I
When I returned to my hometown for the Chinese New Year, after settling everything, my mother said to me: "I have time to go to the west of the village to see your third grandfather, I'm afraid it's only been a few days." ”
I was stunned for a moment, and then relieved, the third grandfather is already 83 years old.
The third grandfather is my grandfather's cousin who came out of the third suit, and he has been working in the city before, and I heard that he is a senior electrical engineer, and he suddenly moved back to the village 20 years ago.
At that time, there was no house and land for him in the village, so he contacted the village party secretary and the elders of his family to discuss and rent an idle small courtyard to him, and the rent was very cheap.
That year, the third grandfather moved, which caused quite a stir in the village. He combed his hair and polished his shoes, and instructed the craftsmen to clean up the house inside and out, and put in them the belongings he had brought from the city.
The children of the village wanted to go in and see the freshness, but they were stopped outside by a lock. Only the village party secretary has been in, so what is he doing in order to get him to sign his name. It is said that there are antique shelves inside, and the walls are full of books, and the village party secretary can't read a single one, saying that it is all electrical appliances.
In the summer of 2001, I met the third grandfather for the first time.
I heard my mother say that he is retired, and his retirement salary is several thousand, and he just wants to return to his roots and come back to the village to retire.
"Does he have no wife and children?I asked a little strangely.
"I have no children and no daughters, and my wife has died a long time ago. The old mother said, "It's also a hard life, his father and mother died early, and his brothers are dead, it's all fate." ”
I became curious about this third grandfather who suddenly appeared, and paid special attention to him.
He lives a very regular life, getting up at six o'clock every morning, walking around the Beida River at the back of the village, and coming back to make his own fire and cook.
There is always a group of idlers gathered at the head of the village, basking in the sun and chatting, he never comes to the front, just reads books and grows flowers in his small yard.
He only interacted with the village party secretary, my grandfather and a few other well-known people in the village, and occasionally drank some wine with them.
The rules in the countryside are that all the old people who are capable, have seen the world, and are old will "take care of things" in the village. If there are people in the village who are married or mourned, these "stewards" will stand up and take over, they know the rules of the village best, what to do about marriage, what to do about funerals, how many tables to open, how many people are needed, and the host of the work will discuss with them.
Generally, the host family sets a table of wine, and several old men with gray hair and wrinkled faces sit together, drinking and eating while pulling around, and arrange things in one night.
These people don't need to post invitations, and they don't need to issue appointment letters, it seems that everyone knows that if you feel that your ability and prestige are okay, and the people in the village also approve, you can go to Zhangluo.
This can be regarded as a well-established custom in the countryside.
After the third grandfather came to the village, many people came to ask him to help Zhang Luo, but he refused.
Over time, except for a few village chiefs, he hardly interacted with people.
II
When I went back the summer vacation the following year, I got up early to run, and often saw him wandering around the Beida River behind the village, sometimes standing in a daze.
When he met me, he called him "Third Grandpa", and he just responded with an "um".
One day, I met him by the river, and he suddenly took the initiative to call me: "Xiaosheng, are you in XX University?".”
I replied yes.
He said, "Well, that's good, my wife and I also graduated there, it's a good school." ”
My school is a well-known key university in China, and he was in his 60s, that is, he went to university in the early 60s. College students in those days were amazing.
I was very curious and wanted to say more to him, but he closed his mouth and walked away with his hands behind his back.
When I got home, I asked my mother about the third grandmother.
Mom said she didn't know. I only know that the two of them live in the city, and they are very capable, and the third grandmother has never returned to her hometown over the years, and no one in the village has ever seen her.
The couple never had a child in their lives, and the people in the village speculated that the third grandmother might not be able to give birth, because the third grandfather had asked the elders in the village to help him and wanted to raise a child a long time ago.
At that time, he really recruited a few suitable children, but in the end, for various reasons, he didn't raise them.
Later, he almost lost contact with the village until he retired and came to the village to retire.
I was a little strange: "He works so well, why don't he find a sanatorium in the city, why go to the village alone?".There are no descendants in the village, who will take care of him. ”
The old mother shook her head and said, "Then who knows, everyone in our village is also suspicious." ”
I heard that he was the first college student in our village to go out. I asked.
That's not what happened!My mother said, "It's a pity that my life is not good, my father died when I was a teenager, and my mother died a month later." Two years later, two younger brothers also died. ”
Huh?I was taken aback, "What's going on?"”
