I, a 58-year-old retired teacher with a pension of 5,500 yuan, was reduced to picking up waste because of a decision
In 1986, I graduated from secondary school and was assigned to work as a Chinese teacher in a local elementary school. This job not only allowed me to get rid of my rural hukou, but also allowed me to enjoy the superior conditions of the city and become the envy of the villagers.
In the first year or two of my career, I have received several suitors who have come to my door to propose marriage. Although my mother said that she was not in a hurry to settle down, she hoped to find a good family for me as soon as possible.
One day, Aunt Wang in the neighborhood recommended her nephew Dawei to my mother. Dawei works in the Transportation Bureau, is a secondary school graduate like me, two years older than me, looks tall, thin, dark, and gives people a sense of honesty and reliability.
In the following relationship, I found that Dawei has a kind personality, cares and considerate, and thinks about me in everything. Even when there was standing water after the rain, he would carry me on his back for fear that I would get my shoes wet.
Our relationship heated up rapidly, and in less than half a year, we entered the stage of talking about marriage. It was 1988, and according to local custom, we had to pay a bride price of 8,000 to 10,000 yuan. In order to marry me, Dawei's family generously gave me a bride price of 10,000 yuan, and my mother-in-law also gave me an additional gold ring.
My mother was very satisfied with the marriage, and her face was full of happiness. I am also immersed in the vision of a better life in the future.
That winter, we tied the knot. In the best of years, I thought I had found my ideal partner, and I expected that the future would be smooth sailing, peaceful and happy.
In the first year of marriage, I welcomed our son, and both parents rejoiced and rushed to take care of the child for us. Everything seems perfect, and I am convinced that life in the future will be happy and peaceful.
Ten years later, the peaceful days ushered in unexpected waves in 1998.
A close friend told me that her sister-in-law works in the transportation bureau, and according to her sister-in-law's private disclosure, there are often some eye-to-eye actions between Dawei and the female accountant of the unit, and people in the unit are talking behind their backs, suggesting that the two are having an affair.
At first, I didn't really believe this girlfriend's words, because David has always been very friendly to me, never angry, and treats my family warmly and friendly. How could he have an outside heart?
Still, these words sowed the seeds of doubt in my heart. I began to pay attention to David's words and deeds.
What aroused my sensitivity the most was his coldness in some aspects of me, always avoiding me intentionally or inadvertently. Every night, he always used the excuse that he was too tired to go to sleep.
Sometimes, he would say that he was afraid that his snoring would affect me, so he went to sleep in another room. I didn't pay much attention to it at the time, but in retrospect, was there really something wrong?
I began to inquire tentatively about him, but found no flaws. After all, without conclusive evidence, random suspicion will only bury hidden dangers in the relationship between husband and wife. I prefer to believe that it's just someone else's creation out of nothing.
However, I may have been overconfident. It wasn't until one day, when things suddenly exploded, that I was forced to accept the reality that my marriage was like a broken ship full of holes, and I was complacent and unaware.
One weekend, David told me that a friend was looking for him, and I didn't pay much attention to it, but just took the child to his parents' house.
When I got home in the afternoon, a neighbor came to me in a hurry and told me that Dawei had an accident and was arguing in the community. I couldn't believe that such a drama could happen to me.
I got on my bike and hurried to the neighborhood.
At that time, there was only a three-story building in the community, and as soon as I entered the door, I saw a group of people watching and shouting. I struggled to squeeze through the crowd, and the scene in front of me made me angry.
David stood there as another man grabbed him by the collar and snarled menacingly at his nose. The female accountant tried desperately to pull the man's hand away, but the man insisted on letting go.
When I saw this, I believed that what my neighbor said was true. I was at a loss for a moment, whether to step forward and reason with others, or apologize to the other party
Just when I was hesitating, someone recognized me and told the man loudly: "His wife is coming, his wife is coming!".”
I awkwardly walked up to them and tried to understand what was going on.
The man yelled at me, "Do you know what's going on?".Your man ran to my house to seduce my wife. ”
I calmly responded: "Flies don't stare at seamless eggs, since something happened, it must be willing on both sides." Catching him won't solve the problem, so let's go back and educate your wife well. ”
The corners of the man's mouth twitched, and he finally let go of Dawei's collar. Fortunately, he was not a vicious person, and after a few curses, he was pulled back by his wife.
David followed me home, and along the way, I felt countless pairs of eyes staring at us, countless hands accusing me.
When he got home, David slapped himself a few times, saying that he was confused for a while, that woman was too good at talking, and praised him every day, and I would only accuse him, saying that he was not right and that was wrong.
I sat down on the floor and cried loudly, because the marriage I had always been so proud of was so unbearable. I used to think that I was a woman who was held in the palm of my husband's hand, but in his heart, I had already become a shrew.
Maybe it's my professional Xi, I always like to teach people, and my family is no exception, let him do this and that, he has to do it according to my wishes, but I didn't expect him to have so many grievances in his heart, and finally turned his dissatisfaction into action.
I feel that my marriage has become a joke, and a person who cares about face has become the topic of conversation after dinner.
I filed for divorce, but David said he didn't agree to anything. He said a lot of soft words and promised not to make mistakes again. He begged me to forgive him this time.
Although I was reluctant to forgive him in my heart, divorce was not an easy task in those days. Traditional thinking, the face of adults, and the growth of children are all important factors to consider.
Therefore, I put aside the anger in my heart for a while.
However, even if the mirror is broken, no matter how well it is repaired, it has already left a crack. Since then, there are almost no more times when I look at him well. Even the sound of his mouth chirping during the meal was unbearable for me, and I almost wanted to grab his bowl and throw it away.
