Elma, an American biologist, has done a very famous "emotional experiment".
He collects the breath that comes out when people are angry, complaining, and sad and pours it into the water.
It was then injected into an experimental mouse, and it quickly lost its breath.
Negative emotions are contagious like a "virus", which not only affects the state of the person, but also changes the mood of the people around him.
Think about it, do you often do this:
When a friend complains to you, you are more upset than him after listening to itIt's easy to have trouble sleeping when there is friction between colleaguesWhen you meet an unreasonable rotten person, you can't swallow the fire in your heart.
Just like the psychological counselor Cong Feicong said:
There is always such a kind of person who wants to save other people's sadness and eliminate other people's anger, and these people who can't think about it will make themselves very tired.Caring too much about other people's emotions is a kind of social internal friction.
Instead of suffering from gains and losses in other people's emotions, it is better to focus on your own days.
Darius Foroux, a well-known entrepreneurial mentor, told a story.
He has a friend who is an executive of a company, and under his leadership, the company has led the way in terms of performance, and has achieved excellent growth for five consecutive years.
However, by the sixth year, sales had suddenly taken a sharp turn for the worse.
And this huge change has nothing to do with the market, it is all because of a new person recruited by the company.
This newcomer has a bright resume and good work ability, but he is not good at all - he likes to complain and complain, and it can be said that the negative energy is bursting.
He looked down on the current work system, complained about the unclear division of labor among the leaders, and complained that there were too many customer problems......Over time, it also affected other people.
The once enthusiastic sales team has gradually become depressed and decadent.
Foroux's friends decided to fire him, but the team struggled to live up to the energy they once had.
Benjamin Franklin once said"One rotten apple is enough to break a basket of apples. ”
It is a pity that in life, there are not a few such "rotten apples" :
You wanted to work hard to get into graduate school, but your roommate said that the class had solidified early, and it would be your turn to work well, so you put down your books and started playing games together in a team;
You wanted to work hard, but your predecessors said that all the good positions were left to the related households, so you began to mess around like him, wasting time in vain;
You were full of hope for marriage, but as a result, some people who came to you cried and complained, so you began to hesitate and missed the opportunity to ......
Did you find it?These people who like to complain and are full of anger will never tell you that life is good, but will only pull you into the same quagmire as them.
The concept of a "black hole man" is mentioned in "Circle Breakout".
It means that there is a type of person in life, like a black hole, who can use negative energy to absorb the people around him.
Once we get too close, we unconsciously fall into decadence.
On the contrary, there is another type of person in life, who has a luminous physique, full of positive energy, and is always as enthusiastic as a little sun.
Whether you want to live a smoky life or a birdsong and a fragrance of flowers is all up to you.
Deep friendship with people full of negative energy is tantamount to chronic poisoning;Getting along with optimistic and happy people is the nourishment of body and mind.
On Weibo, some netizens once talked about a sad thing.
He said that his father was very enthusiastic and loved to fight and fight.
One day, the old man saw a young man parking his car on a fire escape, so he stepped forward to theorize.
Unexpectedly, without saying a few words, the young man scolded, and the old man was not to be outdone, and pulled the young man to let everyone comment.
As a result, the guy broke free and yelled: "No matter how verbose it is, Lao Tzu will beat you all over the ground looking for teeth!."”
In the end, although my father returned home under the persuasion of everyone, he couldn't let go of it in his heart, and he suffered a stroke two days later.
Writer Zhang Shuxi has a saying that makes a lot of sense:
What we should learn is not only to stay away from garbage people, but to learn how to avoid forcing the other party to become a garbage man and strangling conflicts and contradictions in the cradle, which is a science.In life, there are many disputes that could have been avoided, but when we encounter bad people, we can't help but theorize.
As a result, I didn't change others, and I put myself in it:
When I meet an unreasonable person, I can't help but argue with him in public, delay things, and lose dignity;
For a little different opinion, fighting with colleagues is red-faced, no matter who is right and who is wrong, it disappoints the leader to the extreme.
Rotten people and bad things are like a mud pit, and the deeper you step into it, the deeper you sink.
I saw such a fable and was very inspired.
On a single-plank bridge, a red sheep and a black sheep meet, and if they collide hard, they are likely to fall off the cliff at the same time.
So who makes it?
If the situation of two sheep is the same, it is difficult for anyone to make a choice.
But change the information of these two sheep a little, and the answer is obvious.
