Click above"Blue letters"Let's do it!Hello everyone, I'm Chen's mother.
Today we're going to answer a friend's question.
My own family of origin was very bad, so after I got married, I not only prepared physical nutrition, but also prepared a lot of parenting knowledge. After the birth of my child, I even quit my job and took care of my child's growth at home.
For the sake of his development, I discussed with him and then enrolled in English, Go, and equestrian interest classes. But he always promised to be good in advance, and then regretted it in a few days. Without perseverance and concentration, I really have a headache.
And his temper is getting bigger and bigger, 8 years, I put down my career development, with my youth, but in exchange for only one sentence, Mom, I hate you. What do you think I'm trying to do?
Let's talk about it, what is this mother trying to do?
If you want me to say, isn't it just trying to compensate for yourself and replace the value of comfort!
The words may have been said harshly, but the reason is actually still the same reason.
I also became a mother myself, so I realized that there has always been a fashion trend in the parenting world.
English, Go, Olympiad, Model Airplanes, Equestrian...Of course, there are also college entrance examination immigrants and the current super hot high school entrance examination immigrants.
As far as the mother next to me is concerned, for the future of the baby, it can be said that she has used all the resources around her, and she said: Don't let the baby lose at the starting line, and don't let the baby become a funeral object for the population.
I was exhausted from tossing myself, and even more, I had no friends, no work, and no leisure to open the three-no chicken baby mode.
And that's not even the most devastating.
In the counseling room, there are children who drop out of school and can't go to school, people whose children are severely depressed and frequently hurt themselves, and there are children who regard their parents as class enemies and hate to die of old age and ......
What went wrong?
Is there a mistake in the original intention for the good of the child?
Is it wrong to plan for your child's future?
Isn't the conventional answer all right?That could be a terrible cycle, what went wrong?
My answer is, wrong, very wrong.
What do you think of your children when parents are planning so desperately to make efforts?
A blank piece of paper, let you write?
A doll, whatever you can plan?
So, to solve this problem, we have a big premise to understand: when you are raising children, how do you view them?
The child was brought into the world by his parents, and his factory model was already designed, but he forgot to bring a detailed set of instructions to his parents.
SoIn the process of nurturing, we need to replace judgment with observation, decision-making with understanding, and utilitarianism with patience.
How to get out of this involution tide of parenting?That is, not following fashion trends.
Don't see other people's babies start English enlightenment at the age of 2, you are anxious that your own baby will definitely lag behind in English in the future;
Don't see other people's babies start learning Xi equestrianism at the age of 3, you are anxious about your baby's future education, extra points, and loss of chips;
Don't see the success of other people's baby's strategic immigration, you are anxious that your baby's future of education will definitely fall behind.
What you have to do is to withdraw your gaze and cast it on yourself and your baby.
You can observe which critical period of the baby is coming in the patient play?
You can learn about his thoughts and insights in the conversation with the baby;
In fact, if you want to have a good effect, you need to look at yourself, what can you do to set an example for the baby?
Recently, Chen's father's cousin made me admire the five-body throw.
When her baby was in the first year of junior high school, the parents around her tried their best to let their children jump out of the examination team in Henan.
She is alone, as always, she works during the day and reads with her parents and children at night;Usually she and the baby are busy separately, and on weekends she accompanies the baby to make up Xi and relax.
Before the start of the second year of junior high school, my cousin's baby suddenly announced that she had transferred to another school, and she was transferred to Beijing to go to school.
It turned out that my cousin was admitted to a university in Beijing for a doctorate.
She is using her own efforts to create a more diverse future for herself and for her children.
Isn't this the "real fierce man" in the mouth of Mr. Feng Tang!
The judgment standard of a really fierce person is ruthless to himself and tolerant of others.
It's the same when it comes to parent-child relationships.
We just need to do our job as mothers, and in my opinion it's the sameThe first is to take care of the child's diet and daily life;The second is to set an example and guide children.
As for the child's growth, we just need to respect and follow his own growth rhythm and rules.
Chen's mother saidTolerance for a child does not mean blindly doting and pampering, but you provide him with the environment, materials, and resources he needs to grow.
At the same time, we should do two things: do not make empty and exaggerated praises, and do not make accusations that are divorced from facts.
In fact, a really fierce mother, what is more difficult is to be a good role model.
What qualities do you expect your child to have, please stick to them in your daily life, such as focus, perseverance, courage and assertiveness...
Then, just wait for the flowers to bloom!
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