There is a saying: there is a degree of relaxation, and it is wisdom. ”
Whether it is contact with relatives or other people, it is very important to maintain a certain degree of proportion, and it is also a proper wisdom to get along.
The so-called maintaining proportionality is to know how not to be greedy for blindly approaching, but to give space for each other;
It is also to understand the bottom line of self, and not to do things that hurt each other because of impulse, which will lead to an abrupt end in the relationship.
Haruki Murakami said
Not every fish lives in the same ocean. ”
A truly smart person knows this well, and will never always do things without proportion according to his own standards, and will only harm others and himself in the end.
In my opinion, whether it is a man or a woman, do not take the initiative to do it, otherwise you will lose badly.
The Tao Te Ching, Chapter 44 reads:
Contentment is not humiliating, knowing that it will not be destroyed, and it can last for a long time. ”
A person who knows how to be content will not be ashamed;Only by knowing how to stop in time can it last for a long time.
If people get along with each other without proper proportions and boundaries, using their own experience to make decisions for others will often make each other unhappy and put themselves in trouble.
During the Wei and Jin dynasties, Ji Kang and Shan Tao in the "Seven Sages of the Bamboo Forest" were such representatives.
At first, the two people had similar temperaments and fell in love with each other, and the relationship was getting better and better.
As the saying goes, feng shui takes turns.
Ji Kang married Cao Cao's great-granddaughter, but when it was the turn of the Sima family to take power, he chose to live in seclusion in the mountains and forests for safety.
But Shantao's career at this time was smooth, he felt that Ji Kang was talented, so he wanted to invite the other party to join the court as an official.
The proposal was rejected by Ji Kang.
However, Shan Tao did not consider the problem from the other party's point of view at all, but insisted on recommending Ji Kang to the emperor.
Because of this incident, Ji Kang completely turned his face with Shantao, and there was no contact with him since.
Between people, because their positions are different, their choices will not be the same.
Even if the relationship with each other is good, don't make choices for others easily, you can give advice, and you must respect other people's choices, only in this way will the other party feel respected, and the relationship will last for a long time.
Otherwise, you will only lose your best relationship, and the gains outweigh the losses.
The writer Alexandre Dumas said:
People who build their hopes on their intentions and wishes will be disappointed more than a dozen times out of twenty. ”
Whether you are a man or a woman, when you are overly dependent on one person, you tend to overestimate your relationship with the other person, which will only add endless troubles to yourself.
I have seen a story shared by a netizen.
There are two girls, tentatively called A and B, the two have a good relationship, and they are willing to confide in each other about anything.
Even after getting married, they still maintain contact and communication, and hope that this friendship can last for a long time.
Once, A's daughter had a fever, but because of work problems, A and her husband couldn't get away for a while, and B took the initiative to take the other party's child to see a doctor after learning about it.
Not only was she busy, but she even paid for her own medical expenses, which made A very moved.
A says to B, no matter what happens to you in the future, just say it, a word.
From then on, as long as B encounters a little something, he will ask A to help, and even become dependent, and never give anything in return.
After all, something happened.
B wants to buy a house, because he trusts him too much, so he asks A to help him read some terms and check for himself.
But this time, because A felt that there was no return for his help, he slacked off and didn't take a serious look, which led to B suffering huge economic losses.
The two of them also turned their faces into enemies, because the matter of compensation was still in court, which made people sigh.
Too often, don't be overly dependent on one person, it's a pattern of life and a way to protect yourself.
Sometimes, you become overly dependent and negligent, and you lose a lot of moneySometimes, you let yourself lose badly because you overestimate your relationship with each other.
In this world, there are too many things that need to be done by yourself, too many roads that need to be walked by yourself, and everything is fine if you don't hand it over to others, which is irresponsible, and it is the beginning of a tragedy in life.
Reducing dependence, lowering expectations, and staying sober is the right way to have a good relationship.
There is a saying that a sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, which knows how to observe the necessary distance between people in interpersonal interactions. ”
In this case, even if you get along with the closest people and know the standard of proportion, it is not to give without a bottom line, which is the sobriety of being a person, and it is the secret of maintaining a long-term relationship.
Tell the story of a great writer Lu Xun.
At that time, the family moved to Beijing one after another, and at the same time, he also took his younger brother Zhou Zuoren's family to live.
Lu Xun thought about it at that time, thinking that the main house was facing well, the yard was relatively large, and the children could also have a place for activities.
Then he gave the main house in the backyard to his younger brother, and he chose to back down and live in the courtyard hood.
In order to highlight the closeness of the family, everyone's food, clothing, housing and transportation are counted together, regardless of you and me.
What people didn't expect was that the younger brother and daughter-in-law lived a luxurious and extravagant life, and at once recruited six or seven servants to the family.
To see a doctor, you have to find the most expensive doctor, and the daily necessities should be the best, so that the life of the family can not make ends meet.
Lu Xun couldn't bear the heavy financial burden, and in the end the brothers broke up unhappily, and he also made himself complain.
No matter how good the relationship between brothers and sisters is, don't give without a bottom line, not only will it not make each other close, but it will be easier to turn against each other.
The same is true for other relationship patterns.
No matter how much you love someone, don't give without a bottom line, it will only make the other person feel taken for granted, and eventually slowly become dissatisfied, and it will exceed your actual ability and drag you down.
This is especially true when getting along with friends, true friendship is not to be careless, but to get along with a bottom line, otherwise you will only hurt yourself in the end.
There is a saying: not all people will go to the same place in this journey of life. ”
Now that you understand the differences between people's interactions, don't do the above wrong things easily, but keep a sense of proportion, keep your distance, and keep the bottom line, which is a smart choice.
In life, I hope that we can all illuminate others in a relationship, warm ourselves, see each other clearly, walk our own way, see the beautiful scenery, and go through the world.
end-** photographic network.