My name is Zhao Qiuju and I am 43 years old. There are two children, the eldest son has just entered college, and the younger daughter is having fun in kindergarten.
My husband and I both work full-time and have a hectic pace of life. Since welcoming our second child, my in-laws have decided to move in with us to share the pressure of my work and childcare.
However, what followed was repeated conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. At the same time, the relationship between me and my father-in-law has always been harmonious.
My father-in-law is 66 years old this year, and although he is retired, he still works hard in a company and receives a good monthly salary.
And my mother-in-law is 68 years old this year, two years older than my father-in-law. She has been living a leisurely life since she retired, not looking for a job again, and enjoying the quiet time of retirement with all her heart. During this time, we have experienced many twists and turns in our family life.
The mother-in-law has shown a strong side all her life. When it comes to cooking, she never asks people about their taste preferences, but insists on deciding dishes according to their preferences. Whatever she wants to eat, she will resolutely make it. Even if the father-in-law occasionally complains, the mother-in-law will respond unceremoniously, even at the cost of damaging the father-in-law's face.
My mother-in-law always emphasized: "I have the final say on my cooking, if you are not satisfied, do it yourself!" ”
Although his father-in-law had a gentle temperament and was impeccable, he was not good at cooking and relied on other people's craftsmanship all his life. Therefore, when the father-in-law felt dissatisfied, he also chose to remain silent and said no more.
My husband has gradually adapted to my mother-in-law's cooking style. For the dishes he likes, he will secretly eat more bites; For those who don't like it, he will say that it has been solved outside. Then, quietly order takeout and bring the food to your room to enjoy alone.
Sometimes, my mother-in-law would find the takeaway box in the trash and stand up in the living room to rebuke my husband. Her reproach was not addressed to my husband alone, but to everyone in the room. Even if we didn't offend my mother-in-law, we would have been splashed with dirty water by her.
The mother-in-law complained: "I worked hard to be a free nanny for you, worrying about your diet and daily life, but you are not satisfied and do not know how to be grateful." I also secretly buy food in private, and I don't ask if I want to eat it, and enjoy it by myself, you waste is really angry! ”
When I heard these words, I felt a little unpleasant. I don't think it would have much to do with me if my son chose to eat alone. If a neighbor hears my mother-in-law reprimanding someone like this, they may mistakenly think that my daughter-in-law is secretly eating takeout.
I tried to explain to my mother-in-law: "Mom, if your son eats takeout, you scold him, don't get involved with me." I've never eaten takeout. ”
However, my mother-in-law was not happy and thought that I was going against her. She said angrily: "I scolded my son, why do you care? This is the house I bought, and in my own house, it's not your turn to take care of me. ”
My mother-in-law's words made me feel very angry. We bought a three-bedroom house, my mother-in-law and father-in-law made a down payment, and my husband and they worked together to earn money to pay off the mortgage every year. Since my in-laws lived with us, they occupied the large bedroom facing the sun of the house, while my husband and I could only live in the small bedroom facing the sun. I feel like we've got a lot of respect for our in-laws.
My mother-in-law does not do all the housework, I do most of the laundry, mopping the floor, and tidying up the room. As for the three meals a day, my mother-in-law is responsible for preparing them. I'm grateful to have a hot meal when I get home. However, my mother-in-law's ability to speak is really unpleasant, always nagging, complaining, and picky, which makes me feel restless.
A few days ago, my mother-in-law suddenly announced at the dinner table: "From tomorrow onwards, I will no longer serve you, I will live my own life and enjoy life." ”
My father-in-law couldn't help but ask, "What are you going to do?" Don't you live at home? The mother-in-law replied, "Don't mind my business, you can't take care of it." ”
Mother-in-law and father-in-law communicate with each other in a displeased tone.
My husband nervously asked, "Mom, what are you going to do?" What kind of life do you want to live? In order to prevent his mother-in-law from getting angry, he hurriedly added: "I care about you, and I'm worried about what to do if you go somewhere else and have some accidents." ”
The mother-in-law responded: "As long as I leave you and stop cooking for you, I will be relaxed and happy." ”
In the face of my mother-in-law's statement, my father-in-law and my husband did not dare to ask again. Of course, I chose to remain silent.
However, the mother-in-law's dissatisfaction did not end. After dinner, we gathered in the living room to watch TV, while I was in my daughter's room, doing crafts with my 4-year-old daughter. However, the mother-in-law began to express her opinion again in the living room.
