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When you know that the other person has hurt you, and you are in a toxic relationship with the other person, why is it still difficult for you to leave the other person, and even think that you still love the other person?
The first reason is trauma bonding。To put it bluntly, the abuser creates all kinds of weird and chaotic scenes by repeatedly punching a date, disrupting the victim's normal life, shattering the victim's self-esteem and rational thinking ability, and causing insanity.
The second reason is that your family of origin itself is not healthy。Your parents didn't teach you what a healthy relationship is, and even when you were growing up, you were humiliated, suppressed, snubbed, abused, and wantonly violated your boundaries by your family of origin, and your parents named it love.
So in your subconscious, you also accept this way of treating you by default. When your partner, friend or colleague treats you in a similar way, you don't realize for a long time that the other person is hurting you until the damage to you is so severe that you don't realize it even a little.
The third reason is PTSD flashback。You will often recall all kinds of images of you and your abuser in your mind, and some people will think that it is a reminiscence, but in fact, your brain is trying to analyze what is wrong with past experiences.
However, because you have been in a toxic relationship for a long time, you have cognitive dissonance, mental confusion, impaired rational thinking ability, and your original family education is defective, which makes your mental strength and ideology immature, so the brain review and analysis are blocked.
The fourth reason is the immaturity of the mind。As a result, you have not figured out what you want to get in relationships, what you can't accept, what is good for you and what is bad for you. You also don't have enough self-esteem, self-love and a sense of boundaries.
The fifth reason is that the unhealthy tendencies of popular culture affect social mores and personal values。In order to create topics to attract attention and gain traffic, some ** and film and television producers have added more and more extreme, distorted and grotesque materials to ** and film and television works. Those ** and film and television works with unhealthy thoughts and behaviors such as bosses and sadomasochism are popular, misleading many people's understanding of normal interpersonal relationships.
The first step to solve the problem is, of course, to be aware of the existence of these problems and to correct them in a targeted manner. Physical and mental isolation from the abuser is a very effective solution, while rebuilding self-esteem and self-love and improving the mind is a big and deep topic, and it is a lifelong practice.
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