Consultation log 1: Is she going to force marriage?
Consultation Log 2: I suspect she's raising fish.
This case consultation is very long, the consultation before the redemption, only put the conversation to help the students chat, and the other processes are skipped, here is the focus on the guidance to get along with the problem after the success of the recovery: the consultation before the success of the recovery Female student: The ex asked why he cared so much about him, how to get back a little better Teacher Feng: One can say that because I saw the two of you before, I remembered him. If you want to take off your guard, you can also say that you are packing up your previous things and want to save them, and when you are packing, you think of him when you see that thing, so you go and ask him. Female student: It's just that we are chatting, he is blocked, I care about him for a while, Teacher Feng: You can also exaggerate, just say that you are afraid that he will get the new crown, so let's ask him if he is still panting. This kind of answer, in fact, is similar to the waste test, you don't answer too seriously, or you have to answer seriously, like the one I said, give him a reasonable reason. So you can respond to him in a humorous way, as the chat room said. Female student: Gao Ming. But he didn't get the new crown, he was isolated at home. If you can't do the new crown, you can't say that, hahaha Zifeng: You just said that you are afraid that he will get depression after being blocked, and he can't think about it, and he will do something to hurt himself, so I will care about him. Female Student: Okay.
Female student: I've been chatting with my ex recently, and then I find him to reply to me, basically at 11 or 2 o'clock in the evening. And he replied to me just in response, sometimes I would ask what I was doing, but I asked him what he was busy with lately and seemed to go to bed so late every day, he didn't ignore that question, and rarely took the initiative to talk about his own things, I don't know what he thinks now, Mr. Zifeng: He should be a certain wary of you, and he doesn't want you to know too much information about him, and he is worried about what you will do after you know it. He may now know that the purpose of your contact is to redeem it, but he doesn't want to get back together now, so he deliberately obstructs your contact with the female student: Okay, I know Female student: It's because of the epidemic that I'm isolated at home, I said that maybe God thinks that I am not good at cooking, so I have honed it My ex told me, maybe if you practice well, the man will come, how should I deal with him, I feel that this is a waste test Teacher Zifeng: You can go back: Then you have become a five-star chef, can you have a particularly handsome Teacher Zifeng: Yes, like a waste test, you can be bold and joke with him Female student: I said to him, wow, what man?Teacher Zifeng, who is so blessed: You can go back like this. When he said this kind of thing, it was a little ambiguous, and he pushed it away a little bit, but I think it might still be a little ambiguous, just like he talked to you about that topic before, the last time he said that you don't have any ideas, this kind of thing. Female student: Yes, I may want to test Mr. Zifeng again: Yes, he tried it repeatedly, which actually shows that he has his own ideas. He doesn't look like he wants to push you away for the time being, that is, there are basically two possibilities, one is afraid that you will test you if you have a boy, and the other is that he wants to push you away. If you look at it now, I'm afraid that you have a higher probability of having other boys. Female student: I feel that I am hanging, and I will care about me, but I want to get close to him and ignore him, why do you want to be a teacher Zifeng: If he retreats, you will retreat, and if you have the opportunity to retreat, he will retreat again, and if you enter, he will retreat, and you will retreat. Don't pursue a success, just keep advancing and retreating slowly. In this process of mentality adjustment, you can look at this: a very complex thing, in the process of operation, how to maintain the stability of mentality and emotion?Female student: Okay, got it!Female student: Teacher, we're very ambiguous now, I want to hang my appetite, how do we want to talk
Teacher Zifeng chatted on his behalf: You can come if you want to bring your own seasoning, and then you are not allowed to play hooligan after you come!Female student: I don't go back like this: see if you concentrate on making soup, if so, you can Zifeng teacher: Yes, how have you gotten along latelyFemale student: I went to his dormitory a while ago, and then had a meal, it was quite ambiguous at that time, I felt that I had treated the other party as an object, but I didn't say it, so I was a little confused, I didn't want to be unclear, this time his roommate came back, and I wanted to come to my side to cook Teacher Zifeng: He came over, either he wanted to take advantage of you, or he wanted to reunite with the female student: he should want to get back together and take advantage of it, but if I took advantage of him directly, he might not mention Mr. Zifeng: Yes, he is coming, you can not stop him, but you have to get stuck with him, you can't let him take advantage, unless he says that he wants to reunite with the female student: he just didn't express his position, and I don't know what the boy thinks about the female student: when he didn't talk to him like this before, I would tell him directly that he was not serious or something. In the latter words, he said that it was because he would talk like this to a familiar opposite sex, which meant that if he only asked if he ate and slept every