Putting it bluntly, I would like to hear your views on the issue of long-distance marriage.
Among the people around me, there were some older and some younger, and I asked them about it.
First of all, I would like to share my mother's point of view. As an only daughter, there is a view circulating on the Internet that if an only daughter does not marry far away, it is the greatest filial piety to her parents. Because as an only child, you are considered to have to take on the responsibility of providing for your parents in their old age. Once you marry far away, if something happens to your parents in your hometown, you may be helpless.
But my mother's views were relatively open-minded. She doesn't care about me marrying **, but more about the character of my future partner, family background, whether my in-laws are reasonable, and whether his ability is enough to support a family. She believes that what matters is whether the person is good to me or not, not where he is.
On the question of whether to choose to marry far away, my mother's opinion is that no matter what I'm at**, they can go over at any time. For example, now they rent a house in my city, which is only 20 minutes away from my house.
She emphasized that when my husband and I don't want to cook, when my children miss their grandparents, or when we have free time on weekends, we can easily go to them. They don't bother us often and give my husband and me plenty of family time. They are always willing to help whenever needed. It is worth mentioning that when we were arguing as a couple, they blamed me more and less of my husband, so my husband always had respect for my parents.
However, unlike my mother's opinion, my aunt was strongly opposed to her cousin's distant marriage. Her concern is not about her own pension, but about her cousin's difficulty in living well in an unfamiliar environment. The aunt worries that if her husband's husband changes his mind and no longer protects her, the cousin may be left alone. The aunt believes that if the cousin is bullied in a different place, they may not be able to arrive in time to offer support.
Don't tell me that men will always protect you, this promise I can't believe. Human nature is not to be tested, he may protect you when he loves you, but will he still when he doesn't love you?How can you be sure that He will protect you for the rest of your life?”
As for the opinions of young people, they also differ among themselves. Some people believe that due to the improvement of modern transportation levels, geographical distance is no longer an issue, as long as they love each other, they can choose to spend their lives anywhere, and parents can also consider living together.
However, there are also some people who believe that marriage is not as simple as those girls who are still in the love stage think. Once married, life becomes trivial and busy, with trivial chores, work, and taking care of children, and there is not so much time to go back to their hometown to visit their parents.
In fact, marriage and love are different, marriage is about life, and there are many factors that need to be considered for the sake of love, such as whether you can integrate into the other party's family, adapt to a new living environment, and whether the other party will always support you, which are a series of unknowns. It is true that the stability of human nature does not stand the test of time.
Three years ago, when Ding Xia decided to marry far away, her parents expressed strong opposition to this.
You are married, what should we do with the old couple?We have a daughter like you, and we still expect you to support our old age. In case something happens to us, you are not around, and you come back all the way, is it too late?”
You are sure that there is such a big cultural difference between the north and the south, the food Xi, the living environment, and the weather conditions are all different. You have been pampered since you were a child, can you adapt?”
Can he really protect you for the rest of your life?Went to a strange place, no friends, no relatives, and parents were not around, and you only had him. What would you do if he changed his mind and treated you badly?”
The parents tried their best to persuade Ding Xia, they were not only worried about their old age, but also worried that their daughter might encounter difficulties if she was not by her side after marrying far away, and they could not help in time. At the same time, they are also worried that their daughter may face bullying from her in-laws after marrying far away, and they are helpless.
However, as the "Romeo and Juliet effect" in psychology says, parental opposition tends to bring lovers closer together.
Despite the strong opposition of her parents, Ding Xia still insisted on marrying her boyfriend. She believes that now that the transportation is developed, there are high-speed trains and airplanes, and she can return to her hometown in one day at most, so she does not have to worry too much about the distance. At the same time, she believes that her boyfriend will keep her lifelong commitment and has confidence in her judgment.
Ding Xia insisted on this, and the much-loved parents finally agreed to this family affair and gave their daughter a dowry of 100,000 yuan.
However, after getting married, Ding Xia gradually understood the reason for her parents' opposition. As they say, many times men's promises cannot be fully trusted, otherwise it is often themselves who end up hurting.
