1Early in the morning, I was washing my face, and my son suddenly yelled "Invincible Iron Head Gong" and then rushed towards me with his head down. "Bang" Immediately after, the son's cry and his wife's roar sounded.
2When I first got married, my daughter-in-law was fat, and I was thin, so I once went to a small store to buy something. The little shopkeeper was an old lady in her sixties, who took her daughter-in-law's hand and said to her daughter-in-law: "Girl, eat less of the delicious food at home, give him more food, don't always bully him, you see that he is thin, you are fat, what a good pair you two are!.""My daughter-in-law wanted to buy some snacks that day, but she didn't buy anything, went home and beat me up and ignored me for two days.
3A young man buys an expensive necklace for his current girlfriend. The beautiful female clerk asked, "Do you want to engrave your girlfriend's name?"”
The young man thought for a while and said, "No, just engrave 'Give me the only love', so that if it blows, I can still use it!."
4 I remember when my wife and I got the marriage certificate, my wife's house was close, and I soon brought it, my home was far away, so my father sent it, it happened that the knife at home was not very easy to use, my father came with a knife by the way, and vaguely remembered that when my father handed me the household registration book and the knife, that look, as if to say: The knife and the household registration book are given to you, and you can't get the certificate tomorrow, you can do it yourself!
5. When I was in high school, a boy wrote me love letters. At that time, I was stupid, so I took it home and showed it to my mother. Unexpectedly, the next day, my mother went to school and made an unannounced visit. When I got home, my mother pulled me and said, "I inquired about this kid's handsome Xi." How do you feel about people?Hurry up and send me a letter. Don't make people wait. If you like it, you have to catch it, and you won't see it in the future.
6. During school, I fell in love with a good girl. One day, she told me that she liked a boy, and then she started describing how good that boy was. My first feeling wasn't me, but the more I listened to her description, the more I felt that she was me. So I confessed to her with a hot head - it wasn't me!
7 Today's class dictation, the teacher reads: embarrassed for treachery.
I couldn't write for a while, so I glanced at the tablemate, I went, she wrote a wolf and was raped!
8A: Today I was fired. B: Why?A: Yesterday, the leader sent a notice saying that he wanted to clean up the company and asked everyone to arrive at 10 o'clock. As a result, all my colleagues went, but I didn't.
B: Didn't you stay in the office until eleven o'clock?A: yes, so I was fired!
9And there was a rich woman who had a rash. The doctor told her that the rash was due to an allergy caused by contact with a dog and advised her: "It's better to sell the dog or give it away." The lady said, "I am not going to sell it, I am not going to give it away, I am going to see another doctor, who may have a different way of dealing with it." It's easy to change doctors, but it's too hard to find a good dog. ”
10 pick up the express, because it is a small piece, the courier guy looked for a long time and did not find my package, so he turned his head and asked me: "What are you?".I paused for three seconds and said, "I'm a human ......."”
11 Walking with my father-in-law, my father-in-law asked me with concern: "Child, is my daughter not very good-tempered, doesn't let her talk back, kneels on the washboard when she makes a small mistake, and is locked out of the door when she comes home late?"You have to learn to endure it!”
I gave a thumbs up and said, "It's really my own daughter, you know her too well!".”
How did I know that my father-in-law looked aggrieved: "I know too well, it's exactly the same as her mother......."”
12 I was idle today, ready to make dumplings to eat, and my three-year-old son had to help, so he asked him to help wrap them together, and after wrapping them for a while, I suddenly thought and said: "Mom, I forgot to wash my hands when I picked my feet just now" I thought about it and said: "It's okay, you can recognize the wrap and keep it for your dad to eat."
13Before I got married, when I was in love with my daughter-in-law, I would gently kiss her every morning to wake up. And my daughter-in-law will also be very sweet and say to me: "I will do this every day in the future." Now I kissed her in the morning, and my daughter-in-law slapped her and said, "Get out!."Kiss me early in the morning without brushing your teeth!”