day, he would feel very bored. Until now, after separating anyway, and then at the ambiguous stage, he will occasionally come up with these words from time to time, Mr. Feng: Well, his need to take advantage is still obvious, and we don't get stuck with him, we can give him some sweetness, but the key scale is to get him stuck, and he must first express his stance before he can have a relationship. Female student: He wouldn't say that he was coming, he would ask my opinion every time, including just now, he would also say "I'm going to bring him to my house to make soup for me?" I don't know if I think about Mr. Zifeng: I don't think too much, it's a little irresponsible, but it's not important. After coming, as soon as the door closes, there are only two of you, a man and a widow, and it is hard to guarantee that he will not go up. Female student: And oh, if he comes to my side, and then he mentions the reunion because he wants to take advantage of me, I don't really want to do this, I think he mentions the compound Zifeng because he wants to be with me: After he agrees to get back together, you can also continue to find a reason not to have a relationship, just say test him for two more days, see if he really wants to get back together, just let him hug, or you just say that your aunt is here, and there are two days before you leave, and today you will only hold and sleep. Female student: That's if he really wants to say it. If he wants to take the next step, I'll just say I'm not ready, so it's okay. Teacher Zifeng: It's okay to say it directly, you can choose according to the situation at that time, or you can ask him directly, ask him if he really wants to get back together, or if it's just an impulse. Female student: Teacher Hao Zifeng: You can first let him say that he really wants to get back together, and then you can ask him if he really wants to get back together, not because of the current impulse. Female student: Anyway, he has to mention it, so I won't mention it, and if he doesn't mention it, I'll just think he's a more ambiguous friend. Teacher Zifeng: Hahaha, it's okay if you don't mention it, you just tease him Female student: He really wants to come, and I have already refused a little tactfully
Teacher Zifeng: Yes, it's okay to get stuck a little bit, if he really wants to get back together, he really needs it, he will also find a reason to come to the female student: OkayZifeng concluded: Using the sexual needs of your ex-boyfriend to get back together is also a common way to redeem yourself, but don't be stupid and suffer, that is, the man must clearly say that he is reunited before he can have a relationship, otherwise he can only give the other party some sweetness on a small scale, ** the other party. Like here, the female student is more demanding, she doesn't like her ex-boyfriend to agree to get back together purely for sexual needs, but wants her ex-boyfriend to accept it if he really wants to get back together, which is good. Then the two really got back together after they met. Counseling after recovery success.
Female student: Teacher Zifeng, I found that I talk a lot when I meet my boyfriend now, and everyone will say anything when we meet, but after separation, it suddenly cools down, and I feel that I have nothing to talk about, and then the whole person becomes cautious, so it is not normal Teacher Zifeng: That's right, after the topic is over, only when we are together, do something together, there will be more new topics, so in fact, you don't want to pursue how enthusiastic you must talk online, as long as you talk better when you meet. Teacher Zifeng: How often can you two meet?Do you see each other once in a long time, or do you see each other often?It doesn't matter if you see each other often. If you only meet once in a long time, and you don't talk about anything on WeChat, you can also turn to an occasional hit**ah, fight**. Teacher Zifeng: If you talk about text, you do talk about the topic, because text chat is actually more expensive, you type, you type and chat for an hour and your hands are sore, unless you say that you send a voice or call like this or **, it will be simpler and more efficient.
Female students: A week, two weeks, half a month, a month may be female students: We have known each other since April, we have been talking, and then from May to August we talked about separation for three months, and after two months of separation, we reconciled again, and now we have been reconciled for almost a month, and now we have known each other for 7 months Teacher Zifeng: I forgot, you have consulted 1-to-1 before, and then reunited, right, you haven't asked questions for a long time. I'll send you an article, you see: love has no freshness, it will be dangerous, but do you know how to solve it?
Female student: Yes, I'm back together, I don't feel like there's anything to talk about now, and sometimes when I talk to him, he will reply very perfunctory. And then sometimes, he talked to me, I sometimes don't want to talk, this way of chatting, let me feel a little wrong, he is when he came to me, I feel that when we are not together, we chatted very well, and then after being together, it is not good to chat on WeChat, and said that it will be better to be friends Zifeng teacher: You take a look at this article first, your current direction is actually not to pay too much attention to him, you should be more to improve your attractiveness on the OK how to improve attractiveness, it must be to shift your attention to yourself, just make yourself better and better in all aspects。 You don't need to overdo it, because you spend your time and energy on maintaining him and being good to him, and in the end, you will have very little time and energy to improve yourself.
