a partner, and his parents can only be in a hurry.
William Damon, a professor of education at Stanford University, hit the nail on the head: youthThe key to growing up is not too much pressureIt's meaningless, they have no direction in life.
The reason for the "emptiness" of teenagers is not only the high-competition environment, but also the fact that it isLack of thinking about the world and the self.
One person cheers for the graduate school entrance examination