My mother-in-law said, "Some people don't care about me at all, and I say I'm leaving this house, and some people are not necessarily happy and look forward to me leaving." ”
My husband couldn't help but say, "Mom, can you not talk with a gun and a stick?" Who's going to expect you to go? You are getting older day by day, and with my son, won't I have to provide for my old age in the future? ”
The mother-in-law responded: "Don't talk that nonsense, I'm still feeding you now, and you still say that you are supporting me?" ”
To be honest, I was really unhappy with my mother-in-law's remarks. She actually said she was feeding us? It is true that she cooks three meals a day, but it is my responsibility to wash the dishes after the meal, and I am not lazy in housework such as mopping the floor and doing laundry. Moreover, my husband and I jointly pay for the family's living expenses every month. How did I become the object of her support?
I've never liked listening to my mother-in-law. In private, I once mentioned the idea of living separately to my husband, but because of his filial character, he said that his in-laws helped bring up Erbao, and now it seems unfilial to let them move out to live.
I had to continue to live with my in-laws, and I had to endure my mother-in-law's verbal attacks every day, which was really a torturous time.
However, the next day, my mother-in-law suddenly decided to go on a trip. It turned out that she went on a trip with some old sisters. After my mother-in-law left, there was no one to cook at home, so I took the opportunity of taking annual leave to rest at home for a week.
This week, I had a very good time with my father-in-law. Every day after work, my father-in-law would buy some fruit. Among the fruits he bought were my daughter's favorite strawberries, my husband's favorite apples, and my favorite pears and peaches.
Compared with the mother-in-law, the father-in-law is more thoughtful in buying fruits. When my mother-in-law goes to buy fruit, she always only thinks about what she likes to eat, or takes into account the tastes of her granddaughter and son, but she never goes out of her way to buy the fruit that I like to eat.
My father-in-law cares about me very much, and I naturally take special care of him. My father-in-law prefers harder vegetables, especially stir-fried vegetables, so I often cook some stir-fried garlic, stir-fried long beans and stir-fried green peppers for him. Every time I enjoyed a meal, my father-in-law always praised him with satisfaction: "Xiaoju, the dishes you made are really delicious, I want to eat one more bowl of rice." ”
Imagine if your mother-in-law was present, she might make some suggestions: "Xiaoju, the dish you made is a little hard and the taste is a little salty, did you forget to put MSG?" "Mother-in-law is always like this, no matter how good you do, she always picks out some problems and makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
However, in stark contrast to my mother-in-law was my father-in-law, who was always full of praise and thought the dishes I cooked were delicious.
After the meal, I offered to wash my father-in-law's clothes: "Dad, take off all your dirty clothes, and I'll wash them for you." My father-in-law was very happy and happily took off his clothes and handed them to me. I said, "Dad, the sheets in your room haven't been washed for a week, I'll help you rip them off and wash them." My father-in-law was even more delighted.
My mother-in-law's attitude was very different, and every time she did her laundry, it was accompanied by a series of nagging. When her father-in-law came over with his clothes, she always muttered: "I'm not your nanny, I won't wash you, go wash it yourself!" ”
When I was helping my father-in-law do the laundry, he took the initiative to mop the floor for me. When a mother-in-law is at home, the father-in-law generally does not mop the floor by himself, because once he does, the mother-in-law will be critical and say, "This place has not been mopped yet, don't you see if you mop it again?" Are you like a three-year-old? If you can't even mop the floor cleanly, what else can you do? will eat. ”
If the father-in-law doesn't work and sits on the sofa watching TV, the mother-in-law will also get angry and reproach: "If you don't do anything all day, you expect me to serve you, and I don't want to be your wife for a day." ”
This puts the father-in-law in a dilemma, and whether he does it or not, he has to be blamed. However, when I was with my father-in-law, I always tried my best to compliment him. When he mopped the floor, I complimented him on mopping cleanly; When he bought fruit, I complimented him on how delicious it was. I am willing to serve him no matter what my husband does, because he has great respect for my husband and never complains, only knows how to praise and encourage.
My father-in-law behaved very wisely in family disputes, and even though my husband and I had a fierce argument, he always chose not to intervene. When we were arguing fiercely, the guild said to my husband, "I don't care if you quarrel, but you can't do it, if you do, I'll beat you." ”
My father-in-law's approach made me, my daughter-in-law, grateful. On the contrary, the mother-in-law took a very different attitude. When she saw me arguing with my husband, my mother-in-law would say to me, "Woman, learn to be a good wife and mother, and don't always quarrel with my husband." How good is your husband, who gives you all his salary, and is not picky about eating or dressing, why are you still not satisfied? ”
I have some disagreements in my heart, because my husband's salary is all handed over to me, and I have not saved the money to support my mother's family, nor have I secretly hidden secret funds. I spend all this money on household expenses.
When my eldest son goes to college, doesn't he have to pay tuition? My youngest daughter goes to kindergarten, so I have to pay for the tuition, right? How can the money my husband earn be said to be spent on me? All his income is spent on his children. Besides, I have a higher salary than my husband, and I really can't understand why she thinks he's spending my money.
Still, I couldn't argue with my mother-in-law about it, because as soon as I talked back, she would say that I was going to fight against her.