"I don't know exactly what's going on. knew that after the death of his parents, he pulled his two younger brothers together, and later he was admitted to the university in the city. At that time, college students were scarce, so I paid more attention to it, knew the situation of his family, arranged for his two younger brothers to live in an orphanage, and made up the tuition for him. Your third grandfather has only been in college for a year, and his two younger brothers drowned in the Beida River together, one is 12 years old and the other is only 9 years old. ”
I was silent, thinking of the back of the third grandfather wandering lonely around the Beidahe alone, and I felt that he was quite pitiful.
In the days that followed, I would take the initiative to chat with him when I met him, and slowly we got acquainted.
After getting acquainted, I found that the third grandfather studied the same major back then, and he has been working as an engineer in a large state-owned enterprise after graduation, with profound knowledge, rich experience and great insight. Therefore, I often ask him for advice on things I encounter in my studies and life, and he is willing to teach me.
I became the person in the village who talked to him the most.
He never talked to me about his parents and younger brothers, and whenever the conversation was about to touch them, he automatically blocked them.
But he didn't shy away from talking about his wife.
His wife was his college classmate, very elegant and beautiful, and his father-in-law was also the dean of the university college.
Just like an idol drama, the daughter of a rich family falls in love with a talented poor boy, and the two break through the resistance and finally come together.
After marriage, the relationship between the two has always been very good, but unfortunately his wife is not in good health and has not been able to have children, and he died in his fifties.
"She's just so nice and so kind. So she is always preoccupied, she feels that she is not qualified to give birth to children, she is not qualified to be happy. Barely pregnant, her subconscious refused the arrival of the child, and her body couldn't help it, so she always miscarried. So the body is getting worse and worse, and ...... getting worse and worse”
The third grandfather looked at the Beida River in a daze, and two ducks were playing in the morning sun on the surface of the river, floating on the water for a while, and drilling to the bottom of the water for a while, splashing waves of water.
Later, when I graduated, worked, and settled in the city, my third grandfather gave me a lot of very practical advice.
I'm thankful to him. Because my parents were uneducated, they taught me to be a good person and do things seriously, but they wouldn't tell me what to do when I got out of school, because that was their blind spot in knowledge, something they had never experienced.
And these things, the third grandfather knows. He and I had almost the same experience, and we both had some sympathy for each other.
There are some things I'd like to tell him and listen to his advice. Even having a girlfriend was successful with his encouragement, and later became my wife.
Every time I go back to my hometown, I go to talk to my third grandfather almost every day.
When he was in his 70s, his health was not as good as before, and his life was a little difficult, so he took out a few hundred yuan a month and asked my mother to clean up the house for him and send him three meals.
He is more withdrawn than before, except for a walk on the side of the Beida River every day, he basically does not go out.
After the rise of smart phones, I once suggested that he sell a smart phone, and showed him the magic functions of the smart phone to play **, play games, brush **, etc., he refused, he said he didn't like those complicated things, he wanted life to be as simple as possible, and still used his old antique key machine.
IV
Put away the memories and come to the third grandfather's house. The third grandfather was lying on the bed, thin and only a handful of bones remained.
The room was full of people, all waiting for him to breathe.
His spotless room was already covered with mud footprints, and there were pomp and ash on the antique shelves.
I heard that he had already explained the aftermath, and 40,000 yuan was handed over to the village manager, which was called these uses. All the gifts received were given to a nephew of the family, who was a filial son in front of his spirit, broke the crockpot for him, and led him on the road.
After death, he was not buried next to his parents, but in the village cemetery.
It seems that he was clear until he died.
I walked into him, his eyes tightly closed. seemed to have lost his breath, and the grandfather next to him called him softly and said, "Xiaosheng, see you're here." ”
He opened his eyes and nodded at me as if he hadn't seen anything. Looking at the water cup next to him, an aunt hurriedly helped him up and leaned against him and fed him some water.
His eyes lit up, and he suddenly said to his grandfather beside him: "I'm much better, tell everyone to go back, and let Xiaosheng stay with me tonight." ”
Grandpa looked at me and I nodded.
Grandpa went out to talk to the other elders, and everyone came over to say hello to the third grandfather, and they all left.
At the door, my grandfather asked me, "I don't think he's doing well, that is, the matter of the past two days, can you do it?"”
I said, "What's not going to work?" What are men in my forties afraid of, and the third grandfather is not an outsider, so they can rest assured if you call my mother. ”
When I came back after sending them away, I cleaned the house first, and the things on the table were all arranged according to the way I remembered.
