Hi!I'm a bundle, long time no see!In the past few days, I have been attending a friend's wedding and getting together with my friends, and I have found that I have changed compared to the previous me!
On the high-speed rail, I like to sit in the window position with my friends, if someone wants to change with you, what should you do?
If I didn't know how to refuse before, I would definitely choose to give up my seat.
And now I'm going to say to someone, "I'm sorry, I like to sit in the window and look outside."
I don't know how to refuse. Focusing too much on what others think of you and ignoring yourself;
Low self-esteem, fear of being ignored by others......
These are all manifestations of a people-pleasing personality.
If you're a people-pleaser, be sure to take this list of books to help you live your true self!
Author: Ichiro Kishimi Shiken Koga.
Douban score: 83
This book is a philosophical dialogue, focusing on the reflections and debates between a young man who is deeply mired in inferiority, incompetence and misfortune and a philosopher, and explains how to achieve self-liberation and true freedom and happiness through Adler's individual psychology.
A sentence in the book left a deep impression on me: "To be free is to have the courage to be hated by others." ”
This quote made me realize that we can't give up our thoughts and actions for fear of being hated by others, we need to have the courage to be ourselves and not live to please others.
I learned a lot from this book, and I think it's a book worth reading again and again.
Author: Alfred Adler.
Douban score: 79
This book is a classic work of individual psychology, the author Adler through an in-depth analysis of a series of inferiority complex in each person's life, providing an effective way to overcome inferiority complex, so as to turn inferiority into motivation, constantly surpass oneself, pursue superiority, and achieve the harmonious development of individuals and society.
Adler believes that inferiority complex is a normal psychological phenomenon of people, which can stimulate people's initiative and creativity, but if the inferiority complex is too strong, it will lead to people's withdrawal and avoidance, and even produce a false sense of superiority, thus destroying people's psychological balance and social adaptation.
Adler put forward an important concept, that is, "the courage to live", that is, to face difficulties and challenges, dare to take responsibility, dare to pursue one's own goals, dare to express one's feelings and accept one's imperfections.
This courage is the key to inferiority and transcendence, and it is also the nemesis of the people-pleasing personality.
This book made me understand the relationship between inferiority complex and transcendence, and also taught me how to cultivate the courage to live.
Author : Nedra. Glover. Tawab.
Douban score: 84
This book is a book about interpersonal relationships, and the author teaches how to establish healthy boundaries in interpersonal relationships, that is, how to clarify one's responsibilities and rights, how to protect one's freedom and dignity, how to refuse unreasonable demands from others, how to live in harmony with others, and so on.
The author argues that boundaries are the ability to help us distinguish between ourselves and others, between our own needs and the needs of others, between our own feelings and the feelings of others, between our own choices and the choices of others, between our own control and the control of others.
With boundaries, we can have our own space, time, thoughts, and so on.
With boundaries, we can be accountable to ourselves and to others.
With boundaries, we can get rid of the people-pleasing personality and become our true selves.
This book taught me the importance of boundaries and how to establish them.
Author : Susan. Foward Craig. Buck.
Douban score: 83
This book is a book about family psychology, and the author analyzes the impact of the family of origin on the psychological development of individuals from a psychodynamic perspective, and how to deal with the trauma and problems brought about by the family of origin.
The author believes that the original family refers to the family where they were born and grew up, it is an emotional system, and its atmosphere, traditions, Xi, roles, and interactions will have a profound impact on the psychological formation and personality shaping of children.
If the family of origin is a healthy family, then the children will be fully loved, cared for, supported, encouraged, respected, trusted, and secure, and they will form a sound self with good self-esteem, self-confidence, autonomy and freedom, and they will be in harmony with themselves and with others.
If the family of origin is an unhealthy family, then the children will suffer neglect, abuse, criticism, humiliation, rejection, control and repression, they will form a damaged self, with low self-esteem, low self-esteem, self-blame and self-denial, they will be at odds with themselves and with others.
The author puts forward an important concept, that is, "regeneration", that is, through psychological **, self-exploration, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, and self-growth, to get rid of the influence of the original family and achieve self-liberation and happiness.
This book made me realize the importance of the family of origin and also taught me how to regenerate.
Author: Christophe André François Lelore.
Douban score: 79
This book is a book about the psychology of self-esteem, the author introduces how to establish moderate self-esteem from the perspective of cognitive behavior**, that is, the correct evaluation of one's own abilities and values, neither too high nor too low, neither blind nor depressed.
The author argues that self-esteem is people's evaluation of their own worth and abilities, and it is one of the most fundamental dimensions of personality.
Self-esteem can affect people's mood, behavior, relationships, career development, and more.
Low self-esteem can lead to problems such as low self-esteem, negativity, withdrawal, self-blame, etc., and high self-esteem can lead to problems such as conceit, sensitivity, aggression, self-deception, etc.
The author puts forward an important concept, that is, "proper self-esteem", that is, not based on the evaluation of others, but on one's own intrinsic value, not on the basis of external achievements, but on the basis of internal efforts, not on the goal of absolute perfection, but on the goal of relative progress, not on the premise of unconditional self-acceptance, but on the premise of conditional self-improvement, not on the basis of unlimited self-demand, but on the basis of limited self-satisfaction.
This self-esteem is a balance, a just right amount of self-evaluation and self-esteem.
This book taught me what self-esteem means and how to develop proper self-esteem.
These are the five psychology books I recommend for you about self-esteem, low self-esteem, and self-growth, which can help you build a moderate amount of self-esteem to achieve self-identity and self-esteem while avoiding the psychological trap of low self-esteem or conceit.