Have you ever seen a child like this:
Do things very seriously, do not allow yourself to make mistakes, write and erase when writing homework, wipe and write, rub out a big hole in the homework book, and then tear it up and rewrite it;
It's a bit of a "tendon", and even if you do what you're doing in the middle of the night, you have to continue to do it, and you cry when something goes wrong;
It's a bit of an obsessive-compulsive disorder, and it takes a long time to get all the books neatly lined up and sharpen the pencils to the same length
Particularly cautious, he pays great attention to his grades and performance in school, and the more he is praised by the teacher, the more he is afraid of making mistakes, and he is very demanding of himself......
Take a seat and take a look, do your children also behave like this?
Buttons to remind parents: children with this kind of behavior are likely to be caused by inferiority complex"Perfectionist".
This state has a lot of negative effects on children's growth, and parents should pay enough attention to it.
Some parents may ask: Isn't it bad for children to pursue high standards?
It's good for a child to maintain a certain amount of self-expectation, but when that expectation evolves into an excessive pursuit of perfection, the child may fall into a predicament that cannot be met.
Eventually, you will feel disappointed in yourself, and it may even trigger various psychological problems.
In today's growth story, 13-year-old Ran Ran (pseudonym) is a particularly introverted child, she is extremely demanding of herself, and strives to do her best in whatever she does.
Ran Ran has been very good at learning since he was a child, and he never let his parents worry about it. After graduating from elementary school, it was not surprising that he was admitted to a key junior high school.
I thought that Ran Ran could go all the way to the green light and continue to sprint to key high schools, but I didn't expect that not long after I was promoted to the first year of junior high school, Ran Ran changed.
The learning attitude has become extremely unserious, and the small movements in class are constantly exchanged, and even affect other students to listen to the class.
Academic performance has dropped sharply, from the top of the original ranking to the bottom of the class.
The teacher did not write the class assignments assigned by him, and in the end he even refused to take any exams in the class.
When teachers and parents tried to communicate with Ran Ran, she was so resistant that she simply stopped going to school.
Her parents could only take a leave of absence for her to rest at home.
Ran Ran, who was at home on leave, locked himself in the house all day, only knowing how to play games and not studying.
The bed is full of snacks, and he only knows how to eat and drink every day, and often stays up until one or two o'clock in the morning.
Parents have communicated with Ran Ran many times, wanting Ran Ran to adjust her state and return to school, but Ran Ran ignored her parents' words and still went her own way.
Ran Ran's state made the parents at a loss, not knowing what to do, and not understanding why the excellent daughter before suddenly became so rebellious.
one
The roots of rebellion
Love without free space
Ran Ran was born in an ordinary family, his parents are both dual-income workers, although the economic conditions are average, but the monthly salary of the two is enough to maintain their daily life, and the life of a family of three is particularly happy.
Ran Ran is the only daughter in the family, and she has been very introverted since she was a child, not as lively and active as other children.
Even at home, she rarely speaks, and she doesn't talk around her parents all day long like other children.
Her parents love Ran Ran very much and treat her as a pearl in their palms, for fear that she will be hurt in any way.
But Ranran's introverted personality makes her parents particularly worried. Worried that she would be bullied by her classmates outside, worried that she would meet bad people, and even more worried that she would not be able to protect herself.
In order to ensure Ran Ran's safety, every time Ran Ran went out, her parents would keep nagging her.
Told Ran Ran over and over again, asking her what she couldn't go, what she couldn't do, and what time she had to go home on time. There were even several times when parents insisted on going with Ran Ran.
Once, Ran Ran made an appointment with a friend to go to another friend's house to play, and he had so much fun that he forgot to make an appointment with his parents to go home.
Seeing that Ran Ran never came back, her parents kept calling her to urge her to go home, and even went directly to a friend's house to find her.
In front of her friends and her family, her parents came up and scolded her, which made her feel very embarrassed and felt that she had lost face in front of her friends.
When I got home, the more I thought about it, the more aggrieved I became, and I quarreled with my parents. This is also the first time Ran Ran has quarreled with his parents.
Ran Ran felt that she had no freedom at all, and her parents' excessive care for her left her with no space and time for herself.