When I came back to see that the third grandfather was still leaning there, I asked him, "Are you tired, do you want to lie down?"He said no.
I sat down on the bed. He smiled and said, "It's a day for everyone to have it, nothing." I went down to see Lin Yun, I don't know if she still recognizes my old log. ”
Lin Yun, I think this must be the name of his dead wife.
And Mom and Dad," he lowered his eyes, "I don't have the face to see them." ”
I hurriedly comforted: "No, third grandfather, you are the pride of our family, and my grandfather and grandmother will also be proud of you." ”
You don't know. His eyes widened, and two lines of tears suddenly welled up.
The tears were gushing out like a spring, and I had never seen so many tears come out of my eyes.
I panicked and quickly pulled out a few pieces of paper to wipe his tears.
But his eyes were like two springs, which kept pouring out, and he gradually turned from weeping to sobbing, and then to wailing.
I was so frightened that I didn't know what to say, so I could only pull his arm and shout, "Third grandfather!".Three grandfathers!”
He grabbed my hand with such force that I couldn't pull it out.
"Kotani!Xiaodong!I, you come and kill me!The third grandfather suddenly called out like this.
I didn't look good and said, "Third grandfather, you wait, I'll call grandpa over!."”
No, you don't. The third grandfather gasped, but his tone was quite calm, "You sit down, Xiaosheng." Listen to me. ”
I hurriedly helped him sit down against the pillow and wiped the tears from his face.
"I'm fine," he said, "Xiaogu, Xiaodong is my brother, they, they ......”
He seemed to use all his strength to spit out a few words from his mouth with difficulty: "They were killed by my own hands." ”
There was silence in the room.
The third grandfather's face was unusually dry, reflecting the dim light, the color of dead ash, and there were still undried tears on it, but there was not a single tear in his eyes.
You say, how am I going to see them?He asked blankly, not knowing if he was asking me or myself.
I didn't know what to say, and I sat there motionless, and he began to talk to himself.
Here is his confession.
It's been more than 40 years, how the hell have I come over these 40 years?
Everyone thinks I'm successful, but who knows the pain in my heart?No one knows, maybe Lin Yun can know.
Lin Yun, Lin Yun, I really hope we haven't met. How nice it would be if I didn't meet you.
At the age of 18, my father and mother passed away one after another, and I couldn't wait to die.
Before my father died, he took me by the hand and said to me, "My brothers will entrust you with it, and in the future, you will be their father and mother, and they will honor you when they grow up." ”
After my father finished speaking, he spurted out a mouthful of blood and dyed my shirt red, Xiaogu and Xiaodong sat next to me and cried, and I cried, but I could only cry silently.
My mother died like this a month ago, and I said this to my father before I died.
After burying my father, I want to go back to school. My younger brothers stayed in the village to go to school, and they were 8 years old and 11 years old, and they were able to take care of themselves, and I went home once a week.
I was in pain, I had nowhere to vent, so I could only focus all my energy on studying. But I noticed that my younger brothers seemed to have forgotten about their parents' deaths, and they ran out to play after school, and when I asked them to do their homework, they didn't listen to me.
What makes me even more angry is that they seem to be happy, not at all like the people who have died of their parents.
They rolled all day covered in mud, because they were often hungry, and their clothes hung like rags on their bodies, floating empty.
But they were really happy, they ate a piece of baked sweet potato together, they shared a potato together, they went to the field to catch frogs together, they went to the river to fish together, and their faces were full of happy smiles, and I saw it very dazzlingly.
Later, I was admitted to a major university, and everyone cast envious and adoring eyes on me.
Kotani and Koto also looked at me with admiration on their faces, saying that they would definitely study hard and go to university like me in the future.
I told them that if they wanted to go to college, they couldn't go out every day, and they agreed.
The village reported my admission to the university to the township, which in turn reported it to the county, and the county leaders came to see me.
Seeing the two younger brothers who were as thin as loaches, the female leader secretly wiped away tears. Later, someone from the township sent his younger brother to a nearby orphanage, where he could eat, drink, and go to school.
The female leader said: "You go to school hard, don't worry about your brother, stay in the city after graduation, and take your brother over to reunite with the family." Let your younger brother also be admitted to college, and your parents will not worry about it below. ”
The two younger brothers stood by and listened attentively, nodding their heads as they listened, and I saw the light in their eyes brighter.
