Virginia Woolf, a well-known feminist, said, "Women are to be the protagonists of their lives, not spectators." ”What is a modern woman? As Virginia Woolf saidWomen should pursue autonomy and independence, be brave enough to take control of their own lives, and not passively accept the arrangements of others。This means that women should also have their own careers, hobbies and social circles in love and marriage, rather than relying solely on their husbands or families.
However, in real life, many women are still tied to traditional family roles, becoming so-called ".Mommy Treasure Girl".。These women often lack self-confidence and independent thinking skills and rely too much on their mothers for guidance and advice. Such a role not only limits a woman's personal development, but also has a negative impact on the marital relationship.
My friend Xiaomei, 35 years old this year, has been taken care of by her mother since she was a child and has never left her mother's side. However, as she grew older, Xiaomei gradually realized that she lacked the ability to think independently and make decisions independently.
First acquaintance with love
After Xiaomei entered college, she met a handsome and dashing boy, and the two quickly fell in love. However, Xiaomei's mother is against this relationshipIt is believed that the boys are not good enough, and the family is in the countryside, after getting married, she can't bring happiness to Xiaomei.
Xiaomei is in a tangle, on the one hand, she loves her boyfriend, and on the other hand, she does not dare to go against her mother's wishes. When her boyfriend proposed to take her away and fly away, or cook raw rice and rice, or communicate with her mother in person, Xiaomei had no opinion at all and did not dare to make any kind of principle, and in the end, she chose to listen to her mother's advice and break up with her boyfriend.
Break up again
After breaking up with her boyfriend, Xiaomei listened to her mother's advice and didn't dare to make any more claims to get to know her boyfriend, and under her mother's arrangement, she started a new relationship.
However, this romance was also not approved by the mother. The reason is that Xiaomei and her boyfriend have a disagreement, and her boyfriend's voice is raised a little, which happens to let Xiaomei's mother see itXiaomei's mother thinks that Xiaomei's boyfriend is not considerate enough, can't take care of Xiaomei.
I didn't ask Xiaomei's opinion at all, and I vetoed it, and told Xiaomei's boyfriend that you two would break up in the future, although Xiaomei's boyfriend was very surprised, but seeing Xiaomei obeying her mother's opinion, the boy could only break up.
Become a "leftover woman".
In the following years, Xiaomei kept changing boyfriends, but she never found a boy who could satisfy her mother. The reasons for the breakup are all strange:"is not tall, the genes are not good", "it is not a double eyelid, the child will not look good in the future", "the family has no money, and it is not the right family".Wait a minute.
In this way, unknowingly, Xiaomei passed the age of 30 and became an older leftover girl, and her mother felt that her reputation was not good, and she couldn't let her daughter be labeled as a "leftover girl", so she stepped up to recruit a boyfriend for Xiaomei.
Divorced after a few months of marriage
In the end, without falling in love and without understanding each other's temperament, Xiaomei's mother turned to the manasked for a bride price of 200,000 yuan, and got married in a flash after knowing each other for a month。After getting married,Xiaomei has never lived in her mother-in-law's house at all, she herself feels that her mother is not around, she is very worried and scared alone, and she does not dare to face her mother-in-law's family or even contact her husband.
On the wedding night, her husband happily wanted to promote good things with Xiaomei. But Xiaomei pushed her husband away, and after repeating it, her husband was not interested, and her husband thought that Xiaomei was shy and didn't force it too much. But as long as her husband sleeps beside her, Xiaomei is so nervousOn the wedding night, she ran back to her parents' house
In this way, for half a year, Xiaomei never went back to her mother-in-law's house, and she didn't say anything when asked why, and her husband was even more ashamed to open up, during which her husband also asked her to go back many times, but every time she hid behind her mother and didn't go home. After Xiaomei's mother understood the situation, she said to her uncle very strongly: ".She's still a child, waiting for her to get used to it
This marriage lasted for more than half a year, and the man had no choice but to file for divorce. After the divorce, Xiaomei's mother always thought that she could find a better one, but a few years later, no one came to the door to propose marriage, and then she looked for a matchmaker, and the matchmaker refused.
Xiaomei looks like a "good girl" on the surfaceIn fact, there is a lack of independence and autonomy in the heart and mind, unable to face life with her husband, which eventually led to the breakdown of the marriage.
A parent's love is selfless, but sometimes, over-protection and pampering can hinder a daughter's growth. We have to remind ourselves all the timeTrue love teaches them to be independent and gives them the ability to think and choose freely.
Let's teach them how to think independently, how to make informed decisions, and let them own their dreams and pursuits. Let's encourage them to step out of their comfort zone bravely, face challenges and difficulties, and develop their resilience and perseverance. Only then can they truly grow into independent, confident, and empowered women.
At the same time, women are half the sky of society and a warm harbor for families. A woman's independence is not only a choice, but also a power. Every woman should have her own opinions: pursue her dreams, have her own life, and become the protagonist of her own life.