1. I once farted during a Chinese class, and it goes without saying how smelly it is. It just so happened that the teacher walked everywhere and came to me, which made me even more embarrassed. I didn't dare to raise my head after that. After class, my buddy behind me said to me: "The Chinese teacher is really not a thing, he walked to me and farted, he was about to smoke Lao Tzu to death, and when he walked to the podium, he turned his head and smiled at me." ”
2 Today I found one on the side of the road with a few classmates, and it happened that my hair should be cut, so I walked in curiously. I didn't find any difference when I went in, I kept thinking about why it was called the five elements, and then I found out: isn't the scissors in the barber's hand gold, isn't the wooden comb wood, isn't washing hair just water, isn't the hot air of the hair dryer just fire, but I haven't been able to figure it out. It wasn't until after the barber that these classmates said to me: This hairstyle is so earthy!
3 An angry mother: "You dead girl, you are only 16 years old and you don't go home all day, and you don't even come to your mother's 32nd birthday!."”
4 girlfriend said she wanted to talk to me, girlfriend: We grew up together, from my broken arm in elementary school, a serious illness in middle school, failed the college entrance examination, and couldn't find a satisfactory job after graduating from college, along the way, you have never left and have always been by my side. Me: Don't say that, this is my willingness, and it is my greatest wish to protect you all my life!Girlfriend: I mean, if you weren't with me, I wouldn't be so unlucky!
5When I was in college, our dormitory was opposite to the girl's dormitory, and one night we peeked at the opposite sister paper with a telescope, and accidentally found it by a biao man's sister paper opposite, and the sister paper scolded us: "You still have no shame!."
It's amazing!Peek at the ghost!A few minutes later, one of the roommates said in a deep bass:
You're not peeking at you!“
6 Yesterday morning, I was looking at the scenery on the balcony and found a beautiful girl in the girls' dormitory opposite waving to me with a handkerchief, and I waved to herThen she ran to another window and waved to me again, and I waved to her againThen she left again, and it wasn't until the third window that I waved to me again, and it turned out that she was cleaning the window.
7 Son: Mom, give me ten dollars, I want to buy fireworks!
The mother gave her son ten dollars.
Dad saw that his son had ten yuan in his hand: Son, the money bought you fireworks, how about it?
The son happily gave the money to his father......
After a while, the son cried and found his mother: Mom, my father bought fireworks with the ten yuan you gave me.
Mom: Didn't you ask me for money to buy fireworks?Your dad bought you fireworks, why are you crying??
Son: He's the **!He bought my money for a box of cigarettes and spent it!
8My buddy fell in love with a girl from a sports school, and the girl said in advance, I am a barbaric person, you have to be mentally prepared. The buddy smiled and said that he likes savage girls, not pretentious or pretentious. As a result, my buddy went out on a date today and came back crying, I asked what's wrong, did your girlfriend beat you?The buddy said no, the two of them played guessing boxing, and when they lost, their brains collapsed, and she played him and cried ......Haha!
9. The leader said: "You have to treat the unit as your own home. ”
So, I strictly followed the teachings of the leader, took off my shoes shirtless, sat on the sofa and played games, and called my wife to come over to eat hot pot at noon.
In the afternoon, the leader came back and pointed his nose and scolded me: "You have taken the unit as your own home!."”
What a capricious person!
10 A certain research institute dismantled a machine, and all the engineers were dumbfounded.
There are nearly 100 pipes inside, which are intertwined, and it is difficult to distinguish between the exit and the entrance.
At this time, an old man who was a janitor took a pipe in one hand and a piece of chalk in the other, found a random pipe and spit it out the cigarette, and then marked it, and so on, and quickly sorted out the correspondence.
In the complicated work, the janitor relied on experience to sort out the clues.
11 "My dear, I fell in love with a necklace, it was beautiful, but it was a bit expensive, and I was reluctant to buy it. ”
How much is it!If you like it, buy it. ”
39.9 too!”
If you want to buy it, you can buy it, don't scare Lao Tzu for a day. ”
12 wife accompanied *** to go on a blind date and failed, when I asked my wife the reason, I found out that the other party disliked *** was too beautiful, too good, too good, afraid that I couldn't keep it. Alas, this is also the reason ......My wife sighed and said: Cabbage for more than 20 years, did you smash it in your hand?I smiled and said: Now pigs are so picky eaters, don't be bad, don't be good, or let me ......Fortunately, I ran fast, or I would have been beaten by my wife!