Working with people you don't like is inevitable for each of us, because maybe that cooperation is essential for you. But how to cooperate with each other requires some wisdom. This article proposes 6 useful strategies that I believe will help you.
A few months ago, a former client, Kathy Ta**, approached me for advice. I've been supporting her since she joined a prestigious global financial services firm a few months ago. Considering how careful and thoughtful she was in the process, I thought our conversation would be about her initial victory. Casey confessed that she had a simple but serious problem: she didn't get along well with executives at her level — let's call her Marta. The two hated each other from the beginning, and things didn't get better over time. Kathy told me that it was clear that she would not be able to get along with Marta, which would hinder her success and could affect her career in the company. When Kathy and I were ** about this question, she told me that Marta was a talented, accomplished, and well-liked manager — and she wasn't bad or difficult to work with. But Kathy admits that she doesn't like Marta. Their styles are different, and the way Marta gets along with her is not to her liking. Through a series of conversations, Casey and I overcame the situation. She revisited the stake map she had created in her first few weeks in office, and it was clear that Marta's collaboration and partnerships were critical to Chiesi's performance. Upon a more candid assessment of the relationship, Casey realizes that she has not been courting Marta. Instead of making her new colleagues feel that her opinions and perspectives are valuable, she refuses to communicate with her colleagues and more or less tries to avoid them. In order to better work with Marta, Casey has developed some useful strategies. When people have to work with someone they don't like, they can use those ideas or insights, even if it's not particularly easy or comfortable.
Reflect on the reasons for the tension in the relationship
and how you cope
The first step is acceptance and reflection. Remind yourself:You can't get along with everyone, but every interaction with others has potential value. You can and should learn from almost everyone you meet, and even if the relationship isn't easy, you have a responsibility to learn. Take an honest look at what causes tension in the relationship and what role you play in creating it. Maybe your reaction to the situation is at the heart of the matter (you can't control anything else but your reaction). Casey had to admit that Marta's "unlikable" might actually be Casey's own preconceptions.
Work harder to understand other people's perspectives
Few people wake up in the morning with the intention of making your life miserable. Take the time to carefully consider the other person's point of view, especially if the other person is critical to your success. Ask yourself:Why would this person do this?What made them do it?What do they think of me?What do they want from me?Kathy's perception of Marta begins to change as she begins to realize that her colleagues have their own goals and motivations just like her, and that their goals themselves do not conflict.
Become a problem solver
And not a critic or a competitor
In order to work better together, it is important to move from a competitive stance to a cooperative one. One strategy is to "hand" the problem to another person. Instead of trying to work through or around others, communicate directly with them. Casey invited Marta out for lunch and said openly to her, "I don't think we're working together efficiently enough." What do you think?Do you have any thoughts on how we can work better together?"If you ask people to show you their hole cards and show their weaknesses in the process, they'll usually reveal some of their own weaknesses.
Ask questions
In stressful situations, many people try to resolve by expressing themselves. We can become egotistical, and this often makes the situation worse. On the contrary,Try to ask questions – it's best to create a conversation with open-ended questions. Put your own schedule aside, ask some good questions, and be patient to really listen to the answers.
Improve awareness of your own interpersonal style
It's easy to blame contradictions on a lack of "chemistry" with othersBut everyone has a different style, and it usually helps to be aware of these differences. Over lunch, Marta and Casey shared their profiles with each other after discovering that they had both completed the Miles Briggs personality test early in their careers. Kathy is a very introverted and sensitive type: she likes to spend time alone and quietly solve problems and draw conclusions from large amounts of data. Whereas, Marta is outgoing, intuitive, responsive, focused on the big picture, and likes to solve problems by communicating with others. Because of these different styles and preferences, Cassie and Marta will definitely find it uncomfortable to interact with each other. However, once they discover their differences, they realize that their styles can be complementary if they adjust and adapt to their respective approaches.
Ask for help
Asking for help can restart a difficult relationship, as it shows that you value the other person's wisdom and experience. Over lunch, Casey plucked up her confidence and said to Marta, "You've been working here longer than I have. I think I'm starting to figure it out, but I still hope you can help me. Then she asked questions like, "What should I do more?"What to do less?Am I missing something?Or haven't I connected with the people I'm really supposed to be connecting with?When you first started working here, what did you want people to tell you?"Casey and Marta's relationship has improved dramatically. On my last time with Kaycetong**, she told me that she and Marta often communicate face-to-face, via text and Slack, and regularly attend each other's team meetings. Each quarter, they bring the entire team together to assess progress and look for opportunities to learn and improve processes. Although Marta and Kathy weren't necessarily friends and didn't spend much time together outside of the office, they became better co-workers, and they liked each other more than they initially thought. Part of the reason why Casey was able to turn around his relationship with Marta was that Casey started to act when he was "in the middle of the boat". Her negative attitude towards Marta has not yet been strengthened, so Casey is able to increase her self-awareness, adjust her style, and take the initiative to show her favor. It's possible to work effectively with people you don't like, but you have to be proactive. Keywords:WorkplaceMark Nevins |Wen.
Mark Nevans is the President of Nevins Consulting, where he advises and advises senior executives and their teams on leadership, change and organizational effectiveness.
Jane Jane |Translated by Zhou Qiang |Redacted
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