1. One day, Li Jingwukong went out for a walk and saw a monk chanting scriptures. Asked the monster next to him: "Who is this monk?"”
The monster replied, "This monk is Guanyin Bodhisattva." ”
Wukong was furious: "It doesn't matter if he Guanyin Bodhisattva is still a Vajra gourd baby, the goblin still recites the scriptures like this." ”
Second, recently WeChat has become popular with the "point point" function, and whoever sends me WeChat will vibrate the mobile phone. One day I was studying in the library, and suddenly my mobile phone vibrate, so I pressed WeChat, and the library bell rang.
All eyes of the library were on me. At that moment, I felt like a prisoner being stared at. For the first time in my life, I hate the WeChat "point" function so much!
3. In the morning, I received a QQ message asking for friends: "I'm your mother!".”
I immediately replied, "I'm your father," and refused.
Then I picked up my mom and said, "Add me, quick!."”
Fourth, my girlfriend came back from out of town, and I made a table of dishes according to the recipe prepared earlier.
My girlfriend was very touched and praised me vigorously: "There has never been a boy who is willing to cook so many dishes for me, I really have a heart!."”
I modestly said, "Actually, I don't cook hard food, except for boiled fish." ”
5. I went to have a barbecue with a buddy last night, and the two tables next to me didn't know why they fought!Benches and beer bottles are used!
My buddy was about to run away when he saw that this was not good, but he ran a step slower and was stuck in the middle!
The buddy immediately raised his hands above his head and shouted: Don't fight, don't fight, I'm innocent!I'm just here for a barbecue!Not here to fight!
6. I was working with my head down, and I felt a little thirsty, so I said to the person next to me: Go and pour me a glass of water.
Colleagues are not happy: why don't you go?
Me: My head is stuck in my desk.
7. When I got up in the morning and found that it was snowing outside, my wife clapped her hands excitedly and said, "Wow, it's snowing, it's snowing, husband, let's go to a snowball fight together!".”
I looked out the window at the snow and said affectionately, "It's so cold now, it would be nice to have a warm wife!".”
8. The subway is very crowded at work today, and there is a girl behind me who likes to talk non-stop.
I was a little impatient, and turned to her, "Beauty, if you twitter like this again, I'll shut your mouth." ”
She replied, "Who's afraid of whom!."You think you're a crab!”
Me: "....
9. Today on the bus, an old man suddenly came up, I didn't even think about it, and decisively gave up my seat.
The old man was very grateful, and after sitting down, he said to me mysteriously, "Young man, what do you have in your pocket?"”
I was a little nervous, and quickly turned my pocket out: "Nothing!".”
The old man took out a bag of melon seeds from his pocket: "That's what I dropped." ”
10. Yesterday I was driving back, and suddenly a person rushed over. I reacted quickly and immediately braked hard to let him pass first. Who knew that he came over and scolded me: "What are you riding a bicycle?".Don't you look at the car ahead?If I hadn't reacted quickly, I would have crashed into it!”
11. When I went to work today, I suddenly felt a little pain in my hand, and after a closer look, I found that it was actually a barb on my hand. So I asked my colleague, "Do you know what the barbs on your hands are?"”
The colleague said, "You have to ask the ** doctor." ”
I asked, "Do you know how to prevent barbs?"”
A colleague said, "Tear less." ”
12. When queuing up at the supermarket today, there was a girl in front of me who put a lot of snacks in the shopping cart. I looked at the contents of her shopping cart and suddenly remembered a joke, so I said to her, "Beauty, your snacks are about to expire." ”
She looked back at me, and then suddenly started crying. I hurriedly comforted her: "Don't cry, don't cry, I didn't mean to." ”
She cried and said, "These snacks were bought for me by my boyfriend, he is very good to me, what do you want me to do?".”
I thought to myself: What does it matter to me!I'm not her boyfriend!I'm not a supermarket babysitter!Why do you want to settle accounts with me!
13. Today I saw a beautiful woman playing with her mobile phone on the bus, and I suddenly wanted to tease her, so I secretly took her mobile phone away. As a result, she chased her until the station to get her phone back. Looks like I'm still very handsome!
14. Yesterday I went to sing with a friend, and there was a song that he stopped singing in the middle of the song. I asked him why he didn't sing anymoreHe said: "I forgot the words in the middle. I said, "That's easy!"Just keep singing along with **. As a result, he replied to me very seriously: "If I sing indiscriminately, people will think that I am a song platform." ”
15. I went out to dinner with a few friends last night, and in the middle of the meal, one of my friends said that he wanted to go to the bathroom. We waited almost an hour for him to come back. We asked him why he was so slow?"I've been running back with a lot of effort!," he saidI didn't expect so many people on the street to be shopping!”
16. When I was at work today, I suddenly received a text message: "I wish your sister good health!".I thought about it and replied, "Thank you for your concern!."But my sister has died. "Then I found out that it was the wrong person. I quickly sent another text message to explain it clearly. It turned out to be a reply, "It's okay!."I wish your sister all the best in the spirit of heaven!"What's going on?!It feels so weird!