"Are parents going to be ruthless and send their children to boarding school?"What's wrong with living in school, children are focused on learning and can take care of themselves!"There have always been very different views on whether or not to choose a boarding school, and I am on the side of it. The reason I objected was firstly because it was difficult to achieve, and the other reason was that there were some cases of boarding school failures around me: my cousin, for example, was sent to a competitive private boarding school in the city when he was 12 years old, and I witnessed him lose weight from 130 to 90 pounds in one semester, and he also suffered from stomach problems. His body collapsed, and his studies worsened. My cousin has always maintained a sense of alienation from his parents, he said, and it was at that time that he was buried. Another example is my best friend's daughter, just a week after the start of primary school, my best friend cried to me and regretted letting her daughter live in school. The little girl who used to be lively and cheerful, went to school for 5 days, cried 5 times at night, and was silent when she got home, and didn't answer when she asked her what's wrong, and on weekends she stayed at home doing homework and watching TV, and became like a completely different person. My best friend's heart is deeply stabbed!!
1 Whose needs are boarding schools for?Parents choose to send their children to boarding schools for the sake of their children's Xi and growth. "I'm too busy at work, I can't take care of my children, and I don't have time to accompany my children to do homework", "I'm always addicted to games at home, and I can restrain myself in school", "My child has weak self-care skills, so I can exercise in school". Living on campus can provide more effective morning and evening Xi time;Children learn to be independent in group life and to communicate with their peersAt home, parents may not have the time and energy to supervise their child's homework, and the school is better able to address this;Communal life in boarding schools helps to avoid bad habits such as procrastination and laziness Xi ......Sending children to boarding schools seems to improve their studies and relieve parents, but in fact it transfers the responsibility of parents to the school. Of course, it is the sincerity of parents to let their children live well, but it is also the wishful thinking of parents who want to be a "hands-off shopkeeper".
"Aletterto...... of The GuardianThe column featured a letter from a man who had been a boarding school in which he shared the pain of boarding life and expressed his dissatisfaction and anger at his parents. However, his greatest concern was not his past experience of bullying, but his parents' failure to provide him with adequate support when faced with school problems.
Teacher Yin Jianli, an education expert, is clearly opposed to the boarding system, and once said: "If there is a gap between parents and children, they may be able to develop strong self-care skills, but the education of children in orphanages should be the best." This position emphasizes the close relationship between parents and children.
On Zhihu, one user recalled his boarding life, describing the various emotions of his parents' lack of involvement in his life during those six years, including quarrels with classmates, scolding from teachers, and even though he had excellent grades, he was tired of such a life five days later.
While a child's independence and academic performance are expected by parents, what children crave most is the company. Prolonged boarding sessions, especially for younger children, can potentially bury resentment towards their parents and fear of abandonment, and as a result, they exhibit a complex of emotions including resistance, grievance, anger, flattery, and excessive clinginess.
2 Is it good for a child to leave a parent?In 1930, the American educator Skiers conducted a follow-up study of environmental interventions at a welfare station. Two orphans with IQs below 50 were selected and transferred from the orphanage to *** run by women with mildly backward intelligence*** After 6 months of observation, the IQs of the two orphans increased to 77 and 87, respectivelyAfter 27 months, the IQ reached 95 and 93, respectively, almost the same as that of a normal child.
Why is it that just the change in the environment can improve the IQ of orphans so much?The researchers explained that this was because the two orphans were cared for like mothers in their new environment. Boarding schools may be able to meet children's material needs, but they have limited free time and limited individual attention. When a child encounters a problem, it is not possible to get timely parental help, especially if the emotional needs are not fully met.
The famous rhesus monkey experiment vividly demonstrates the importance of emotional nourishment in early life. Psychologists designed two baby monkeys, one with a wire mother and one with a flannel mother. Although the wire mother comes with a feeding bottle, the baby monkey prefers to choose to be with the flannel mother, and even gives up the opportunity to have a feeding bottle. This experiment proves that the intimate relationship with parents is not only a blood relationship, but also requires a long time and frequent time to give children a sufficient sense of security.
We understand that the age of 0-3 is a critical period for children to develop a sense of security, but it does not mean that they are no longer needed after the age of 3. Parents are the most important support system for a child throughout his or her life. At the age of 3-6 years, the child's personality is initially formed, and at the age of 6-12 it is the period when the character quality is solidified. During this time, the influence of parents is the most far-reaching, and it will be difficult to make up for missing this opportunity.
3 Cherish the time you spend with your child, because your child's growth is an irreversible process. Although one day your child will grow up and step out into the outside world alone, try not to push him away when he needs you the most. Some people think that when boys reach the age of 10, they have their own language and social circle, and it is difficult for mothers to have a profound impact. Similarly, when a girl reaches the age of 9, she will have her own secrets and playmates, and her attitude towards her mother's companionship may change.
Cherish it, cherish the time we spend together. Teacher Yin Jianli pointed out: "Family affection is the best nutrition, the dining table is the best desk, and home is the most outstanding school. "Having dinner with children and teaching table manners is educational;Regular work and rest time and students who act in the same way develop self-disciplineMaking a weekly to-do list for your child and allowing them to plan their own time and complete them on time is also a way to develop self-discipline. Spend some effort to let your children participate in English drama classes and enjoy literary and artistic works togetherVisiting museums, climbing mountains, and playing basketball together are also a way to cultivate sentiment.
A friend's child was originally in a boarding school, but in order to be with the child, she preferred to move twice and insisted that the child switch to day school. When asked why, she recalled: "When I was a child, every night when I did my homework, when I got up to go to the bathroom, my parents' room would always have an orange light on, which they left for me. With that lamp, I feel very grounded. Another netizen @lily shared his experience: "When I was a child, I was criticized by the head teacher once, and when I got home, I felt wronged and cried all the time. My dad said, 'Actually, the teacher is right, otherwise you can cry after eating.' That sentence instantly untied the knot in my heart, and the next day, I took first place in my chemistry exam. "Even the former ** Obama of the United States has never been absent from his daughter's parent-teacher conference during the 21-month ** election campaign. The best parents are always there for their children when they need them most.
4 With regard to boarding schools, we acknowledge the pros and cons of them, especially in areas where educational resources are scarce, such as mountainous areas or where villages are scattered, where children may need to wake up early and face long journeys and rugged mountain roads, which can be difficult and unsafe. In contrast, boarding schools are able to reduce children's travel and risk while not spending most of their time walking, which is positive for their bodies and Xi.
However, if this is not the case, we recommend keeping the child with you as much as possible, given the time, conditions, and abilities.
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