Suppose the black sheep has a terminal illness and will not live for a week, and the red sheep wins the jackpot and the good days are yet to come, then it must be the red sheep to give way, because it is happier.
That is, if they fall into the abyss at the same time, Red Sheep "loses more" and loses more.
Thus, a very interesting theory was bornHappiness lets, whoever is happy gives way.
Like Lincoln said:
Instead of fighting with a dog, let it go first. Because it's not honorable to beat a dog, but it's unlucky to be bitten by a dog.Don't get entangled in things, don't get entangled in people, it's self-protection, it's also self-fulfillment.
Not confronting angry people shows not timidity, but a person's determination not to be coerced by emotions.
Sartre, a philosopher, wrote a play called "Confinement".
It is said that there are three people who have been imprisoned, waiting to go to hell. While waiting, they began to evaluate each other, accusing and slandering.
Gradually, all three of them developed self-doubt and pain due to the evaluation of others.
After suffering mentally, they suddenly realized:You don't have to go to hell, you're already in hell.
This is Sartre's famous theory that "the other is hell".
In this world, it is not others who really break us, but ourselves who are too sensitive.
For the sake of others' praise and compromise, afraid that others will be angry and willing to suffer;
Seeing your colleague smiling, you are relieved;Seeing that his family frowned, he examined himself;
I live a nervous life, for fear that others will say that I am not good at all.
Over time, the mental weight is like the stone of Sisyphus, which can always make us lose all our efforts in an instant.
When my friend first entered the workplace, his parents repeatedly told him to do a good job with colleagues and not to make the leader unhappy.
He kept it in mind, accompanied him everywhere during his Xi, took a courier for the leader, helped Sister Zhang make a report, and took the initiative to stay and work overtime.
When he goes to work, he is nervous as soon as others speak, and after work, he is most afraid of missing the unit**.
But as a result, the chores are more and more done, and the work is not bright.
The leader doesn't want to see him, his colleagues don't cherish it, and in the end, even he looks down on himself.
Half a year later, he understood:It is impossible for one person to please everyone.
Friends began to change, no longer messing around with people, but cultivating themselves and doing their jobs well.
At first, he did offend a lot of people, but when everyone saw his resolute attitude, they were a lot more polite.
I agree with a sentence from "The Courage to Be Hated":
Living in fear of relationship breakdown is an unfree way of life for others. Every time you please is killing yourself.Laborious relationships don't last;Carefully maintain the relationship, and it will be broken at the slightest touch.
It's hard to reconcile the mouths, it's better not to reconcile, life is not easy, so why bother looking at other people's faces.
It is far better to walk on the path of your own heart than to live in the eyes of others.
Facebook has consistently pushed positive and frustrating content to 690,000 users.
Subsequently, they tracked the user's feedback and found that most of the subjects were "emotionally contagious".
Users who have been pushed happy content also post ** with positive emotions;Users who receive frustrated content show obvious negative pessimism.
Truly mature people know how to shield the emotions of the outside world and focus on walking their own path.
Writer Li Shanglong shared an experience in the book.
When he came to Beijing to work hard, he was as confused and helpless as many Beipiao.
There has been no breakthrough in his career for several years, and he is surrounded by down-and-out "frustrated people", and the depression is raging like a flu.
But there is one person among my friends who is different, he is from the countryside, he has a lower starting point than everyone else, but he is happy every day.
This friend never sighed, he saved up money to buy himself a camera, and walked the streets and alleys to take pictures of street scenes when he had nothing to do.
A few years later, some people gave up and drifted back to their hometowns, and some people are still complaining.
However, this friend won a bonus of 300,000 yuan for a photographic work, and then started a business.
At first, Li Shanglong thought it was his luck, but then he figured it out:
It was this friend's optimism, transparency and sobriety that helped him achieve a counterattack.
I like Feng Lun's sentence very much:
Positive people are like the sun, shining until *** bright, and negative people are like the moon, the first ten days of the new year.People live for a lifetime, each has its own fate, joys and sorrows are not connected, and joys and sorrows are not combined.We should be like sunflowers, following the sun, bathing in the sun and blooming the stamens, instead of sad spring and autumn in the face of the uncertain moon.
The days are your own, not the others.
The meaning of life is not to find an outlet for other people's emotions, but to find a way for your own life.
At the end of the day, we live for ourselves and are responsible for ourselves.