On the college playground, I memorized English as I walked.
Suddenly, a pair of delicate black leather shoes appeared in my field of vision, looking up at a beige dress decorated with dandelion patterns, followed by a slender snow-white neck, smiling lips, a pear vortex at the corner of the mouth, and a pair of eyes like autumn water, looking at me with a smile.
I've remembered this scene for the rest of my life, and I think about it now as if she was still standing in front of my eyes like this.
I hurriedly looked down and walked around, and there was a girl's silver bell-like laughter behind me.
Later I often saw her in the playground. In fact, she was my classmate. But I always sit in the front row during class, and I look up at the teacher and the blackboard, and nothing else is always on my radar.
That's how we got to know each other, and later, the walk on the playground turned into two people.
I don't dare to think about it, she is the only daughter of the dean, a scholarly family, everyone is beautiful, and I ......
I also have to take care of my two younger brothers.
During the casual conversation, she asked me about my background, and I told her in tears that my parents had died, and that I had two younger brothers.
Since then, she has been better to me, and I can see that there is love for me in her eyes, as well as distress.
Of course, our relationship was not all smooth sailing, but we eventually came together against all odds. Her parents, who were reasonable people, knew that I was an orphan and excelling academically, and decided to accept me and sponsor me.
She told me the news, then snuggled tightly into my arms and said emotionally: "We will be your relatives from now on." Mom and Dad said that they will treat you like a son, and you will stay here after graduation, and we will never be separated from ......”
I hugged her tightly, my heart was pounding, and at that moment I felt like I had the whole world, and I was so happy.
When I got back to my dorm room alone, I turned off the lights and stared at the ceiling all night.
I can't have this happiness yet, I still have two younger brothers, and I promised my parents to raise them. But I'm a person who needs to be funded, so how can I support them?
Ah, I haven't been back to see them for half a year, and I don't know if they're doing well.
I believe that they will definitely be able to live well, they are always so happy, optimistic, and not afraid of all hardships.
They are like weeds growing in the fields, even if they are hoeed off, they are still on the side of the road, as long as they are stained with a little dirt and water, they can grow tenaciously.
What a hassle. If Lin Yun knew that I still had two younger brothers, what would she think?Will she forgive me?
Even if she didn't blame me, would the dean still agree to us being together?
Alas!I still have to spend money to support them after work, why do I have to bear so much!
It would be nice not to have these two drag oil bottles.
"It would be nice if I didn't have them. This sentence was like a spell and deeply ingrained in my mind.
Whenever Lin Yun and I were angry, I thought she knew about me and had two younger brothers and wanted to break up with meWhenever I went to her house for dinner, the dean and his wife asked me about the situation at my house in great detail, and I was so afraid that I would leak my mouth.
It's not that I haven't thought about confessing, but I know that once I confess, Lin Yun and I will be finished. She is so upright and kind, she can't tolerate someone with moral flaws to be her husband.
"It would be nice if I didn't have them.
yes, why can't we do without them?
If they are not there now, then I will not have to go back to my hometown in the future, and no one will come to me.
Even if Lin Yun heard that I had two younger brothers in the future, they died young.
Anyway, she probably knew when they died, and I said that I died before I knew her, and I was too sad to mention it, would she still go to find out the cause of their deaths?
As long as she doesn't return to her hometown for a few years, she will never have a chance to know.
Well, that's how it should be. Otherwise, the rest of my life will be over.
Make up your mind, and things will be easy.
I took a day off from school, bought a hat and took the bus to the orphanage.
I hid outside the fence and waited patiently until the bell rang and dozens of children ran out of the house.
They run, jump, play, and laugh on the playground from time to time, and they don't look like orphans at all.
In this group of small figures, I quickly found two younger brothers. As they approached the wall, I called them by name.
Seeing my appearance, they screamed "ah", I hurriedly stretched out my fingers and made a silent movement, and the two children ran to me with their mouths covered.
Through the fence, I could see that they were cleanly dressed and had flesh on their faces. I whispered, "My brother came here to do some errands and secretly came to see you." Hurry up and eat at noon, and go to the Beidahe behind our village to find me. ”
Xiaodong said: "Brother, brother, why haven't you come to see us for so long." ”
I said, "My brother is too busy. Remember, you have to be quiet, don't tell anyone I'm coming for you, you know?I ran out secretly, and if my school leaders found out that I would be expelled, you must keep it a secret. ”
They nodded desperately, I waved my hand, and there were children calling their names behind me, and I quickly turned and left.