Although Ran Ran knew that her parents loved her, this kind of love made her feel particularly troubled.
Exclusion and isolation of those around you
Because Ran Ran is very introverted, she doesn't know how to interact with her classmates at school, so the relationship is particularly tense.
I had just entered junior high school, and the other students were very excited and excited about the new environment and their classmates. Ran Ran sat alone in the corner, his heart full of anxiety and fear.
She didn't know how to fit in with this new group, and she didn't know how to get along with these strange classmates.
During recess, Ran Ran always sat alone in his seat and watched the students around him play happily.
In class, Ran Ran never dared to raise his hand to speak, and even dared to ask his classmates for advice when he encountered a problem.
Whenever a classmate took the initiative to chat with Ran Ran, she always behaved very cold and didn't communicate much with her classmates.
The classmates all thought that Ran Ran was very difficult to get along with, and slowly they were reluctant to take the initiative to play with her.
Gradually, Ran Ran became more and more silent, and even had some inferiority.
The lonely Ran Ran was alone all day long, and her heart was full of loneliness and helplessness.
In fact, in my heart, I am very eager to mingle with my classmates, integrate into their circle, and become one of them.
During a recess, several classmates were chatting about some novel topics, but they could only listen silently on the sidelines, envious and frightened.
When she mustered up the courage to try to blend in with them, her classmates looked at her strangely, and then dispersed. Ran was left alone and stupidly in place.
Ran Ran was particularly lost, feeling as if he had become an "alien" who was rejected by his classmates, and he was particularly distressed in his heart.
Demands too much perfection from the self
Ran Ran has been a particularly self-disciplined child since she was a child, whether it is life or study, she has very high requirements for herself, and she must strive for perfection in everything she does.
Her parents had high expectations for Ran Ran's studies, and she never disappointed them.
Every day after school, Ran Ran always finishes her homework first before doing other things, and never lets her parents urge her to study.
Ran Ran is particularly envious of those students who can go to school in key universities, and in order to be able to get into their ideal university, Ran Ran has set a goal for himself since he was in elementary school.
And also set a small goal for yourself every month to motivate yourself to keep trying.
As long as you fail to meet your requirements in an exam, you will feel that you are not working hard enough.
After hard work, Ran Ran was admitted to her favorite key junior high school as she wished, and once again completed her phased small goals, which made Ran Ran very happy and had a special sense of achievement.
During the summer vacation, Ran Ran pestered her parents to take her out to play, and canceled the cram school before the start of school.
After the start of the school year, the other students adapted to the new course very quickly, but Ran Ran felt that it was very difficult to learn, and sometimes they could not understand the content of the teacher.
This makes Ranran, who has a high self-demandingness, particularly uncomfortable, and even a little frustrated.
A month later, in the monthly exam, Ran Ran's test results were unexpectedly bad, and the results that could be ranked in the top 10 of the grade in elementary school became the bottom in junior high school.
Seeing those classmates who were better than her, she couldn't accept it in her heart.
She felt that her classmates were improving, but she had been stagnant, which made Ran Ran very distressed.
Although Ran Ran studied hard every day, her grades still did not improve in the next few rounds of exams.
This can't help but make Ran Ran feel particularly unfair, and feel that he has not been duly rewarded for his efforts.
Intense study pressure and excessive self-requirements often make her insomnia, and even need to take sleep aids to fall asleep for a while.
In order to improve Ran Ran's academic performance, the teacher often called her to the office to tutor her personally and help her explain the topics she had done wrong.
But Ran Ran was paranoid that what the teacher did was giving her charity, and even clashed with the teacher.
In the face of the exclusion of his classmates and the pressure brought about by his studies, he felt very helpless. Gradually, Ran Ran lost his original motivation to study.
I often get distracted and desert during the teacher's class time, do not listen carefully, and sometimes disturb other students listening to the class.
The homework assigned by the teacher was not written, and there were even several class exams that were directly given up.
The teacher was very helpless about Ran Ran's performance, so she had to tell her parents and try to persuade Ran Ran.
II. II. II
Perfect metamorphosis
Knowing Ran Ran's situation, Ms. Sang, a psychology teacher, formulated a systematic intervention plan for her and guided her step by step.
