I once saw such a question:
Why is the gap between people getting bigger and bigger?
One of the highly praised replies was——
The weak complain, the strong change, so the weak get weaker and the strong get stronger.
In life, there will always be big and small problems, work is not going well, life is unsatisfactory, marriage is unhappy, children are disobedient, when faced with these situations, we will inevitably have the idea of complaining:
Why am I always so unlucky?”
How could he do this to me!”
But as everyone knows, when you are Xi blaming others or the external environment for the problem, and always think that you are pitiful, you are falling into the trap of "victim mentality" step by step.
Netizens shared a story that he had just joined a new company and met the company's annual commendation meeting, and his colleague Xiao Li was praised.
After more than a week of contact, he found that Xiao Li is indeed very good at dealing with people, and as long as Xiao Li is there, the atmosphere is always very harmonious.
But once, when he had lunch with another colleague, Da Liu, he found that Da Liu was very scornful of Xiao Li.
Isn't it just being able to speak well?If I hadn't written the plan, would he have been able to win the client?”
It turned out that Da Liu's ability to do planning was good, but his eloquence was not very good, so every time he proposed to a customer, the company would send Xiao Li, so that most of the customers only remembered Xiao Li's name.
Later, when Da Liu complained about Xiao Li again, netizens couldn't help but give advice: "Since you are so uncomfortable, can you try to give advice to the company, or practice Xi communication skills?"”
Unexpectedly, Da Liu said with an angry face: "Can the company not know about this situation?"It's clear that it's bullying us honest people!”
Netizens were kind, but they were dumbfounded.
In reality, there are not a few people like Da Liu, who don't do anything really meaningful, but they are loyal and constantly complaining and venting.
Likes to express emotions instead of solving problems.
This is typical of the "victim mentality".
If you look closely, you will find that most of the people who fall into the "victim mentality" are still "attribution masters", who are the best at finding the cause from others and not mentioning their own flaws.
In short, if there is a problem, it is someone else's pot, and I am innocent.
In the end, I deceived myself and annoyed others.
As for the practical dilemma, nothing has been solved.
In the marriage documentary variety show "Goodbye Lover 3", model Wang Shiqing has made many viewers sympathetic.
She and Lao Ji are both husband and wife and business partners, the age difference between the two is ten years, and in this relationship, Lao Ji, who has rich experience, has a stronger voice in his hands.
Lao Ji thinks that Shiqing, as a model, is not very professional, and she has to ask her what she wears every day and the order of her moments.
This made Shiqing feel very depressed and painful, and she began to frequently tell her friends about Lao Ji's "control" over her, and everyone felt that Lao Ji's approach was really suffocating.
But what is confusing is that every time after a day of grievances and accusations, Wang Shiqing still firmly chooses "not to divorce".
Later, sharp-eyed viewers found out——
Wang Shiqing always likes to shift the topic to Lao Ji's harm to her when a group of people chat, and Xi inertia pulls everyone into her camp, and when everyone sympathizes with her and expresses recognition, she gets great satisfaction.
At this time, everyone realized that she was actually playing the role of a "victim", enjoying everyone's care and sympathy.
This kind of sympathy makes people feel that they are being noticed and loved, like a little princess, unconsciously, indulging in it.
And this kind of indulgence is very deadly.
It is like drinking water to quench thirst, and the final result is that the deeper and deeper it is, the more the person concerned looks at it, the more miserable he feels, and even forgets that he can actually get out of it.
I once read a story about a scholar who accidentally sprained his right leg, and he limped down the street.
Over time, the scholar began to enjoy this kind of attention, enjoying the warm and helpful people who greeted him, and every day he had to limp out into the streets to win sympathy.
After 30 years like this, until one day when he was chased and bitten by a wild dog and had to run away, he realized that his right leg had long been healed, and he had a healthy body, but he had been a beggar on the street for 30 years!
The victim mentality is like this, feeding on the sympathy of others, and eventually trapping a person completely in place and becoming a waste of firewood.
In fact, life as an adult is never easy.
All kinds of difficulties will always come one after another when we don't expect it, and it is indeed easier to blame others and seek care at such times.
But if you really want to solve problems and make a difference in your life, you can't do that.
Falling into the "victim mentality" will only slide into the abyss step by step.
Mr. Schaefer, the author of Puppy Money, wrote in his book that whoever wants to change your current life, the first thing to realize is that "you have to be responsible for yourself".
Never look for some useless excuses and justifications.
Quitting the "victim mentality" is a must for every adult, so what can we do about it?
Self-examination to recognize the problem
Saw a joke:
When a certain unit was paraded, a very stern commander went straight up to a soldier and ordered: "Button the jacket pocket!"”
The soldier nervously asked, "Is it now?"”
The chief said, "Yes." ”
So the soldier carefully buttoned the pocket of the chief's jacket.
It's funny, but it's also obvious.
Many times, it's easy to see someone else's problem, but it's hard to find out that you have the same problem.
We thought it was just a casual complaint, but it's easy to ignore it:Once you start lamenting, you can't stop.
Therefore, it is important to always be mindful of your thoughts, emotions and behaviors, especially when faced with difficulties and challenges.
Examine yourself to see if you have signs of a "victim mentality" and if you can easily blame others or circumstances for your problems.
As soon as you become aware of it, correct it immediately and without delay.
Don't let the "victim mentality" take root for a moment.
Stop self-pity and ask for the right help
A sociologist once shared one of his observations:
Humans love to give advice to others.
When you can't help but complain to others, they will always offer some advice from bystanders while giving them comfort.
But if you're immersed in self-pity, you'll only notice your own pain and ignore the actual solution to the problem.
What people fear most is to keep ruminating on painful experiences and making themselves more miserable.
When encountering a predicament, the most important thing to do is not to complain, but to seek a solution in earnest.
There is no point in complaining about how strong the enemy is, it is the truth to knock the enemy down.
Think positively and take control of your life
The Law of Attraction talks about the concept that what you think is the way you see the world.
So, the more you emphasize your misery, the more you emphasize what you're going through, the more "negative energy" you will attract.
Over time, a vicious circle continues.
On the contrary, when encountering difficulties, if you maintain a positive and optimistic attitude, you believe that everything will pass, and I believe that the rain will pass and the sky will be clear.
A good mindset helps you to be clear-headed and steady.
In the end, you will definitely be able to fight a long way in the thorn bushes.
Lin Haiyin wrote such a sentence in "Old Things in the South of the City":
Human beings always have the Xi of feeling sorry for themselves and resenting others without realizing it.When people are in the world, they are most afraid of inaction, and they always feel that the whole world is sorry for them.
The world likes the strong, and if you are content to be a victim, then the world will inflict suffering on you with impunity.
So, instead of being a "victim" waiting for others to sympathize, why not straighten your back, boldly move forward, and have a real battle against difficulties?
Friend, I hope you understand
The problem is an excuse for the weak to complain, but it is a training ground for the strong.
Encourage it.