Teacher Zifeng: In the long run, your attraction to him will actually decline, so it is best for you to pay more attention to yourself, improve yourself more, and then let him run after you, don't run after him, if you run after him, you will never be able to catch up. And making yourself very good, making him more afraid of losing you, and even more afraid that you are too good and being pried away by other boys, this is a more long-term direction to be able to ** this problem.
Teacher Zifeng: So, if you do your own things well, go out to socialize when you should socialize, and make friends of the opposite sex who should make friends, it is not the kind of relationship that you should make, or ordinary normal friends of the opposite sex, so that he can see that you are very popular, it is better. And let him have a little sense of crisis, that is, you are getting better and better, he thinks that you are getting better and better in all aspects, then he will feel that you must be more popular, and then he will indeed see that there are many other boy friends around you who are actually a little bit interesting to you. It's just that if you have a boyfriend, it's not very convenient for them. Female student: Okay, then I'm just going to do my own thing, Mr. Zifeng: And then before you got back together, the last time he came to you, the problem you were worried about at that time, worried that he just wanted to get back together with you because it was sexual, but you felt that you didn't want to get back together because of this, but that he really liked you as a person. He is acting now, there will be a little bit of this hidden danger, but this hidden danger is that you don't need to pay attention to his various ideas too much. Teacher Zifeng: The main thing is to live a good life for yourself, and your charm will naturally come up, and after the charm comes up, it is he who panics. We don't do that, we panic, we are always afraid of losing each other. This fear. Eventually, it will keep us passive. He lives a good life every day, dresses up beautifully, and pays attention to socializing when he should socialize, he will naturally panic slowly, because he will be attracted. Female student: This time, I found that he should not only be with me because of sex, but also because of other aspects, because I think he will pay attention to my feelings this time Teacher Zifeng: Yes, in fact, the attraction is the general direction, that is, not only the attraction to him in terms of sexual attraction, but also to make you more attracted in other aspects, but the attraction in other aspects must need you, do better in other aspects, and naturally this attraction will be there. When this aspect of attraction is there, it is natural that he will not be just sexual. Teacher Zifeng: In general, there are three ways to attract long-term relationships, which are what I talked about in the previous article (a love that never breaks up, you can only get it if you talk about it like this!).And another touch, if you are moved, you see, if you have the opportunity, you can also move him, for example, when he needs someone to accompany him, or when he is more vulnerable. Including when you are sick, at that time you pay more attention to him, he is usually fine, you don't pay attention to him, you pay attention to yourself. Then some special days, such as his birthday, or holidays, you can pay a little more attention, he is relatively sensitive in these festivals, you basically attract, moved, and trap these three tricks are better, it's OK: moving is not brainless paying, these moving skills, worth your understanding!Teacher Zifeng: In terms of trapping, you can take a look, you can give priority to the first two first, after you do a good job, you attract him, he will naturally be willing to pay for you, he pays, then it is naturally easy to trap him, and the trapped one should be in the emotional class. That long-term relationship was specifically talked about in that document. Female student: Sometimes, both of you will have that burnout period, and before the redemption, you have been following the requirements, don't expose your sense of need too much, and then when you fall in love, I am also framed, and I am also thinking about whether to expose the sense of need, how to express Teacher Zifeng: Yes, you are not at that stage of redemption now, so you have to change. You are now in a long-term relationship, it is not a stage of flirting, nor is it a stage of redemption, so after you determine the relationship, there is a chance to be moved, you can be moved, and you can expose your sense of need. Expose the sense of need, you can expose it relatively equally with him. Teacher Zifeng: Just don't expose too much of your need for him, your overall direction must be to improve your attractiveness, and then after your attraction comes up, his sense of need for you will also come up. Teacher Zifeng: The stronger his needs for you, the more needs you can expose to him, and that's right. Female student: It must be reciprocal, I can't just expose too much Teacher Zifeng: Yes, you have a lot of exposure needs, you must have a prerequisite, that is, he will also expose you a lot. Female student: Teacher Zifeng of that line: He exposes a lot to you, that is, he has real