As the saying goes, "If you don't like it, it's wrong to even breathe." "At that time, I was full of deep hatred for him, he ruined my good expectations for marriage, and also ruined the peace of my life.
After a few years of patience, I filed for divorce. At this time, the child was already in high school, and I planned to go through the divorce formalities first, and then pretend for a year or two, and wait for the child to go to college before officially separating.
David disagreed, repeatedly begging me to let go of the past. However, I couldn't get over it. In fact, since that incident, our relationship has long since died in name. Both he and I were in an awkward state.
I threatened him that if he didn't agree to go through the divorce process together, I would tell my son about his scandal. He reluctantly agreed. So, before New Year's Day that year, we quietly completed the divorce formalities and ended my 17-year marriage.
After the divorce, we still live in the same house, and the old people and children are kept in the dark. We waited until the children had finished their college entrance exams to announce the fact of divorce to them.
The child ignored us for several days, and my mother was sad for a while.
Then, David and I sold the house and got half of the money each. After we separated, we both found a new place to live.
Two years later, David made a down payment to buy a small apartment and enjoyed a carefree life.
And I did something that got me into trouble.
In 2006, when online chatting was on the rise in small counties, I was depressed and often looked for someone to chat with on the Internet to relieve my loneliness.
At that time, I met my second husband, Lao Wu. He was eloquent and persuasive, often comforting me and sharing his emotional experiences. He is also divorced, his wife has left him, and his son is working outside the home, leaving him to live alone.
Gradually, I found the long-lost warmth in Lao Wu. We met quickly and came together. As our son went to college, we decided to get married.
However, after getting married, I realized that Lao Wu's eloquence was far better than reality. His so-called property is just a broken yard in the countryside of his hometown, which is still shared with his two brothers. The car he drove was also given to him by a friend after it was scrapped, and the license plate had expired.
In fact, Lao Wu is a person who has "no house, no car, no deposit". On the contrary, I am a teacher in the establishment with a fixed salary. Some people started to say that he "eats soft rice", but at first I didn't care, thinking that feelings were the most important.
However, life is often a mixed bag. Although Lao Wu was devoted to me and had always had a good relationship, financially, he plunged me into the abyss of debt.
After I got married, I used the money I had saved and borrowed money to make a down payment on the house, hoping to use my salary and Wu's ability to earn money to easily repay the loan. Lao Wu claimed that he had the ability to make a lot of money, but he was only temporarily lacking in funds, and he also boasted of having a wide range of contacts.
So, I used my status as a member of the establishment to take out a small loan of hundreds of thousands of dollars and invest in what he called a profitable project.
Lao Wu purchased machinery and equipment, opened a small stone factory, and also contacted the business that provided material delivery services for the construction site. However, within half a year, there was a problem with the supplier and disappeared with our advance payment, causing the construction site to stop due to project disputes. We lost more than 200,000 yuan.
I started constantly blaming him, believing that he was not capable enough to make blind investments. His mood also hit rock bottom. One day, he drove over and killed a man because of an argument with me.
Then came a lawsuit, in which Lao Wu became the party at fault and needed to compensate 400,000 yuan to the victim. We had to sell the machinery at a low price, and the machinery of tens of thousands of yuan ended up selling for only a few thousand yuan. In addition, we had to sell the house that was being repaid on the mortgage.
After the reparation, we had nothing and were still burdened with a debt of five or six hundred thousand. This includes money borrowed from previous purchases as well as loans taken during renovations.
With the passage of time, Lao Wu finally chose to lie flat, not interested in high-income jobs, and low-income people were not eye-catching, so he simply chose to stay at home.
Now, I am the only one left in the family to earn money to pay off my debts. Friends and relatives said I was crazy because I was not only looking for a man, but also having to take on the responsibility of supporting him, and I was also in such a predicament.
I considered divorce, but went through the process again for fear of becoming a laughing stock. Although Lao Wu was kind to me in other ways, we also experienced some quarrels that I couldn't bear to leave him alone.
Maybe it's because the passion I had when I remarried has faded, and I don't want to fight anymore. As I get older, I don't want to get into trouble anymore, and even after I get divorced, those debts still hang over my head and I can't escape.
My son also blamed me, he chose to stay out of town after graduating from college and found a girlfriend. Although they are both in their 30s, because they don't have enough money to buy a house, the two can only rent a house and live together, trying to save for a down payment. And I was running around every month to pay off my debts, and I had to find another way out of my living expenses. Before I retired, I was able to make up some extra money on my classes, but in recent years I have been heavily regulated and can no longer do this work.
In order to make a living, I saw the aunts in the community picking up waste and even joined them myself. Sometimes the bottles and cartons picked up in a month can be sold for about 1,000 yuan. Although it may be a little embarrassing to meet acquaintances sometimes, you can only go out quietly at night or in the early hours of the morning.
Last year, Lao Wu finally came to his senses and found a job, although his monthly income was only more than 3,000 yuan, it was better than nothing. Right now, the debt will take three years to pay off. I felt guilty about my son and thought that when the debt was paid off, I would save all my salary to help him save for a down payment to buy a house.
Sometimes in the dead of night, I wonder what kind of destiny is lifeDivorce and remarriage were supposed to live a better life, but they fell into a quagmire and struggled. If I had chosen not to marry again, would I have had a better life?
Life is full of unknowns, and we can't ** the future. Every choice is the pursuit of better, but it often backfires. Sometimes one wrong step can be a cliff from which it is difficult to turn back.