It is often said that character determines destiny. What kind of character will make what kind of choice, and what kind of choice will determine everyone's destiny and course is very different. Scientists abroad once did an experiment-Experiments with strange situationsThis experiment later became the most widely used assessment method in developmental psychology. Scientists put babies around 1 year old in an unfamiliar environment, observed their attitudes towards "separation from their mothers", and then categorized them into three types:Secure attachment, ambivalent attachment, anxious attachment,Through more than 20 years of follow-up of the children, looking at the children from infancy to adulthood, and a large number of subsequent experiments, psychologists found that most of the children's attachment styles were consistent with infancy, except for a few who experienced major changes. Later, scientists have done similar experiments on thousands of children, and the results have been fulfilled in countless children, and scientists have to sigh: a person's childhood and relationship with parents are almost destined for a lifetime. 01 Secure attachmentIn the strange scenario experiment, some children will cry loudly after their mothers leave, eagerly looking for their mothers everywhere, and when they return to their mother's arms, they will seem particularly aggrieved and happy, and their emotions can be calmed down quickly under the comfort of their mothers. When the mother leaves again, because of the experience just now, the child will seem to be more eager to be close to the mother, and even if he can't see the mother for a while, he will be more patient.
Such children often have a good relationship with their mothers, and while they enjoy maternal love, they can also actively expand their abilities, and when playing with other children, they can also take the initiative to communicate with others, and dare to express their feelings, instead of blindly crying and fearing.
The ability to adapt to the new environment makes it easier for them to make new friends, show emotional stability, self-confidence and independence, and have outstanding learning ability and work ability after entering the study and work position.
The formation of secure attachment is mainly directly related to the mother.
Mothers who are securely attached to their children are more gentle, caring, patient, and can respond positively to their children's signals. In the face of parent-child conflicts, they will also use skills to resolve them, and rarely cause unpleasant parent-child experiences for children. When children have tantrums, they can also accept and relieve them in time. Because negative emotions can be channeled and positive emotions can be responded to positively, the child's growth environment is always stable and warm. When they grow up, they often raise safe children who are emotionally stable, resilient and independent, forming a positive transmission. In short, children with secure attachment generally have a higher happiness index when they grow up, whether it is work, marriage, mental health, or social interaction. 
02 Adoldent attachmentIn the strange scenario experiment, some children will appear very sad after their mothers leave, and when they return to their mothers' arms, they will still look very angry, they cry and make trouble, and push their mothers away, but when their mothers ignore them, they cry again heartbreakingly. This kind of ambivalence of having poor security, wanting a mother and rejecting a mother, is ambivalent attachment. The reason why children are insecure, particularly clingy, and want to stay by their mother's side all the time is largely because the mother usually ignores the child's feelings, and seems perfunctory or casual about the child's expression and intimacy, resulting in a sense of lack of attention. For example, although the mother is by the child's side, when the child happily shows his handicraft or painting to the mother, the mother often does not raise her head and perfunctory: "Okay, okay, I see it".
When the child is accidentally injured, the mother will also treat the wound while nagging and complaining: "Why are you so careless, telling you not to touch that thing, see if you have to try, see if it hurts, right?".”
When the child wants to play with his mother, he always yells impatiently: "Don't you see that your mother is busy?".Go play by yourself and don't make a fuss!”
This kind of companionship, which is better than nothing although people are around, will make children wander between loneliness and companionship, joy and loss, love and anger, thus forming a contradictory character of longing and resistance. When these children grow up, they will appear helpless. In an intimate relationship, they can be clingy, but distrustful, often fearing that the other person will leave them. They don't reveal their true thoughts, they are obviously very concerned in their hearts, but they say hurtful things on their lips. But when the other party leaves, they find ways to entangle or act impulsively. They often show the characteristics of being vexatious and emotional, they crave intimacy, but often push close people further and further away because of their contradictory personalities. 
03 Avoidant attachmentIn the strange scenario experiment, there is another type of child who behaves very independently, sensibly and calmly. In the face of their mother's departure, they are also sad and crying, but they will not take the initiative to seek comfort. When Mom comes back, they don't get tired of being in her arms, and they don't even care so much about "Mom coming back and leaving". If a stranger joins, they quickly adapt and get along well. Scientists refer to this condition as avoidant attachment. Children with avoidant attachment seem to be very easy and independent, they do not demand much from their mothers, they like to play alone, they appear calm and independent, and they have maturity and calmness beyond their own age. However, scientists have found that children with avoidant attachment often have an avoidant mother. When they are raising children, the most they do is say no. Refuse to hug the child, refuse to be intimate with the child, and reject the child's emotion. They want their children to be obedient and obedient, and they want them to be able to play independently and not cause trouble. When the child makes a mistake, the avoidant mother will also blame the child and even throw a tantrum. The child with avoidant attachment is not without emotion, but does not dare to get angry at all, because once he shows something that dissatisfies his mother, he will face criticism and responsibility, and he is afraid of pain or disappointment, so he has to suppress his inner attachment emotions and show "I am fine, I can, I don't need care and attention". But when they grow up, they instinctively refuse, refuse to reveal their hearts, refuse to be seen by others, and refuse to empathize with other people's emotions. 
Change yourself,Changing intergenerational transmission
We learn about various attachment relationships, not to blame parents for doing things badly. They may also have been neglected by their parents when they were depressed and rejected when they were fearful, so they didn't know how to comfort their children, leading to such an attachment model passed from generation to generation. When we become parents, it is the best time to break the intergenerational transmission and change our destiny. Pay attention to the psychological needs of children, master the necessary psychological knowledge, accept the imperfections of yourself and your children, and actively make changes, establish a stable and warm attachment relationship with your children with love and companionship, so that children have a safe and stable mood. Express the love in your heart, let the love in your heart flow, let your eyes soften and warm, and break the intergenerational cycle, maybe just between the bits and pieces of life. Copyright Notice: Part of the content, **article** on the Internet, the copyright belongs to the original author, only for sharing, if the shared content infringes your copyright or the mark** is not the first original, please send a private message, we will review and delete it in time