needs for you, WeChat chat needs are one of them, and there are other needs, the purpose of enhancing attractiveness, that is, let him have various needs for you in other aspects, and his needs for you have come up. You'll be able to correspondingly expose more of your need for him: what is attraction?How to increase attraction and attract people who like it?Female student: I feel that he is also very Buddhist, and so am I, and then the conversation is more tiring, I feel that I am very tired when I need to guide him all the time. So turn around and let him run after your ass. Female student: I need to guide him to do something, when we meet, we have a lot of fun, have a good time, and talk very happily, he will be very good to meFemale student: I just can I express it to him, I am a feeling now, do you want to ask him directly How do you think we are getting along now?Something like that, and then let's do a ** exchange Teacher Zifeng: This kind of communication is actually biased towards a showdown, so if you say that you have done a good job of doing a showdown, it will be more advantageous to have a showdown, and now the showdown, you don't go too deep. If you go too deep, he may say something similar to you, as he said earlier, whether it would be better to be friends. Teacher Zifeng: So you can communicate with him, but don't talk too deeply about why, why there is less chat on WeChat, do you feel that there is no freshness, do you feel bored, don't go deep into this, because in the end, he may give you an answer, the answer you don't like. Female student: Don't say these when the feelings are not in place, right, Teacher Zifeng: Yes, when the feelings are not in place, these answers must be biased towards what was said earlier, whether it is better to be friends, so before there is no **, we already know the result of **, so there is no need to go**. Once he punctured this window paper, he felt that he had already said it anyway, so he could do something more blatantly.
Female student: If this topic is brought up by him, Mr. Zifeng: If he brings it up, you can also restrict him, that is, to limit the extent and scope of your showdown. He brought it up, you can fool him, drag it out for a while, and then, after doing the things that you said before, it's attractive, and you can talk to him in depth. It's to drag it out until you have a better advantage, and then have that kind of deeper showdown with him.
Female student: It's when you want to take the lead, and then mention these topics when you're more sure Teacher Zifeng: That's right, for example, when he sees other boys always chatting with you and something, when you reflect your charm, female student: I think I'm stupid, I will refuse those boys to talk to me, in fact, after the breakup, there were a lot of boys who wanted to go out with me or something, and I was not interested, I would refuse. Now it's the feeling of focusing on one person, Mr. Zifeng: This is a typical moving route, but if he doesn't care about your single-mindedness, it's useless, and it is better to let him have a sense of crisis to stimulate him. Moved is to make him very afraid of losing you, and you specifically refuse to show him, he will be moved, or he will be moved. He is not so afraid of losing you, and if you refuse, he will not particularly care.
Female student: Because I want to cultivate his level of single-mindedness, I am thinking about how to talk about this issue to make him a little more single-minded, whether it is through my own practice, to make him understand the need to maintain boundaries with girls. So what I should do now to make him have a sense of crisis or be a little more dedicated Teacher Zifeng: Because you keep your distance from other boys, you ask him to keep his distance from other girls, this kind of request and agreement is relatively weak, and it is not a particularly suitable way. If he is afraid of losing you, he is afraid that you will be snatched away, he naturally does not dare to keep anything with other girls, because he knows that once he has a little ambiguity with other girls, you may have to dump him, then he will take the initiative not to do anything with other girls. So if you compare and contrast these two ways, in terms of his character, it will definitely make him have a sense of crisis. Teacher Zifeng: But you can also give it a try, or you have tried it now, and you have rejected other boys, then look at his reaction, and whether the reaction he gives you is good or bad. Because you were his girlfriend, he should keep his distance from other girls, and this is a tacit responsibility. is the most basic requirement.
Female student: Because I think a sense of responsibility is very important in the relationship, because you will always meet better boys, what should you do at this time, you can't just meet one and you abandon the one in front of you. That is, it is still necessary to make him have a sense of crisis, Mr. Zifeng: How can you talk about this sense of responsibility?He will say, if I break up with you, won't I have to take this responsibility?He can also find a reason to say, I'm still young, I don't want to get married yet, then it's reasonable for me to break up with you, if I have a wife, I will naturally have a full sense of responsibility for her.