At noon, they did jump to the river, and I hid in the woods not far away, and when I saw them, I hurried over.
The two of them took one of my hands and put almost their entire bodies on my arm.
I feel a little irritable in my heart, these two children, like dodder seeds in the field, want to wrap themselves around me for the rest of their lives, no.
I took them to a small hill by the river, there was no one nearby, and the Beida River was flowing endlessly.
The weather was really nice that day, with blue skies and white clouds, and the sun was shining. The two of them were rolling and frolicking in the grass.
I sat on the sidelines and looked at them with a smile on my face.
Under the scorching sun, the breeze blows across the water, creating a thin layer of silver waves. I pulled out cans, sweets, and all kinds of snacks from my bag.
They jumped up in surprise and ran over to hug me tightly, "Thank you, brother!".Thank you brother!The two of them chattered non-stop.
I said, "Hurry up and eat, I'll take it back to the orphanage when I can't finish it." ”
They looked left and right, picked up a pack of biscuits for a long time, Xiao Gu gently tore open the package, carefully took out a piece, Xiao Dong watched from the side, his eyes were full of light, the corners of his mouth twitched and sipped, as if he was secretly swallowing saliva.
I felt a burst of disdain in my heart: I didn't have any interest at all, and my mouth was so greedy.
Xiao Gu took the biscuit and looked at it for a long time, and muttered, "It's so beautiful, just like the one my mother bought for us that time." ”
I said impatiently, "Eat it." ”
As if he had just reacted, he raised the biscuit to my mouth and said, "Brother, you eat first." ”
Xiaodong also said: "Yes, I want my brother to eat first." ”
I pushed it over and said, "I've eaten it, you can eat it." Eat quickly, I'll have to go back to class later. ”
The two of them finally let go, and you ate one bite at a time, laughing while eating, and kept asking me to eat together.
Finally, when both of them were well fed, I sat on the grass and they both leaned on top of me and asked me how I was doing with collegeAre there many people inside?What kind of people go to college?
I casually perfunctory a few words from them, bent on finding an opportunity to do it.
There is a brick-sized stone not far behind you, which should be very handy, and there is a deep North River below, and the location is very suitable.
Brother, can we sleep for a while?Xiao Gu asked, and Xiao Dong's eyelids were also fighting.
I said, "Sleep, the first class in the afternoon is over, and I will ask your teacher for leave." ”
The two of them smiled sweetly at me and fell asleep on the grass.
I stood up, faced the reservoir, and thought a lot. I want to stop there, but to stop is equivalent to burying my future, that is, to give up my relationship with Lin Yun, no!I can't do it!
Under the guidance of the demon, I picked up the stone and walked towards Xiaodong step by step.
The fluff on his face was clearly visible in the sunlight, a smile on the corner of his mouth, and unwiped cookie scraps.
I relented, closed my eyes and slammed it into his head.
Bang "with a bang!My tiger mouth was numb, and my heart was excited, and my first reaction was: "Why is it so loud?".”
Kotani's head tilted and he didn't move, and I don't know if he was dead or fainted.
Brother!A crisp cry from behind scared me to throw the stone in my hand at once.
It's Xiaodong. He watched in disbelief at the scene in front of me, and I stepped back, and he pounced on him, shaking Kogu desperately.
Xiao Gu's eyelids moved, opened half of them, glanced at Xiao Dong and closed them again.
Xiaodong cried and cried, let me save him. My vision became blurry and dazed, and I picked up the stone on the ground again and threw it towards Xiaodong.
Xiaodong fell, his eyes were full of tears, and he begged me: "Brother, save me, save me, I don't want to die." ”
Suddenly, he cried, "Daddy!".Mom!Help me!Help me!”
I was stunned, and my father's words came out before he died: "My brothers will entrust it to you, and in the future, you will be their father and mother." ”
He squirted a mouthful of blood at me, and my white shirt was almost red with blood, just like the blood-stained faces of Kotani and Koto in front of me.
"It's late!It's too late. "I dragged Xiaodong up and carried him towards the river, he struggled desperately, beating my back, although he was only 9 years old, thin and small, dragging him over was still tired and I was sweating profusely.
Suddenly he stopped struggling, and I turned my head to meet the look in my eyes that I will never forget, and he called out, "Brother." ”
Then I threw him down the bottomless Beida River.
Then, Kotani was also returned to me.