I always feel heavy with my mother-in-law because she is always fussy about various things and full of complaints. During the days of living with my mother-in-law, I really felt very tired.
And during the period when my mother-in-law was not at home, our family of three got along very harmoniously with my father-in-law. The house was full of laughter, no quarrels, and no pickiness.
One day, I noticed that my daughter's manual skills were relatively poor. In kindergarten, the teacher gave her homework to fold frogs at home, but her daughter couldn't learn anything. I took the trouble to teach her over and over again, but as time went on, my patience ran out and my voice became loud.
At this time, the father-in-law saw the situation. He went to the kitchen, washed a peach that I liked, and washed a strawberry that his daughter liked, and brought it together. My father-in-law said to me, "Xiaoju, you can rest for a while and eat some fruit." Let Erbao also eat some fruit and rest. Wait for a while to rest and finish eating the fruit, and then you teach her slowly. ”
My father-in-law's gentle advice made me realize that the tone of my voice to my daughter was too heavy. I calmed down and enjoyed the fruit with my daughter. After eating the fruit, my father-in-law said to me again: "Xiaoju, you rest for a while, and I will play origami with my little granddaughter for a while." "This kind of heartwarming scene makes me feel a little relaxed.
I didn't know about Guild Origami, so I chose to do something else. From time to time, I heard the sound of my father-in-law and my daughter talking quietly in the room, mixed with the laughter of the two.
After a while, my daughter happily ran out of the room, holding a folded frog in her hand, and handed it to me and said, "This is what my grandfather taught me to fold, is it beautiful?" ”
To be honest, my daughter's folding level is not very high, but it is not easy for her to complete this action. I quickly praised her, saying, "My daughter is awesome!" It's a nice fold. Then I praised my father-in-law: "Grandpa also folded well!" ”
If it were my mother-in-law, she might say, "Don't fold these papers, what's the use of folding that, I won't need it for college entrance exams in the future." "My mother-in-law and I always have our own opinions on the issue of educating the two treasures, so there are often many contradictions.
My father-in-law was very kind to me, and I was naturally grateful to him. Recently, I decided to take my family out for dinner and went to the mall together to pick out a stylish new outfit for my father-in-law. Seeing my father-in-law smiling, I felt very satisfied. He generously bought me and my husband a shirt and a beautiful dress for our lovely Erbao.
As a family of four, every day is full of laughter and warmth. However, with the return of the mother-in-law, life seems to be quickly returning to its former state.
That night, I cooked my father-in-law's favorite stir-fry again, and he was very satisfied. However, my mother-in-law was always picky, saying that the dish was too hard and that there were not enough chili peppers in that dish. No matter what I do, she always finds fault and says it's not delicious.
After the meal, I took the initiative to wash the dishes, and my father-in-law took the initiative to pick up the mop and prepare to clean the floor. But the mother-in-law made some unpleasant remarks and said to her father-in-law: "Alas, why aren't you so diligent when I'm not at home? Who is this for? The father-in-law angrily threw down the mop and responded: "Then I won't do it, come on!" But the mother-in-law said, "Why do you want me to do all this work?" I'm almost 70 years old, and you don't feel sorry for me, but help others work! ”
As time went on, my mother-in-law's words became more and more mean, and I felt helpless and didn't know how to communicate with her. I had no choice but to confide my grievances to my husband. My husband said, "I'll have a good talk with my mother." ”
I told my husband, "Honey, please be sure to communicate with your mother." I only have one small request, which is to hope that she will be less complaining and picky. In the matter between our husband and wife, it is best for her to interfere less, and as for the matter of educating Erbao, please don't interfere too much-".
So, that night, the husband took his mother-in-law out for a walk. It was late when they returned, and the mother-in-law was complaining loudly in the living room.
The mother-in-law said, "Since you don't need me to worry about housework, you can solve the problems between husband and wife by yourself, and I don't have to interfere in the affairs of Erbao, so what's the point of me staying here?" Are you actually suggesting that I leave? She suddenly announced, "Well, in that case, why should I leave your house?" ”
Although the mother-in-law said that she was leaving, she did not actually leave. On the contrary, she kept rebuking me with these words every day, which made me feel very upset. The gentleman's heart-to-heart conversation with his mother-in-law did not seem to work at all.
After that, the mother-in-law's words became more mean. Whenever my father-in-law went out shopping and bought two bags of fruit that contained peaches that I liked, my mother-in-law always said sadly, "Oh, when did you become distressed?" ”
When I mop the floor, if my father-in-law decides to help me do it, my mother-in-law will comment dissatisfiedly: "When did you become so diligent?" Why wouldn't you help me when I mop the floor yourself? ”
Alas, since my mother-in-law returned from her trip, she has become more critical, complaining, and full of dislike for me. How do I deal with this situation? 100 Helping Programs