Emotional empathy and building a good relationship of trust
Due to her introverted personality, she was particularly resistant to everything around her when she first arrived at the base.
No matter what Teacher Sang asked, she refused to answer. She also never participates in the training and activities of the base, and stays alone in the dormitory.
Teacher Sang showed great patience and stayed with Ran Ran every day, staying in the dormitory with her, and gently comforting her.
Slowly, Ran Ran was moved by Mr. Sang's meticulous care, and finally opened his heart.
Teacher Sang patiently listened to Ran Ran's voice and looked at the problem from Ran Ran's perspective. And use empathy to accept Ran Ran's negative emotions, and encourage her to let go of the baggage and worries in her heart.
Through the guidance of Mr. Sang, Ran Ran slowly let go of the mustard in his heart, vented his emotions with confidence, and established a relationship of trust with Mr. Sang.
Change your thinking patterns and behaviors
Because Ran Ran often has some negative interpretations of the language or behavior of the people around her, Mr. Sang adopts it[Prosecution and Defense Techniques] and [Divergent Thinking Techniques].Help Ran Ran to change negative thinking patterns and behavior habits.
Using the prosecution and defense techniques, she was encouraged to look at the same thing from both positive and negative aspects, improve her negative self-evaluation, and help her change her negative thinking pattern and learn to look at the problem more comprehensively.
Using divergent thinking techniques, she learns to understand the words and deeds of others from multiple perspectives, cultivates her thinking flexibility, helps her learn how to communicate and get along with others, and reduces misunderstandings and conflicts.
Through the application of these two technologies, she not only changed her negative thinking patterns and behavioral habits, alleviated negative emotions, but also laid the foundation for the next step to improve her interpersonal relationships.
Change the criteria for evaluating yourself
Because Ran Ran often feels frustrated by being too demanding, his emotions are also affected to a certain extent. So Mr. Sang adoptedDistinguish between progress and perfect technologyto help her.
Let Ran realize that you don't have to be too perfect in everything, but pay attention to your own progress.
During the base's monthly selection, she felt that she was a failure because she was particularly frustrated that she did not get outstanding students.
Teacher Sang helped Ran Ran to recall some of the progress and achievements she had made in her previous studies. And through some specific examples, help Ran Ran to see that she is actually growing.
Teacher Sang also guided Ran Ran to understand the difference between progress and perfection. Tell Ran that if you pursue perfection too much, it will only lead to self-frustration and disappointment.
Teacher Sang encouraged Ran Ran to look at herself with a new way of thinking, helping Ran Ran to reduce self-pressure and look at her progress more objectively.
Mr. Sang also adopts[Evaluation of Zero Point Technology].to help her re-examine her current situation and help her realize that it is inappropriate to be herself.
Guiding Ran Ran to compare with her own zero point helps her better understand her progress and reduce the negative emotions caused by her high standards for herself.
Enhance self-worth and self-confidence
Because Ran Ran has too high requirements for herself, once she is frustrated, she easily falls into self-doubt, thinking that she can't do anything, and her mood becomes very low.
Teacher Sang adopted it[Changing the self-comparison technique].Help Ran Ran reconstruct a more reasonable way of comparison, recall some of the things she has done before, and emphasize the importance of these results to her.
In the process, she gradually increased her self-confidence and guided her to look at her abilities more positively.
Teacher Sang also encouraged Ran Ran that everyone is constantly changing and growing, and it is important to see your own progress and change, rather than focusing too much on your own shortcomings.
Under the patient guidance of Mr. Sang, Ran Ran gradually changed his way of thinking and began to pay attention to his own progress and growth.
Not only has her self-confidence increased, but her emotional state has also improved significantly, greatly improving her self-perception and sense of self-worth.
Write at the end:
Now Ran Ran has a significant change in mentality.
The introverted personality has become much more cheerful, not only actively participating in various training and activities of the base, but also making a few close friends, and the relationship is very harmonious.
She no longer is overly demanding of herself, but looks at herself with a more positive and positive attitude, which is a very big step forward for Ran Ran.
I believe that with the help of the base and Mr. Sang, Ran Ran will be able to continue to complete the transformation and realize his ideals and goals.