I took the bus back to school that day.
On the third day, I received a call from the village saying that my two younger brothers had been killed.
I asked my teachers for leave and rushed home to see them one last time.
When questioned by the police, I couldn't help myself with a back pain, so I just shook my head.
It is said that some classmates saw them talking to outsiders in the fence of the orphanage and asked them who it was, and they said they didn't know each other.
The last place they were seen was the cafeteria, and they were never seen again.
* After several months of investigation, there was no result, and finally it had to be dismissed.
I spent months in a state of trepidation, and then no one spoke of them again, and my heart slowly settled.
Later, as I wished, I successfully graduated, successfully entered a large enterprise in the city, and successfully married Lin Yun.
On the night of the wedding, I was drunk and full of ambition, and my wonderful life had just begun.
Later, I learned that that night was the pinnacle of my life.
In a daze, I had a dream.
This dream was long, long, I dreamed of the birth of two younger brothers, I picked them up in swaddling clothes, patted them to sleep, they learned to call me "brother" and followed me like little tails all day long.
I dreamed that my dad was watching me from a distance, and I went up to him and told him I had succeeded, but he was spraying a mouthful of blood on my new suit. Luckily, the suit was black, so you couldn't see anything.
I dreamed of the noon by the Beida River, the biscuit crumbs on Xiaogu's mouth, Xiaodong's eyes before he died, and the bottomless Beida River that wanted to swallow me in.
Since then I have had frequent nightmares, I dare not sleep alone, afraid of sunny days. I forced myself to forget, but fear always enveloped the darkness and came at me again and again.
I always thought that no one would ever know the secret. I never went back to my hometown, and I barely interacted with my relatives.
Lin Yun and I live very happily, we respect each other like guests, and we have never quarreled. Occasionally, when there was a disagreement, I was the one who took the initiative to compromise. My parents-in-law treated me very well and treated me as their own son.
Everyone says we were a natural pair.
The only regret is that it is difficult for Lin Yun to get pregnant, and it is easy to conceive two children and miscarry them early.
I went to the hospital for a check-up, but I couldn't find anything.
Since then, Lin Yun has changed a little, she is no longer like she was before marriage, she has become very calm, and sometimes she shows a trace of sadness, I always think it is because of the fate of not having children.
In fact, she has been like this since the second day of marriage. It's just that I'm immersed in my own world and don't discover it.
Because, Lin Yun knows everything.
I always thought I had a long dream on my wedding night, but I later learned that it wasn't a dream, it was a real thing.
When I was drunk and didn't know anything, I pulled Lin Yun and told her everything.
One can imagine how surprised Lin Yun should have been at that time.
But she didn't say anything, and when she woke up the next day, nothing happened, and she lived with me for more than twenty years.
At the age of 52, Lin Yun couldn't afford to be sick, and she seemed to see through life on the hospital bed and didn't have the slightest desire to live.
She passed away a short time later, and in a letter she left me, she told me that she had been miserable in this life, that she had loved me so much, that she had painfully killed two innocent little lives.
She often dreamed that two boys came to her, one of them with crooked eyes like me, and the other with a mole on the corner of his mouth like me. Although she had never met my two younger brothers, she was convinced that they were just that.
They could have grown up healthy and happy, but they were brutally killed because of her. She wanted to leave me but couldn't, and spent every day in tangles and pain. For her, death was nothing but relief.
After reading the letter, I lay in bed for a whole day without moving. I thought of death, and I wanted to atone for my sins. But I can't, can I atone for my sins when I die?I should live in pain, life is better than death, I want to live for a long time, I live in torment every day.
I returned to my hometown, walked around the Beida River every day, re-enacted the scene of killing my younger brother every day, faced Xiaodong's mournful eyes every day, and made my heart feel as uncomfortable as a knife every day.
It's been more than 20 years, I've had enough of the torture, maybe they want to forgive me and finally let me go.
Woo
The above is the whole process of the third grandfather's dictation, and I have mixed feelings in my heart after listening to it, and I don't know what to say.
I can't say words of comfort, and I'm not in a position to forgive the dead**.
I lightly held the third grandfather's hand and watched him close his eyes, the corners of his eyes were dry, and there was not a single tear.
I fell asleep in a daze, and woke up the next day when I was banging on the door, the earth was covered with snow, and the sky was still falling.
The third grandfather had already passed away in the night.
I hope that the third grandfather will be forgiven, but I know that he will not be forgiven.