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The boat in which two men and one woman were riding sank and drifted to a deserted island. Think about who they are and what happens next.
If the two men were Spaniards, they would use a duel to decide who owned the woman;
If they were French, one would be the woman's husband and the other would be her lover;
If they were Soviets, they would write a report and stuff it in a bottle, let it drift back to the motherland, asking their superiors to instruct them who could marry her.
An ancient corpse was unearthed somewhere in the Soviet Union, and scientists tried their best to determine its age. At this time, two young men who claimed to be KGB came, and without saying a word, put the ancient corpse into a hut. After a while, they came out and clapped their hands and said, "It's 2235 years ago."
The scientists were horrified and hurriedly asked what high-tech means the KGB had mastered. "It's simple. They straightened their clothes and said, "He did it himself." ”
Foreign leaders visit Moscow kindergartens and ask children: "Who is the leader of your country?"”
Answer: "Polar bears!".”
Q: "What about the most famous animal in your country?"”
Answer: "Brezhnev!".”
Asked: "Which place in Moscow is the highest?".”
A: "The 533-meter-high Ostankino TV Tower, of course!”
Someone denied: "No, it's the basement of the KGB building on Lubyanka Square." From there, you can see every move in every corner of the country. ”
Who can put an elephant in the freezer?Only super-politicians can do it, and the steps are as follows.
Step 1: Catch a cat and make the cat admit that it is an elephant under a fierce political offensive.
Step 2: Announce the development plan for a refrigerator that can fit into elephants, mobilize public donations, and do not actually produce it.
Step 3: Accept the witness to prove that the elephant has been packed into the refrigerator.
Step 4: Take advantage of the best and repeatedly emphasize the theory that "cats are the ancestors of elephants" to prevent future troubles.
The Health Committee of the USSR suggested to Comrade Brezhnev: from now on, we have decided not to use mice for medical experiments, but to replace them with KGB volunteers for the following reasons:
First, due to the shortage of food, it directly affects the survival of rats, and at present there are many more KGB members than rats.
Second, the experimenters felt much less guilty when they attacked KGB volunteers than when they attacked mice, and third, no matter how hard they tried, there were some things that rats would not do, and the KGB did not have anything that they could not do.
From February 4 to February 11, 1945, Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin held a key summit on the formulation of a new post-war world order and the distribution of interests among the great powers in the Yalta Palace on the Crimean Peninsula in the northern part of the Black Sea of the Soviet Union. At the meeting, Roosevelt and Churchill were passive everywhere, and the two then calculated how to calculate Stalin.
Churchill: "Yesterday I had a dream that I became the ruler of the earth!”
Roosevelt: "Yesterday I had a dream that I became the master of the universe!”
After the two finished speaking, they looked at Stalin triumphantly. Stalin smiled slightly: "Yesterday I also had a dream that I did not approve the appointment of either Mr. Churchill nor Mr. Roosevelt. ”
The change in Soviet society was that in the Stalin era, when strangers knocked on the door, the people in the room stopped telling political jokes and took out the wine. In the Brezhnev era, when strangers knocked on the door, the people in the house began to tell political jokes and hide the wine.
Color TVs produced in the Soviet Union often had ** accidents.
Once, after the color TV **, a reporter who interviewed on the spot said angrily: "This kind of color TV should be shown by the enemy!!."”
Q: Do you read newspapers a lot?
A: Of course, how do you know how happy our lives are?
Q: What is the difference between Izvestia and Pravda?
A: There is no news in Pravda, there is no truth in Izvestia.
Q: What do sappers and newspaper editors have in common?
A: Whoever they are, they can only be wrong once in their lives.
Q: Which is more useful, newspaper or radio?
A: Newspapers, of course. You can't wipe the table with the TV, you can't wipe the butt with the TV, but you can use the newspaper.
The patient asked for an otologist, and the doctor told him that there were only otolaryngologists and ophthalmologists, and there were no otologist, but the patient insisted on seeing an otologist.
The doctor asked, "Are you *** abnormal?"”
The patient replied, "One who sees and hears another." ”
Q: Why does the radio station always say that we have plenty of food but the fridge is always empty?
