Recently, at a gathering of friends, I found that Xiaolin's state was much better than before, and it was no longer the last time we met, and I was tired with a smile on my face.
Kobayashi said: In the past, in order to get the approval of the leader, I worked overtime desperately, highly obeyed the leader's arrangement, and did not dare to refuse even if I received a difficult task, but stayed up late and worked overtime to deliver the task before the dead line.
After a while, she couldn't hold it anymore and was woken up by a friend, saying that she was too eager to be recognized by others and cared about the evaluation of others. A word poked the person in the dream, and after Xiaolin changed his mentality, his work became a lot easier.
There is such a sentence in "The Courage to Be Hated": "Freedom is no longer seeking recognition", in the workplace, blindly pursuing the recognition of others, expecting to prove yourself through work, may not get growth but frustration.
1. Desperately seeking recognition is excessive self-attention.
Generally speaking, we think that we care about other people's evaluations and opinions because we value other people's feelings and worry that what we do will make others feel uncomfortable.
However, being overly concerned about what others say is actually excessive self-concern, and the problem is not how others perceive us at all, but rather that we think too seriously about the consequences of others' opinions.
In fact, the opinions of others do not have a real impact on us, and people pay more attention to themselves in life.
Yang Tianzhen once said: "There are no advantages or disadvantages in the workplace, there are only characteristics", many times the reason why you are liked may be the same as the reason for being hated.
In the workplace, if you want to build a pleasant relationship, you need to recognize that others don't give you the feedback you expect for what you do.
2. Paying too much attention to other people's evaluations will lead to the loss of self-identity.
In the workplace, it is normal to care about the opinions of others, but if you care too much about the comments of others, your mind will be constrained by the comments of the outside world and you will not be able to make correct judgments.
The leader of Xiao Xin's first job was very strict, and when Xiao Xin refused some difficult tasks, her leader would tease Xiao Xin with "It's all the same salary, what others can do, why can't you".
In order to prove her ability, Xiao Xin could only bite the bullet to complete the work task, but the leaders were not satisfied. In the long run, Xiao Xin was afraid that the leader would keep denying herself, and fell into doubts about her own ability.
Everyone's personal ability is limited, when you encounter a more challenging job, you can try to accept it, and communicate with the leader to seek support and help.
At the same time, establish self-evaluation standards, don't suffer from gains and losses because of others' negation, and don't fall into self-doubt because of others' criticism and accusations, and become a victim of PUA in the workplace.
3. How to get rid of interpersonal anxiety in the workplace?
Establish criteria for self-evaluation
Everyone's talents, starting line, education level, and abilities are different, so on the basis of understanding yourself, you should set reasonable goals and regain information.
When setting goals, you can set three goals for one thing, give 100 points for exceeding expectations, 80 points for winning steadily, and 60 points for the minimum passing line.
Accept your imperfect self
No one is perfect", moderate perfectionism can promote our progress;However, excessive perfectionism will only lead us into anxiety and internal friction.
I have heard the saying "the world is a huge grass platform", others may not be as good as we imagined, but we may not be as bad as we imagined.
Accept your imperfections calmly, learn to face up to the relationship between leaders and colleagues, you can constantly improve yourself and pursue perfection, but you can't be kidnapped by perfectionism!
Draw the line between things and things
Most of the troubles in relationships are due to wanting to intervene in other people's affairs, or being interfered in by others in their own affairs.
Focus on the work itself and distinguish between your own affairs and other people's affairs, so as to better ensure that your emotions are not disturbed by others.
For example, it is my own business to do my job well, and it is the leader's business to deny mePromotions and salary increases are my own business, and it is someone else's business to be envied or ridiculed by others. I have seen such a point of view: in the face of work, you need to have a "scumbag mentality", not too concerned about the thoughts of leaders and colleagues, and have this mentality in order to lift the weight in the work.
The workplace is like a play, it all depends on acting", the role we play in the workplace is to take money to do things "tool people", and the interaction outside of work can follow your own heart.
Finally, I hope that everyone can not be bothered by the opinions and evaluations of others, work happily, and be brave in the workplace.