15-year-old Xinying, before being diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder, was obedient and sensible from an early age and had a perfect primary school career. When he was in elementary school, he was rated as a good student many times, his grades have always been far ahead, and he has also served as a class president, a member of the Xi committee, and the captain of the Young Pioneers, loved by teachers, "envied and hated" by classmates, and has always been regarded as "someone else's child".
But after Jing Ying entered junior high school, the situation took a 180-degree turn. The obedient and sensible child is gone, replaced by a child who has difficulty learning Xi, is addicted to mobile phones, has mood swings, and has uncontrolled behavior. And after the start of the second year of junior high school, the changes were particularly intense, and my mother felt that in just two weeks, Xinying seemed to be a completely different person.
Later, the problem of Xinying became more and more serious, from the beginning of the frequent tantrums, saying that I was upset at every turn, and it became very difficult to get up in the morning. Later, Xinying began to often find reasons to avoid school and ask his parents to ask the teacher for leave.
Later, Xinying not only was late for school many times, and hated school more and more, but also developed to the point of quarreling with his parents at home, and even throwing things, to the point where he had no way to communicate with his parents.
In the end, Xinying went from being only "in the nest" at home at the beginning, and found that it would be the same outside. In public places and on the streets outside, once Xinying encounters something that doesn't go well, he will quarrel with his mother regardless of it. They will also yell very uncontrollably, completely ignoring the gaze of others.
Faced with this situation, Mom and Dad had to pay attention to it, and went to four psychiatric hospitals with Xinying, and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression by a psychiatric department, and bipolar disorder of mania and depression by the psychiatric departments of two hospitals and a Jingwei center.
However, after taking the medicine and doing psychological counseling, Xinying's behavior seems to have improved on the surface, her emotions are no longer so extreme, and her behavior is no longer often out of control, but Xinying's overall performance in school is getting worse and worse!
Before **, although Xinying's performance was poor, he was still able to go to school, but after taking drugs and doing some personal counseling, Xinying couldn't go back to school.
Xinying has evolved from a leave of absence at the beginning to a suspension later. And the state of taking a break from school at home is also getting worse and worse, staying in his room every day in black and white to play with his mobile phone, brush **, and play games.
When will such a day be a head?How can my daughter's condition improve?Is it possible for the child to return to school smoothly?
Xinying's mother saw a series of articles on Guan Xinying's psychological counseling, especially when she saw some cases of disgust similar to Xinying, and with the mentality of treating a dead horse as a live horse doctor, she contacted Guan Xinying suspiciously and found Dr. Guan Xin.
In fact, in the face of Xinying, he stays at home every day, plays with his mobile phone upside down in black and white, and is irritable once he communicates, and the most anxious is Xinying's mother. As a primary school Chinese teacher, my mother is the most unacceptable for her daughter to have psychological problems. Moreover, when I was young, because my father was busy with work, the cultivation and education of Xinying were mainly completed by my mother. It is reasonable to be reasonable, and my mother is the one who is the most unwilling to win and have been tired of studying.
As my mother said in counseling, "When I was on leave of absence, I felt more anxious and stressed than her. I can't sleep every night, thinking about what my child will do in the future!”
But in the face of the situation that has not improved much, not only does Xinying feel a little given up, but even his father begins to think that whether Xinying can go back to school in the future is not so important, in Dad's words, "It's a big deal that we will raise our daughter for a lifetime." ”
Therefore, when Xinying's mother saw some ** and cases of Dr. Guan Xin on the Internet, and contacted the time to come to Shanghai, not only Xinying did not come, but even his father did not come together.
When I asked why my mother came alone, and why Xinying and my father didn't come, my mother said that Xinying was a little unwell, so my father wanted to accompany her at home.
But later, in the communication, my mother said that after more than half a year of tossing, whether it was taking medicine or counseling, it didn't get better, so Xinying and Dad didn't want to toss anymore.
In fact, this kind of situation where the mother is very anxious and anxious, but the father does not cooperate, is very easy to appear in the family of school-weary children who are received by Guan Xinying.