In the past, when I was watching TV, **or brushing short**, I could always see the contradictory stories of my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I was very worried and asked my boyfriend, and he swore that he would never be the kind of person who only helps his relatives and does not help him. He promised that as long as I took care of it, he would definitely stand by my side and try to reconcile the relationship between my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. However, he ended up breaking his promise. ”
Although Ding Xia and her mother-in-law do not live under the same roof, they live in the same community. The mother-in-law would come to her son's house every day and care about their living situation. When she saw that the clothes were not washed, the floor was not mopped, the table was not tidied up, or Ding Xia chose takeout and did not want to cook, her mother-in-law always nagged, only blaming Ding Xia and never mentioning her son.
As an only daughter, Ding Xia is the favored son of her parents. She was never wronged when she was growing up, so when she felt wronged, she couldn't tolerate it and would argue directly with her mother-in-law and seek justice from her husband. However, the husband either chose to ignore or favor his mother-in-law, completely forgetting his promise to Ding Xia before marriage.
In this strange place, Ding Xia did not receive support. Mother-in-law's relatives listened to her mother-in-law's words and thought that Ding Xia was not a good daughter-in-law and often bullied her mother-in-law, so they often blamed her, making Ding Xia feel isolated and helpless.
I used to feel aggrieved when I had a fight with my parents, and I had friends around and I could go to their house for the night. My friend's parents would call my parents and tell them where I was, and they would think I was safe and would not force me to go back. But in this strange place, I have nowhere else to go except staying in a hotel. ”
Last week, Ding Xia had another argument with her mother-in-law over the matter of taking the child. When the husband came home, the mother-in-law preemptively complained to her husband and reversed black and white there. Ding Xia was even more angry when she heard this, and yelled at her mother-in-law, asking her to get out.
This is my home, and you dare to let my mom get out!Get out!The farther you roll, the better!”
Without hesitation, the husband slapped Ding Xia and knocked Ding Xia to the ground. He also pointed to the gate and ordered Ding Xia to get out. Ding Xia rushed out of the door with her mobile phone, but she didn't bring anything, including her ID card. In this city, which was still unfamiliar after three years, Ding Xia completely collapsed. She called her parents, cried about what happened to her, and cried for a whole hour.
When Ding Xia's mood calmed down a little, her father gave her daughter an idea to let her go home first. No matter what the son-in-law says, don't talk back, send them the location of the house, and they will immediately come and pick her up.
After Ding Xia returned home, no matter how her mother-in-law and husband insulted and ridiculed, she chose to remain silent and no longer paid attention to anyone.
In the time my parents drove over, I had figured it out. Three years ago, I chose to marry far away because I was too willful, and I have paid the price for it. Now that I have realized my mistakes, I can't make mistakes again and again, and I have to take responsibility for my own life. Fortunately, I only have one daughter with him, and it seems that there may be a patriarchal mentality, and my mother-in-law, who has been urging me to have a second child, does not seem to want a granddaughter. Is it easy for me to take my child away?”
Ding Xia's parents drove 28 hours to their son-in-law's house. Seeing her parents, Ding Xia threw herself into her mother's arms and cried. The father-in-law and mother-in-law also came, Ding Xia's husband panicked and tried to explain to his father-in-law, but Ding Xia's father didn't say much, and slapped him directly, followed by two more slaps, and yelled at Ding Xia.
Don't cry, what's the use of crying?Hurry up, go and get my granddaughter out and into the car. You, set a time with my daughter, when will you go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to withdraw the divorce certificate. I raised my granddaughter. ”
Now, he has been sending me messages, apologizing to me, saying that he shouldn't have done this to me, and hoping that I will give him another chance for his daughter's sake. ”
Fortunately, Ding Xia did not make a mistake to the end and did not live up to her parents' hard work. She replied unequivocally to her husband that it was no longer possible for the two to get a clear answer within a week and agree to the divorce. Otherwise, she will sue and make things bigger.
In fact, for women, it is not the most important thing to marry far away, but the more important thing is to remain rational when choosing a mate and avoid falling into blind love.
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