Wen Zhifei's 253rd original article - 1 more per week
Adler's psychology believes that "all troubles come from the troubles of relationships". Conversely, our happiness is also in our relationships.
Although education is very volatile now, the vast majority of parents are more concerned about whether their children are happier and happier in school than grades
A Ph.D. from Harvard University did a study that studied 724 participants over a period of more than 70 years, from 1938 to 2009, and Dr. Waldinger finally concluded:
For 75 years, our research has shown time and time again that people who are connected to family, friends, and society live better lives. ”
It also means that "social competence" is the most critical ability to achieve happiness and satisfaction.
Of course, there are many factors that contribute to happiness, but the most relevant and important is a person's "social skills".
If school is mainly about teaching more knowledge, in fact, school is "the best place for children to exercise their social skills".
Because school is also a small society, it is an excellent place to practice, feedback, optimize, and improve children's social skills.
In particular, the most common problem encountered by children when they first enter primary school is social problems, and they do not know how to deal with the relationship with teachers and classmates.
Of course, a way of life that pleases everyone is also an extremely unfree way of life, and at the same time something that is impossible to achieve.
Although it can't be liked by everyone, at least it can be done without hating.
The most important thing to achieve happiness is a person's social skills, how to improve social skills?
Teacher Li Xiaolai mentioned in "AI Intelligent Family Education" that priority should be given to the "advantages" of others rather than "disadvantages". Cons" can be put aside for the time being.
One of the most important bottom lines of socializing, "not annoying", this method is enough to make your child at least not annoying.
If you can't do this, you won't be able to talk about influence or even personal charm in the future. The ability to "not get bored" is that you can practice Xi in school.
In fact, adults and children improve their social skills in the same way: paying more attention to the strengths of others and sincerely encouraging others is the most important way to achieve happiness.
Teacher Wu Jun said that people have no advantages and disadvantages, only characteristics;
Always see each other's shortcomings, so it is not very good to deal with them in interpersonal relationships. We believe what we see and what we will get in the end, which is called self-fulfilling prophecy.
A piece of paper has a front and a back, and it's the same for everyone. Teaching children to look at a person from a different perspective and look at a thing from a different perspective can not only improve children's empathy but also exercise children's thinking skills.
When my son first entered the third grade, because the new teacher was stricter, he would often ask him to rewrite his homework and even call his parents, but the child's attitude towards learning Xi did improve.
But the child didn't get used to it for a while, and always felt that the new teacher hated him for deliberately finding fault, so he was very resistant to the new teacher.
How to guide children to deal with this relationship and make the two better?
Raise the childSociability: Ask a few questions a day
1. Which students are liked by everyone, and what are the advantages?
2. What are the advantages and what are the benefits and origins?What do you need to do to have the same benefits?
3. Why pay attention to the shortcomings of others so that we do not benefit, and may even suffer.
When it comes to developing children's social skills, there is no discussion more thoughtful and valuable than this.
In addition, the child is often criticized by the teacher, resulting in the child disliking the teacher very much, how to deal with it at this time?How can we ease the relationship between them?
Of course, going to school is not about getting liked by teachers, but the correct and reasonable handling of social relationships can at least make children happy.
Then to go a step further, parents need to discuss and study with their children:
4. What are the advantages of the teacher you don't like?
You will find that the more the teacher your child dislikes, the more he can't even say a good thing about the teacher, or he doesn't want to think about it at all.
Everyone has strengths, and even if the teacher is bad, it is difficult to be hostile to a small child. Even if the teacher really doesn't teach well, as long as the pre-Xi and re-Xi are done seriously, in fact, this teacher is not too bad.
After two or three times of guidance, my son said that the teacher's handwriting was very beautiful, he was very strict with his classmates, and everyone was very serious in class. (Although the child is still reluctant to speak out about the teacher's strengths).
Mark, a university professor at Stanford. Granovetter put forward the famous theory of strong and weak relations, he pointed out that the most contact and contact between each person is often his family, relatives, friends, colleagues, classmates, etc., which is a very stable and very close "strong relationship", and people have feelings between each other.
There is a very broad social connection in addition to a strong relationship – called a weak relationship. People don't have a close relationship with each other, and they don't have much affection to maintain.
"Weak ties" are simply understood as: "friends of friends and relationships with strangers." ”
Of our contacts, 20% are strong connections and 80% are weak connections.
People who have better relationships with family, friends, classmates, and colleagues have a better life. Relationships with these people, we can call "strong relationships", are important to improve the child's well-being.
As Dr. Waldinger sums it up: "People who are in tune with family, friends, and society are better off." ”
Don't indulge in the virtual web worldAs mentioned in the previous article, children should not watch TV or watch various electronic screens all kinds of times, which is harmful to the brain structure.
Virtual social networks are actually weak relationships, and the more you care about weak relationships and the more time you spend on weak relationships, then you will not have time to neglect to maintain strong relationships.
If we want to have a happy and happier life, for our children or us, it is always the strong relationship that is more important, and the weak relationship is secondary.
Parents should take their children out for more activities, start from their side, make more friends in life, and be confident.
Exercise more, and you will make more friends during sports, such as playing basketball, swimming, Go, etc., and you will meet friends with similar temperaments as you.
For those secular social concepts and market social rules, parents should correct them in time and tell their children that the most important thing is their own brain health and their own brain construction.
Socializing is more about learning Xi and making progress together, because these are really happy and meaningful things. As for who will be useful in the future, who will have money and who will have a background, and who can help whom, that is not something we consider, because the core is that we are enough on our own.
Munger said:"The surest way to get what you want is to make yourself worthy of it"。
If you can't do it yourself, you have to rely on others, but if you can't do it, others can't look down on you, and you can't rely on others.
If you want to be friends with good people, then you must first become good people.
So how to get better and better: hard work.
Teacher Li Xiaolai pointed out in one sentence: hard work is to repeat enough in a short period of time. The more places you work hard, the better, and as long as you learn enough, you will meet people who have learned more than you.
You can play with excellent people and learn Xi together, and in addition to them, everyone else is also valuable, at least there is value for observation.
The core mechanics of progress are:
By observing the failures of others, summarizing and improving their own experiences, gaining their own lessons, and then avoiding failure, we are closer to success, that is, progress
100% of the value of social interaction comes from the spiritual level, in fact, all social networking with the goal of the material level is impossible to cost-effective.
From "The Courage to Be Hated" mentions:
There is a passage in Judaism: "If there are 10 people, 1 of them will judge you no matter what happens to you." He hates you, and you don't like him.
Also, 2 out of 10 people will be good friends with whom you accept everything. The remaining seven are neither. ”
People who lack happiness will only focus on the person who hates them to judge the "world", and should focus more on you and your friends who accept each other.
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