When I was in my teens and twenties, there were two things that struck me the most: a dream about falling off a ladder and a sadness before leaving home on a Sunday afternoon. When I was a child, I didn't know why, but now I think it's probably due to a lack of security.
In the past 20 years from graduating from college to getting married and having children, I have never experienced the experience of leaving my hometown, nor have I experienced the pain of being separated from my loved ones, and I am accompanied by my lover and children day and night.
In September this year, Xuan was promoted to the first year of high school and started his first residential life.
On the Sunday afternoon when Xuan returned to school after three weeks of living in the school for the first time, there was a sadness rising in my heart, but when I saw him, I happily packed my luggage, left home, and entered the school gate, without the slightest unhappiness, and the sadness that had just sprung up in me was much better.
The sadness I felt about that Sunday afternoon came from 30 years ago, in 1993, when I was in my first year of junior high school and lived away from home for the first time.
Every Sunday afternoon, from lunch to the two or three hours before leaving home, it is an awkward time, when I have neither the heart to read my homework, nor do I want to play anything, let alone chat with my family, I always pretend to be busy packing up. My mother would always tell me to bring this and that, and after listening to it too much, I couldn't control the tears in my eyes, so I hurriedly found a corner where no one was there and secretly wiped it off.
When I became an adult, I have long forgotten the fragments of life and Xi in junior high school, but I only remember the feeling before leaving home every Sunday afternoon, which is an unspeakable sadness, a nostalgia and reluctance to home, which cannot be erased or forgotten, so engraved into the memory.
Xuan is a child who has been raised since childhood, likes to do everything by himself, and is never afraid of tediousness and difficulties, and rarely picky about the environment. So since the beginning of high school, he has loved the school and his classmates, and he is very active when he returns to school every weekend.
The teacher's notice was to arrive at school before 6:30 p.m. on Sunday, and Xuan students arrived at school at 2 o'clock, packed up their luggage and went to the playground to play football when they arrived at the dormitory. Later, the weather slowly cooled down, and we postponed the return to school until 3 o'clock.
Last weekend, Xuan had a low-grade fever on the first day he went home, and recently with the rampant mycoplasma and influenza A, he defeated the school's "thousands of troops", but he had a seizure in the most virus-free home. He slept groggily at home on Saturday, and although he had no fever on Sunday, he was weak and not in good spirits.
After lunch on Sunday, I worked with my dad to persuade him, "Why don't we take a leave of absence and go back on Monday morning." Xuan refused without hesitation, and said firmly: "Let's go at three o'clock." ”
At 3:00, I observed that Xuan was putting on his socks, and it took several minutes for a sock to be carefully examined, to roll the sock tube, and then to put it on his feet.
I knew that he actually wanted to stay at home for a while, probably because he preferred to stay at home and watch over his parents when he was unwell.
So I again suggested that I go back to school on Monday morning, and Xuan still insisted on going back to school in the afternoon, and I suggested, "Why don't we go out at four o'clock!."”
Well, okay. He readily agreed.
Then I spent another hour in Xuan's room with him, during which I caught some of his subtle movements, a sense of déjà vu, and my eyes moistened after thirty years.
You must know that it is rare for my family to be strong and vulnerable.
Three months after the start of high school, there have been various viruses in the school, and the students around me have also asked for leave, temporary day school, and long-term day study due to various circumstances. And our little tough guy only went home for one night because of a high fever, and he never had any emotions because of anything at school, nor did he ask for any emotional help from us.
This "hypocrisy" is probably an accident, if it weren't for this "hypocrisy", I would have forgotten that he was still a child.
I took him to school, and on the way home, I had mixed feelings: 30 years ago, I was sad that I was reluctant to leave home before returning to school on Sunday afternoonThirty years later, the sadness before returning to school on Sunday afternoon is that I am reluctant to let my children leave home.
On weekends when he doesn't go home, we will choose Sunday at four o'clock in the afternoon to bring some fruit and snacks to school for him, and every time he picks up something and talks for three or five words and leaves.
These three or five sentences are a bit too few for a mother who has been looking forward to it for a week. This once again reinforced my sentimentality that Sunday afternoon. Whenever sorrow arises, I comfort myself: it is because he is very adaptable to school life, and what is it to him, who has been wearing hard since he was a childIsn't that what a man should be?
I also know that we have been with him through the first ten years, and these ten years are not only the starting point of his life, the source of his sense of security and self-confidence in his life, but also the most precious memories of our parents, which are enough to comfort the rest of his life.
Over the years, we have watched him a little full-fledged, and when we see him about to soar into the blue sky, we should actually ignore our sorrows and applaud him, because the end of the love between parents and children is separation!
I am writing this little article today just to record, to record his life around us, and to record the emotional flow between him and us. Today, it seems that it may be the hypocrisy of some old mothers, but in another thirty years, when he becomes an old father, he may be able to meet "hypocrisy" again!