Not long ago, a student complained to me about his relationship status, "When I was single, I was obviously quite free, but why did my love change and become careless?"”
Before falling in love, she was a confident and free girl, her circle of friends was full of herself, there were beautiful photos of going out to play, various food highlights, and work, in short, life was very colorful.
But since she fell in love, she is like a different person, revolving around her boyfriend all day long, getting by at work, not socializing in life, and caring about her boyfriend's opinion very much.
In this relationship, she is a proper low position. This kind of situation is not uncommon in relationships, many sisters who come to me have, obviously she herself is very good, but after falling in love, she is humbled to the dust.
So why is this happening?In fact, there are two main reasons:
The first point is that he is too obsessed with a person, does not keep his bottom line, and becomes a "licking dog".
This has to talk about the love brain, after falling in love with someone, desperately wanting to be with each other, it seems that there is only one thing left in life, and the others have become boring.
If you don't get what you want, then this matter will become an obsession, "I must be with him", and then in order to achieve this goal, regardless of their bottom line, some people may even choose to ignore the bottom line at the beginning.
For example, I have a friend who is a typical love brain. She is a very capable and independent girl, but after she likes someone, she completely changes into a person, and often suffers from gains and losses.
Usually I ask her out to go shopping or do something, and if nothing else, she will reply within half an hour. But since she fell in love, she always couldn't make an appointment, otherwise she would always release my pigeon.
It wasn't until after she broke up that we chatted, and she said that this relationship was really painful, and she paid a lot for each other, but the other party didn't buy it at all. Maybe staying by the other person's side at all costs sounds romantic, but it's actually terrifying, because in the end it just touches yourself.
The second point is that he did not control himself well and exposed his needs prematurely.
Affection is the process of mutual attraction. When entering a relationship, there should be a state of balance between the two, but many people change everywhere, constantly giving for each other, expecting the other party to give the same feedback, but the reality is completely different.
Some people do not hesitate to humbly please each other in order to be able to go further in the relationship, but this will only expose their sense of need and put themselves in a lower position in the relationship.
In the other person's opinion, because you have needs and desires, this is a point that can be exploited. If the other person is a person with bad intentions, the result may be that you become bad.
For example, some men will take advantage of your feelings for him, by suppressing and belittling you, making you constantly give in, compromise step by step, and lose the bottom line. Maybe on the surface, you got the relationship, but in fact you didn't get anything, and you fell into self-doubt.
So you must remember that in the relationship, don't expose your needs too early, otherwise you will not only not gain the feelings, but also may lose yourself and be controlled by the other party step by step.
What should I do if I am in a low emotional position?Next, I will teach you two tricks to turn the tide.
First of all, you must change your low-level thinking.
What is low-level thinking?In layman's terms, the other party is very important to you, you are afraid of losing him, and you are willing to give up everything for him. But to be honest, it's not that you love him more than he loves you, a big part of it may just be your low-level thinking. In fact, this has a lot to do with the attribution theory in psychology. People with low-level thinking always like to find reasons in themselves.
So if you want to turn the tide, the first thing you have to do is to change your low-level thinking and learn to attribute objectively.
For example, when you first fell in love, you had endless words every day, and you wanted to share everything with each other. Now that your relationship has stabilized and may not be chatting as much as often, what do you think at this time?
The low-minded sister would think, "I sent him a bunch of messages, and he would reply to me in a timely manner, but now he replied, 'This will be something, we'll talk about it later,' and there is no more." Is he making excuses?Don't you love me anymore?Have you lost interest in me?Feelings faded?Or do you have a new love?”
What would the sisters of objective attribution think?"He seems to be quite busy at work lately, I still don't bother him, I have a lot of things to do, do my own thing. ”
It's also important to learn to hide your sense of need and break the expectations of the other person.
You expose your sense of need, so the other party can easily pinch you, so if you want to change this situation, then you have to learn to hide your sense of need and break the other person's expectations.
In this way, the other party does not know what you will do next, and will naturally become curious about you, and then want to explore you, then your goal has been achieved.
For example, when you had an argument before, you always compromised and gave in. When the same situation happens again, you don't have to be the same as before, learn to talk about your thoughts, and don't always do what he thinks.
Of course, I'm not asking you to go against him in everything and create conflicts between you. Instead, I hope you have your own opinions and principles, and don't lose yourself for a relationship.
In fact, it is not difficult to successfully counterattack from a low emotional position, the key is to make changes in mentality.