Female student: Then I just have to show it, I have boys who express their interest in me, I just reject them because I like you, that is, if you don't do well one day, then I will leave you Teacher Zifeng:
Mr. Zifeng: That's right, but the basis of the threat is that he is afraid of losing you, so your threat is very useful. Then why is he afraid of losing you?It's because you're very attracted to him. If you are less attractive to him, he will feel that it is okay to lose you. If you look at the triangle theory of love in the upper left corner, the sense of responsibility you are talking about is the commitment in the triangle. Teacher Zifeng: Commitment, passion, intimacy;Commitment is actually the weakest, and if you two really like each other, you can build many, many commitments. But once one of you doesn't like it, then those promises can be gone immediately. Unless the other party is a man of promises. But sometimes you may also face a situation, that is, the other party is a promise, and he has promised to be with you for the rest of his life, even if he doesn't like you anymore, he will fulfill this promise. But there is no point in this thing if you want to come, it is more empty, he is only because of the promise, so he wants to stay with you all the time, not because he likes you, then even if he fulfills this promise, it is meaningless for us to come. Female student: Then we just want to maintain a passion and intimacy Teacher Luo Zifeng: Yes, your passion and intimacy are the most important, intimacy is actually biased towards the moving route, and passion is biased towards the attraction route. Commitment is essentially a trap. For example, if you are married and have children, this kind of trapping is deeper, and getting a marriage certificate is also a commitment, that is, it is stronger than a verbal commitment to a romantic relationship. But without passion and intimacy, you can divorce if you get married, and you can separate when you are together. Teacher Zifeng: The role of commitment is only to say that when you lose passion and intimacy, it can give you a buffer time, for example, two months, there is no passion between the two of you, and there is no intimacy, then you will not break up in these two months, because you still have this commitment. But if there is a long-term lack of passion and intimacy, this commitment will most likely collapse. That is to say, if you only rely on both sides to be trapped together, then this must be trapped, and there must not be too many feelings, and the really beautiful feelings must be attracted to each other, attracted to each other, and have been maintained like this, that is the most beautiful love. You rely on two people to stay together, that is, although two people are not divorced, but they don't have any feelings, so what's the point of this marriage?That's basically pointless. Female Student: Understood. He's also a bit of a closed type, and then I'm biased towards this, and it's hard for me to get into each other's hearts when I'm with him, although we understand each other better, but we're not very good at expressing it. In the process of sensitivity and suspicion, you may lose a kind of trust in the other party. How is it to enhance the intimacy while not exposing the sense of need too much, I think we are now a little bit of a competition with each other, want to occupy a dominant position like this Zi Zifeng teacher: you can emphasize that you are one, it is a cooperative relationship, avoid entering a confrontational relationship, and then recommend that you give priority to attraction, followed by intimacy, and finally commitment: between people, these two relationships, you must be able to grasp!Female student: Okay, good teacher Zifeng: In addition, intimacy is the moving route, and the requirement of the moving route is to send charcoal in the snow, when he is vulnerable, to be moved to do intimacy, not to expose the needs. When he has nothing to do, if you are moved, your needs will be exposed, and when he is fine, he doesn't need to be moved too much. In addition, the amount of emotion given is more than he needs, which is also the need to expose. It's okay if the amount of attraction is exceeded, but the amount of emotion cannot be exceeded. Then you can go and see if there are any things to do that you can experience together, such as going to play escape rooms, meeting ghosts, you rely on him, he protects you, etc. The moving in this virtual scene is also not revealing the needs, specifically refer to this: moving is not brainless paying, these moving skills are worth your understanding!Female student: Well, okay, I found this moving route, maybe I did a better job
Female student: I found out that when I was very good to him before, he didn't care about me very much, and when he made some requests to him, he wouldn't agree to me or anything, and when I could provide him with some emotional value, when I could mobilize his emotions, or let him just feel that he loved me, then he would consciously do those requests that I had on my premise. Teacher Zifeng: Touched by paying, paying is the easiest and easiest to operate, so that the other party is dependent on your pay is the key, if you pay, the other party is not grateful, take it for granted, there is no dependence, dare to lose, then this pay will be lost. Then he cares a lot about your emotional value, in fact, when you give, it is best to give what the other party wants, and you can't give what you think is good. Give what the other party wants most, in order to pay very little, output a lot of touching, we must avoid self-touching.
Female student: Good dropCreation Statement: The above content is only my reinterpretation based on more than 10 years of consulting experience, plus personal subjective assumptions. Among them, the **dialogue,It is also deduced by two *** mutual chats.,If there is any similarity,It's a pure coincidence.,Let's just use it as an example for reference.。 I am Zifeng, a psychological counselor, with 10 years of experience in emotional and psychological counseling and training. If you want to learn the recovery method on your own, you can watch this: "Recovery Method + Recovery Case" Summary January 24
If you want to customize a 1-to-1 recovery plan and track and guide the recovery, you can send me a private message.