After a long black November, I finally mustered up the courage to write something, which can be regarded as a kind of farewell to the past!
The article is a bit long, and it's not so much about sharing it as it is about writing it for yourself.
Often a sensational opening is written like this.
By the time you read this letter, I was already on my way to ......of the train ......
Swap it into my script, that is.
By the time you read this, I've decided to give up on my former self.
In the past two years, because of the interruption of **, some friends will ask in the background, what are you doing?Why don't you change it?
For a variety of reasons, I can't give you an explanation.
I can't say that in the past two years, I have been slapped 99 times by life, and in these two years, I feel that there is no joy in living, and I just try to keep myself alive......
I thought that falling into the abyss was the most terrible thing, but when I reached the bottom of the abyss, I realized that there was a bottomless underground river beneath the abyss, and I was still ......sinking, and I was still sinking
In two years, I don't know how many desperate days and nights I have passed, I often wake up crying in the dark, and when the morning really comes, I can't find the motivation to meet this new day like the ashes that have been extinguished, I don't know how long the darkest days of my life will last, the light that I once believed in has not appeared until now, I have made every effort to look around, but my world is still dark. Surgery after operation, is to press the money and pain of the roulette again and again, the money and pain have long been ignored, the consumption of my increasingly meager hope, the real pain is difficult to declare, even my closest friends, I concealed most of the failures, as much as possible to act as if nothing happened to dispel their worries.
I have no power to ask questions about fate, I can only piece together every inch of courage to move forward, I think the last thing in this world should be shared is suffering, and the last thing I need is empathy ......
I don't know what words to use to describe my mood, I just feel numb all over my body, I feel chest tightness when I sit down, I feel so depressed that it is difficult for people to breathe, I can only go out and walk aimlessly, I am like a dog with nowhere to return and get wet in the rain, the songs on the side of the road seem to be telling my story, "I once ruined everything for me, I just want to leave forever, I once fell into the boundless darkness, I want to struggle, I can't extricate myself.......""Sometimes it's tiring to think about dying.
I can't remember how many nights I returned from the hospital to my residence, I didn't dare to turn on the lights, for fear of seeing myself embarrassed in the mirror, and occasionally walked to the window, looked at the lights outside, and slapped myself ...... fiercely
Do you think it's going to hurt?No, because people are numb, as if you have a broken arm, you don't feel how painful the wound on your hand is.
Then why am I suddenly saying this now?
When life is on you after you have cramped and broken bones, and suddenly you are relieved in a moment, you will find that it is nothing more than that, what else can you do?In the miserable way?In the sad little ?..I don't care anymore. I don't know what will happen this time, whether the indicators are suitable, whether the surgery can be done, whether the result is good or not, but I know that although the suffering continues, I can't wait for the so-called light in life, but I endure the pain and try to light a candle in my heart, and I tell myself over and over again, "As long as my heart is full of sunshine, all the gloom can be dissipated."
Life is really overwhelming at times, and the only thing we can do is endure it.