The main reason is that in today's families, mothers are often responsible for children's education, and fathers are often busy with work and making money, so some disappearing fathers are formed, and even the phenomenon of "widowed parenting" is formed.
Therefore, when children have problems, especially educational problems, or psychological problems, fathers often do not comfort their mothers at the first time, stand on their mother's side, and overcome difficulties together.
But there is a very strange phenomenon, that is, when the child has a problem, the father will immediately accuse the mother of not educating the child well.
Especially in some families where fathers earn money to support the family and mothers are full-time housewives, this phenomenon will be more obvious. Therefore, when Dr. Guan Xin is doing some family education, he often jokingly says that women must be careful of a gentle trap, called I am responsible for making money to support the family, and you are responsible for being beautiful like a flower.
In the current economic society, once a person loses the ability to be financially independent and can only choose to rely on, or to use psychological terms, it is the time to enter a symbiotic relationship, which is also the most dangerous time. Because with the passage of time, there is no such thing as a beautiful flower all the time, and even the situation that domestic flowers are not as fragrant as wild flowers. At this time, the mother who has stayed at home in the greenhouse for many years will fall into a comprehensive passivity.
During the consultation, Dr. Guan Xin heard some fathers' accusations and complaints to his mother more than once, and even when the conflict was reproduced and the quarrel scene was restored, when the father re-enacted the accusation he told his mother in the quarrel, "I am working hard outside to make money to support the family, and you can't even take care of a daughter at home." Even if this sentence is performed in the reappearance of the conflict, many mothers will still be aggrieved until tears come out of their eyes after hearing it.
Therefore, many times, mothers will insist on finding a way to heal their children with psychological problems in a situation of guilt, self-blame, and unwillingness to pay too much in the early stage. And dad tends to look rational, but in fact he has a negative attitude of opposition, and makes such a negative acceptance behavior.
Although he was skeptical, Xinying and his father were not together, but her mother still made an appointment with Dr. Guan Xin and began to consult.
In the counseling process, in addition to the traditional psychological counseling of listening, empathy and other conventional techniques, Dr. Guan Xin especially explained the causes and mechanisms of the emergence of psychological problems of Xinying, as well as the matters that need to be paid attention to in psychological counseling for the psychological counseling of adolescents who are disgusted with school.
Moreover, it also talked about the reluctance to participate in psychological counseling, which is actually a relatively common phenomenon. Such an expression is also an effective enlightenment for alleviating the anxiety of Xinying's mother, as well as the feeling of being alone in the consultation, shaving the head and picking the head is hot, and the emperor is not anxious about the eunuchs.
For counseling for teenagers who are tired of school, it is actually more common for parents to participate unilaterally when the child is unwilling to participate. This is also an important reason why Dr. Guan Xin often says that psychological counseling for adolescents with abogyxia is the most difficult to do among all counseling, that is, when misanthropy counseling begins, it is often a kind of "proxy counseling".
What is proxy counseling?Even the initiator of counseling and people with psychological problems are often not alone. Just like the case of Heart Win, under normal circumstances, it is the daughter who has a psychological disorder, and it is the daughter who conducts psychological counseling.
However, because teenagers are not yet adults, when they have psychological problems, they are often the parents who are guardians and make some decisions on behalf of their children, including going to psychiatric departments, Jingwei centers, or going for counseling.
Therefore, proxy counseling, compared with general psychological counseling, is more difficult to do. The reason is that parents come over and say that their children have problems, hoping that the psychological counselor will solve the children's problems. But in fact, when children have psychological problems such as school boredom, especially after parents take their children around to seek medical advice, parents have some psychological problems. Especially in terms of anxiety, the heartkeeper will find that the anxiety of parents is more serious than that of children in many cases.
Therefore, in the face of the phenomenon of surrogate counseling that often occurs in the psychological counseling of adolescent school aversion, it is not possible to follow the expression of the parents, it is the child who has a problem, and the focus should be on counseling the child;It is also not possible to fully follow the client-centered or client-oriented principle of traditional psychological counseling, and focus the counseling on the visiting parents, because if the child's problem is not solved, the source of parents' anxiety has always existed, and it is a fool's dream for parents to put down their anxiety.
