Turn the page in 2023
Text: 360-degree psychology understands love and understands you better.
Hello teacher:
I have been with L for more than a year, I am a divorced woman, he is a married man, we have experienced several separations and reunions, including a pregnancy and abortion, love deeply, and pain deeply, but tossing and turning, I can't do without him, he can't let go of me, and now the relationship is getting better and better.
At first, he moved to me for work reasons, and we took the opportunity to live a pure two-person world. He goes out to work in the morning, and in the evening I cook a meal and wait for him to come home for dinner. Every night, we drink and talk happily, enjoy **, and hug each other to sleep ......Fairy couples, it's just that. When it was extremely cool, I said to him, I want to be with you forever ......
Of course, I know in my heart that this matter is not said or not, but when the body and mind of two people are extremely integrated, at that moment I really want to have him forever, and always have this feeling of wanting to die.
Once, I did have such an obsession. When we were not fully stuck in 3 months, I decided to give a shallow taste and proposed to break up, and he told me to let me wait for him for a year, and he wanted to divorce and be with me. At that time, I was both surprised and surprised, faithful to his promise and thoroughly in love with him.
But half a year later, I felt his hesitation. When I pressed him, he confessed to me that he probably wouldn't be able to get married for various reasons. At that time, there was really a feeling of five thunderstorms, you know how many scenes I longed for after we were together in those months, but it was ...... ashes in that momentI struggled to break up, but found myself inseparable from him.
He is a man who makes me very comfortable in all aspects, because middle-aged love knows more about what each other needs, and that feeling is both rich and refreshing, soft and affectionate, mature and innocent, everything is just right to nourish the body and mind, and make people intoxicated. After struggling for a long time, I stayed. Based on my understanding of his family's situation and my thinking about my own needs.
I want a good intimacy more than a name, or I wouldn't be divorced. It's good to have love and fame, but when I haven't met it yet, can I settle for the next best?After all, my physical and emotional needs are real.
When he was busy and didn't have time to spend with me, his heart would still be unbalanced, until I found out that I was pregnant, and finally the relationship was on the verge of collapse. Usually there is no intersection of interests between each other, only love, and everyone is prosperous, but now that something has happened, I deeply understand the cowardice and cowardice of the system man.
There's no way to have a child, but he was so confused that he didn't know how to comfort me in the face of me, and a person who usually seemed to have high emotional intelligence was at a loss like a child at that moment, which really made me emotionally rush to the peak, and scolded him in WeChat every day. I wanted to cut him off and go to a private hospital in the provincial capital to do ** by myself, but in the end, I was worried that I was weak and no one would take care of me, so I agreed to his request to go with him.
When I came out of the operating room, I felt very fragile because of the uterine contraction and abdominal pain, and suddenly I found that I hated him, but I still needed him very much!This kind of thing and such emotions really can't be told and asked for help from anyone else around me.
Maybe he felt guilty, he was more careful with me, and he contributed all kinds of money and efforts during the operation and later stage. Under his careful care, I recovered quickly. Slowly, I calmed down a lot. I began to understand the weakness of accepting human nature, his weakness prevented him from properly handling the matter, and then hurt me, and my weakness also made me unable to say that I would leave, and I still had a lot of emotional dependence on him.
But the heart is still unbalanced, and the scars in the heart are still visible to the naked eye. But that's all he can give, and it's useless to force him to death.
I think I can not leave him, but I have to give myself the ability to leave, that is, the ability to be free.
So, teacher, what I want to say is that freedom is not an external state that you can have if you want it, it is more of an internal state, it is an ability, it needs to be independent inside, regardless of gains and losses, and full of courage. A person who is full of fear in his heart cannot be free.
Then I registered my information on the dating website. Because of his own good conditions, I soon found a partner who was in love, and I haven't met yet, but the company he gave me during this time on WeChat made my emotions come out of the trough faster.
In particular, I let go of my resentment towards L more and more. I asked, what do you want me to do?He replied, I want you to follow your heart. I asked again, when will you leave?He replied, "You don't need me when you ......."I think he is actually expressing that I love you and that you are free.
I believe that L is kind and loves me. I don't know how long I'll be with him or if I'll leave him, but when I let go of my obsession and cultivate a state of freedom, I found that our relationship was better.
No matter what my relationship with him is, I will never give up on finding the right single partner. Even if you can't find a suitable one, this process will dilute a lot of inner imbalances, and you will finally work hard for your happiness without regrets.
The pursuit of freedom of course also involves trying to make more money, keeping the economy from being dependent on anyone, reading more books, and making yourself a better thinker. Recently, I was reading the Tao Te Ching, and I felt that I benefited a lot when I first saw the beginning.
The so-called avenue is invisible, and many times we are made miserable by obsessions and so-called morality, but are those obsessions and morality the Tao?Obviously not, the true Tao is the law of heaven and earth, and conforms to the law of the development of all things in the world, so the true Tao is shadowless and formless, because it is constantly changing.
Why are there so many extramarital affairs now, it's not that these people are not kind, but that society is already changing, and human needs are changingIf we still use the constraints of old concepts to guide ourselves, instead of looking at problems from a more objective and broader perspective, and explore a way of life that suits us, then we can only suffer ourselves.
Finally, I still want to tell my sisters that no matter how good an extramarital affair is, it must be strictly contraceptive, the body is your own, and the wound is your own. We can live without fame, and we can accept the loss of love, but we don't want to put on our own bodies anymore!Don't believe in any safe period, only *** is the safest. What a painful realization ......
My reply: Between men and women at the peak of emotion, especially at the highest peak, there is always a feeling that this person will always belong to me and I will always belong to him, and they will be blended together. Like Hiagi and Rinko in "Paradise Lost", they committed suicide in the climax of **, so that they would never be separated from each other in that extreme state.
But in addition to ** in life, back to real life, we have to bear more responsibilities than this. For example:We still need to go to work, we still need to socialize, we still need to study, we also need to go shopping, and so on.
Those who have experienced this kind of extreme, of course, will know the beauty of itBut you can't think of it as the whole of life, or to return to the rationality and most of the life in real life, we will be clearer, the original sex and love, if someone can cooperate with you to complete, then happy to complete, if back to real life, everyone has their own life, that is a very good state.
The reason why married life is more troublesome is because even if there is no such extreme temperament, it needs to be entangled in real life, such as who pays for buying vegetables every day and who pays for buying a house. And your relationship with him is to enjoy this extreme sex and emotion, and not to bear this real life part.
In contrast, if you figure out this part, you are free and will take care of your real life part.
The emotional and sexual part is only a small part, of course it is better to have it, if not, your real life will run as usual, and many people always make their real life completely disrupted for this part of sex and emotion.
About author:360-degree view of psychology, psychological supervisor, counselor, psychology lecturer, gender relationship research scholar, emotional writer, deeply engaged in the field of psychology for more than 20 years, focusing on the improvement of women's wisdom, gender cognitive cultivation and intimate relationship building, to improve the modern men and women's sense of belief and cooperation in love and marriage for the concept, based on improving the quality of marriage between Chinese men and women, is committed to making China's marriage and family relations more stable, so that the modern society between the sexes can be healthier and long-term development.