I don't know if you've ever felt that way?
There will always be violent mood swings in my heart because of a little thing, and then I will feel that others do not respect me and do not value me. Constantly falling into self-attack, feeling that I am not good here or there. Because of these little things, I let myself fall into internal friction, and I feel that my whole state is like a taut string, and I am angry and can't find an outlet for it. I always feel unfortunate in my life, I always put myself in the position of a victim, I find it difficult to get along with others, and I fall into invisible pain.
This vicious circle of state of mind is actually excessive "self-centeredness". It seems that because he is suspicious and sensitive, he actually has a deeper psychological motivation. Once you fall into self-centeredness, then you will vent because of a trivial matter, feel angry and powerless, and then self-pity and self-pity fall into the victim's thinking, and the result is that you are full of negative energy temperament, difficult to be accepted, and your own painful feelings will be more serious, and you will continue to develop viciously.
01: Behind the continuous high sensitivity and emotionality, there is a personality tendency of "self-centeredness".
"Self-centeredness" refers to a person's judgment and interpretation of things, situations, task relationships, and so on completely according to one's own needs and feelings. People who fall into self-centeredness will unconsciously associate everything and everyone with themselves, as if they are the protagonist of fate and the center of the universe. It is difficult to look at problems from other objective angles, and it is difficult to empathize with others. Such behavior will lead to the expansion of subjective thinking and the infinite amplification of self-feelings.
"Self-centeredness" is easy to cause a "spotlight effect" in getting along. The "spotlight effect" refers to a person's subjective feeling that he or she is being noticed by others, as if a spotlight is always on him, and as a result, he or she will look at the reactions of others as if he were wearing a microscope. Especially when self-centered people have behaviors that are difficult for them to accept, even if others are not paying attention, they will think that everyone will notice their behavior, which is especially easy to cause post-traumatic sequelae. For example, if I send a message to someone and don't get a reply, I will feel that I have said the wrong thing and that I am being hated. This kind of behavior will cause her to desperately want to perform and express herself, always like to talk nonsense, and it is difficult to express the main point.
"Self-centered" people think that the way they treat things should be the way others treat things. People who fall into "self-centeredness", if they are in self-denial, will think that others hate them and that others do not respect them. They will perceive their own negative traits and substitute them into the attitude of others towards them. Even if others are very good to themselves and a normal behavior towards friends, they will interpret it as negative, and they will not understand and accept themselves. They have a typical projective outward mindset that adds a lot of unnecessary worries to themselves.
"Self-centered" people will be particularly harsh on those close to them. They will think that those close to them should abide by the same values and codes of conduct as themselves, especially their loved ones. They will take it for granted that they are good to their lover, and their lover must be good to themselves. Mistakes that you don't make are things that you don't make as a person, let alone a lover. And when the lover says that he is too sensitive and thinks too much, they will infinitely magnify their pain. Unable to see the positive side of the relationship, constantly picking on thorns in the relationship, it is very easy to destroy the relationship.
02: What kind of people are prone to fall into "self-centeredness"?
People who lack strong emotional engagement for a long time are more likely to fall into "self-centeredness". When we were growing up, our parents were our first and most important long-term emotional investment. And when our parents are able to catch the emotions and feelings we felt when we were growing up, our inner emotions can flow naturally, and our emotional performance will become more and more stable. But if our nurturers are only physically present and psychologically vacant in the process of growing up, our need to be seen and understood will be infinitely magnified.
And when we become adults, when this inherent need is awakened, if it is not adequately responded, it will evoke a sense of deprivation and loneliness that has been hidden in our hearts. And because they were ignored in the process of growing up, it made "self-centered" people have a higher ability to empathize than others. The high demand that comes with this high level of empathy happens to generate sensitive feedback. The more sensitive they are, the easier it is to feel lonely, and the more lonely they are, the more their inner world will shrink inward. The more people shrink inward, the more the need to be seen and accepted arises.
If the cycle continues, then at the moment of limit, people who fall into "self-centeredness" will only pay attention to their own pain and only feel their own needs. At this time, they are unable to see others, and they will fall into extreme emotionality. The behavior that manifests itself is:The whole world owes itself a lot of noise or cold violence, refusing all forms of communication. In the eyes of the lover, it is a sign of extreme selfishness. Then our intimacy will also fade because of this, and in the long run, the relationship can only break down. And you will become more and more disappointed in the relationship, and eventually fall into self-isolation.
03: How to get out of "self-centeredness"?
For the "self-centered" person,After getting rid of "self-centeredness", most of the troubles, especially those in intimate relationships, will be solved. To do this, one must be inwardly aware of one's feelings and thoughts in many ways. After thinking more about your emotions, your true thoughts are **Yu**, why was it born. Keep thinking about why you have such thoughts and why you behave like that when problems occur, and find your true self at a deeper level.
When we are deeply aware, it is easier to control our emotions and to free ourselves from intuitive thinking. For example, when we send a message to a loved one and don't get a timely response, if we fall into an emotional breakdown. We can ask ourselves why our lover doesn't respond in time, why do we feel uncomfortable, if we don't respond, it must be that the other party doesn't care about us, must the other party have two hearts?If you deny this to yourself, then ask yourself more deeply. Since it is not necessarily, why does it feel that it must be that the lover does not pay attention to himself and does not care about himself?Where do such worries come from?In such in-depth thinking, you will control your emotions little by little.
In addition,We can also get ourselves out of "self-centeredness" by deliberately training ourselves. When a problem occurs, we can take out a piece of paper and record the emotions and feelings brought by the problem on the left, and the care and desire behind the problem on the right, as well as the various outcomes that may occur. Split the problem and analyze the possibilities. We are deliberately trained to look at things from a perspective that includes both negative feelings and cognitions, as well as positive hopes and motivations.
Adopting this kind of dialectical thinking can improve our self-awareness and make it clear that we are a good person. In the long run, we will gradually become flexible and multi-dimensional, and the perspective of the world and ourselves will not fall into narrow "self-centeredness". And when we are dealing with troublesome emotions, we will also have a more stable emotional core. After deliberately training to achieve Xi, it is easier for us to break free from negative thinking and victim thinking, and have a more stable positive intuition to protect our spiritual core.
04: What kind of person can be emotionally stable?
Many people feel emotionally stable, that is, this person does not vent their emotions indiscriminately. But,True emotional stability refers to having a stable emotional core. It is the ability to accept and embrace one's own truth, and to be able to empathize with one's own inner self. Most of the time, we see emotional stability, but it is only because of various external constraints that our ego restricts our emotional power, so we have so many emotional problems and psychological problems.
Most of the time, most people don't understand why they are triggering emotions, they don't dare to face their inner lack and lack, and they don't dare to face their weak and mutilated parts. Even if it is because of external factors, forcing yourself to restrain your emotional expression and suppress yourself, sooner or later you will fall into depression or irritability. Moreover, this kind of Xi inertia will cause us to have a wrong perception of our emotions, which is manifested as emotions and objective things. At this time, not only the relationship, but also the psychological feelings of the individual, are seriously damaged.
And our true strength must be in the inner self, in our acceptance and appeasement of our true self, and in the part of ourselves that is able to accept the imperfection of the self. When we can accept and grow the imperfect self, it will be easier for us to see the essence of objective things, and it will be easier to get out of "self-centeredness". Seeing your true self and seeing your real people not only makes you an emotionally stable person, but also develops high-quality intimate relationships.