A: It's good to connect the radio to the refrigerator.
Q: I heard that the houses in the Olympic Village in Moscow are made of special materials, please explain what they are made of?
A: That's right, the composition is 10% cement and 90% microphone.
A: There was a Pharaoh and the Jews, and the Pharaoh went extinct, and the Jews survived;There were once inquisitors and Jews, the former died and the latter survived;There were once Nazis and Jews, the former was exterminated, the latter survived, and now there are Communists and Jews.
B: What exactly are you trying to say?
A: What I'm trying to say is that the Jews may live to the end.
In the area of military exercises, a woman driving a car, stopped by an officer in front of the bridge: "Excuse me, citizen, you can't go over now." ”
Why?"The bridge was blown up an hour ago. ”
Can you tell me what the hell is going on?”
I'm sorry, no, I died an hour ago. ”
Moscow was going to build a subway, and the engineers submitted the plan to Stalin for approval. Soon the scheme came down, with Stalin's signature on it. Attentive engineers found that there was an extra round teacup mark on the drawing, so the Moscow metro had an additional circular line.
Question: Why can't we have a two-party system?
Answer: Damn, you can't afford one party, and if you have two parties, you're crazy!
During the Great Patriotic War, a lower-ranking officer, delivering documents to Stalin, was overwhelmed with the inkwell on his desk, and thick black ink dripped on Stalin's snow-white trousers.
The junior officer was so frightened that his face was pale, he trembled, and he could not say a word. Stalin was very dissatisfied with his performance: "Do you think that Comrade Stalin had only one pair of trousers?”
Lenin said to everyone: "We have one foot on socialism, and the other on communism." ”
An old lady said, "If it takes too long, people will become crutches." ”
Student: "What is a Caspian bream?"”
Teacher: "It's a kind of whale that can swim to communism in one go." ”
Student: "Really?".”
Teacher: "Of course, if you find any Caspian bream that can't swim in communism, it's a counter-revolutionary." ”
Asked: "What is the difference between a rabbit and Khrushchev?"”
Answer: "Rabbits don't like to talk nonsense. ”
The ** of the Brezhnev family rang, and the wife picked up the microphone, and a woman's voice came from inside.
Wife: "Who are you?"”
Woman: "I was his middle school classmate. ”
Wife: "You are certainly not his middle school classmates, Leonid did not attend any school. ”
Q: Does *** still exist?
A: There is still worship, and the individual is gone.
Q: What did Brezhnev's eyebrows look like?
A: It's very similar to Stalin's beard, but at a higher level.
Note: Stalin's beard was dense, Brezhnev's eyebrows were thick)
Jurists, surgeons, architects and communists, arguing whose profession is older:
Jurist: "Listen to me, when God expelled Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, it was a legal act. ”
Surgeon: "Listen to me, when God made Eve out of Adam's ribs, it was surgery. ”
Architect: "Listen to me, God created the world much before that, and before that the world was in chaos, and people lived in caves. ”
Who created the chaos?Communists, of course!The communists shook their fists and roared.
Q: Why was there no unemployment in the USSR?
A: Because everyone is busy, some are busy building, others are busy destroying.
Socialists, capitalists, communists agreed to meet, but socialists were late.
Sorry, I went to the queue to buy sausages. "The socialists apologize.
What is queuing?The capitalist asked.
What is Sausage?The communist asked.
Q: What does a person look like in a communist society?
A: With a pair of small hands, they don't have to do anything, the machine does it for them. With a pair of small feet, they don't have to walk, and they all travel by car, boat, or plane. With a small belly, they eat all high-calorie pills. They also have a huge head in order to rack their brains to find a way to get this pill.
Extended reading:
Strange things, strange things, tragic things, absurd things in the former Soviet Union (**26).
Strange things, strange things, tragic things, absurd things in the former Soviet Union (**25).
Strange things, strange things, tragic things, absurd things in the former Soviet Union (**24).
Strange things, strange things, tragic things, absurd things in the former Soviet Union (**23).
Strange things, strange things, tragic things, absurd things in the former Soviet Union (**22).