Many boys have reported to me: It is too difficult for girls to communicate, especially girls who break up, what should I do if the oil and salt don't enter?
In fact, when most girls decide to break up, they are not impulsive, but after many times of communication and exchange with each other, they finally do not achieve the expected results, and then make up their minds to end the relationship.
The key to winning back a girl's heart is to understand how she likes to communicate. If you don't understand her point of view.
If you can't empathize with the girl's feelings, the redemption period will be infinitely extended
Here's an example
Girls often express emotions when they quarrel: you can't understand what I want, you ignore my feelings, you don't take me to heart at all, you don't love me at all.
Maybe the reason you quarrel is just because you forgot to wash the dishes, but in the end, the content of the quarrel has nothing to do with it. Whether it's not replying to messages or deception involving something, girls can always come to the same conclusion: you don't love me.
Some guys just can't figure it out: I'm just discussing something, why does it end up going up to whether I love her or not?
As we all know, many women are usually more inclined to deal with affairs with emotion, and at the same time, they are more inclined to express their needs and emotions in an emotional way. If the boy can only play straight balls and only see the superficial meaning, the conflict and disagreement with his partner will become bigger and bigger.
Therefore, if we want to win back the heart of our ex-girlfriend, we must first appease her emotions in time, and we must not let the negative emotions expand indefinitely. How to appease?
An important takeaway is to understand and empathize with her feelings.
The specific operation can be broken down as: united front, giving a choice of reasons.
1.Let's start with the united front
To put it bluntly, you need to put yourself in the girl's shoes and understand her thoughts from this perspective.
The important thing about this step is that you have to find her emotional pain and name the emotions that she is experiencing but are not aware of or express.
For example, I know you've been having a hard time lately and we've both given a lot to each other for this relationship. I know I'm disappointing you, but in fact, these are trivial matters that I don't pay attention to. Now, no matter what I do, it seems like it's too late to make amends, and I don't know what to say, so I feel sad.
2 Now give her a reason for choosing.
What are the main reasons for your quarrels, disagreements, and contradictions?Is it due to the difference in family background?Or is the emotional aspect neglected?Or is it caused by the inadequacy of the original family?
Did you fail to reassure her by not responding to messages in a timely manner?Perhaps you need to think about the reasons for this from a different perspective. If only you talk to her directly in a formal way.
She will most likely not be honest with you, and may even feel that you really don't care about her, and you don't care about her needs even if you break up.
If one of the reasons you mention touches on her sensitive point, she may continue to talk about the topic or simply start blaming you and releasing her emotions.
There is no need to doubt that she is the source of most of the negative emotions so that you can at least filter her emotions and get to know her more deeply.
3.Once the cause has been identified, it is time to move on to finding a solution.
When arguing or explaining with her, be sure to avoid being tough. Because your explanation may have a certain impact on her original cognition.
She thinks it's your fault because she thinks you don't care about her and don't love her enough, which led to the separation between us. If you offer another truth, it's like insulting her.
So at this time, even if you want to communicate with her, try to adopt a more tactful way.
For example, what you said before was: The reason why I didn't come back for your birthday that day was because the company had overtime requirements. Not only that, but I brought you a gift when I got home. Is there anything else you're not satisfied with?
Now a different wording can be used: I didn't notice your birthday before, and it was indeed my negligence. Even if I'm busy, my phone will alert me.
To make up for the missed birthday that day, I managed to grab tickets to the art exhibition you've always wanted to go to, and also bought your favorite gift. You'll just forgive me, right?
Which of the above two expressions do you think girls prefer?
If the other person uses offensive language to respond to you.
For example: Do you think it's not important to forget your girlfriend's birthday?When did you start to become so cold?
If you are confronted with such an obvious trap question, you just have to answer it, and she will find an opportunity to debate with you. At this point, the best thing to do is to terminate the conversation, or subtly change the subject, at least to avoid a direct confrontation with her.
In general, all emotions have a reason and there are corresponding ways to resolve them, but you need to understand what is feasible and what is not, and grasp the way to deal with it, so that you can take the initiative in communication and make it easier for your ex to accept what you are saying.