So what is an effective way to consult in the face of this kind of proxy counseling?According to the summary of more than 8,000 counseling cases of Guan Xinying Psychological Agency, it can be seen that the best practice is to conduct family counseling, that is, parents and children have counseling together on the spot.
To sum it up in the words of Dr. Guan Xin, it is the problem of children's school boredom, which is neither a problem of children nor parents, but a problem in the relationship between children and parents. And this kind of relationship problem, we can't completely put the responsibility on a certain person, but to analyze and solve the problem from the perspective of parents and the system, that is to say, in fact, the problem of children's school boredom is actually a problem that the whole family needs to face and solve together.
If, like many parents, they just let their children solve problems every day and just let their children see a doctor, there is a phenomenon that is often summarized by heart stewards, that is, parents are sick and children take medicine.
Dr. Guan Xin also explained to Xinying's mother that at present, why is it that this kind of situation where parents are sick and children take medicine is the most commonThe key reason is that parents are not aware of the three levels of adolescent school aversion, as well as the difference between the causes of physical and psychological problems, and the nature of the superimposed trauma of stress and stress in adolescents
Because the current psychological problems of teenagers, especially the popularization of science in school boredom, are not enough, so most teachers and parents do not know that school boredom should be divided into three levels: education, psychology and spirituality.
Moreover, many parents generally have the idea of quick treatment of minor diseases, thinking that the psychiatric department and Jingwei center of the hospital are more authoritative, and the solution will be faster and better. This kind of psychology is the same as 10 years ago, once everyone had some headaches and brain fever, they would go to the hospital to prescribe antibiotics, and it was the same reason to hang a drip.
However, the psychological problems of adolescence are often when the child has psychological problems, especially when he goes to the psychiatric department and Jingwei center, prescribes a bunch of medicines, and takes a bunch of medicines, and does not appear as expected by his parents, that is, after taking the medicine, he will get better after a period of rest.
The reason is that the mechanism of psychological problems and physical diseases is different. To summarize in the words of Dr. Guan Xin, it is that the physiological problem is not adapted to the natural environment, and the psychological problem is the inadaptability to the social environment.
What does this mean?
It is our physiological, that is, physical, problems, which often appear when the natural environment changes. Therefore, when some seasons change, when the temperature changes suddenly, many people will often have some diseases because of this unadaptability to the natural environment. At this time, taking some medicine to increase resistance, coupled with staying at home and resting, is actually to eliminate the harsh and changing natural environment, and the body will slowly get better.
However, there is less relationship between the emergence of psychological problems and changes in the natural environment. The biggest impact on psychological problems is our social environment, to put it bluntly, our interpersonal relationships, especially those around us. Therefore, the occurrence of adolescent psychological problems has the greatest relationship with the social environment in which the child lives, that is, school and family.
This is also why Dr. Guan Xin often preaches in some popular science of school aversion that school is the origin and family is the origin of psychological problems such as school aversion to children.
In other words, children's problems, often caused by incidents, are related to the school, but the real root, especially the root of the solution, is still in the family.
On the one hand, the reason is that there are so many children in the school that it is difficult to make changes for one child, which may involve other inequities. And we also know that it is difficult for us parents to change the environment of a school.
Another reason, in addition to the family is what our parents can change, that is, the problem of children's school boredom, when they are in school, they are only at the education level, but because of some mistakes in the family, they have reached the psychological level of school boredom.
The most troublesome point of psychological problems in adolescence is often some superimposed trauma. It is these psychological problems of children that are often related to some unreasonable requirements of parents, and some repetitive stress trauma in the daily relationship with parents form the part below the surface of the iceberg of children's psychological problems. Then, when there is a sudden stressful event, it is often a stressful thing that occurs at school. At this time, there will be a superposition of stress-type trauma and stressful events, forming a superimposed trauma, so that the child has psychological problems such as school boredom.
So, why should parents deal with the superimposed trauma of stress and stress?Dr. Guan Xin will explain it to you in the next article.