Long tail Lang tail is long, marry a daughter-in-law and forget her mother, carry her mother to the ravine, carry her daughter-in-law to the kang head, roll oil cakes and cook spicy soup, and scoop it up if you don't eat it.
In fact, at first glance, it seems to be a ballad about a son's unfilial piety, but in fact, if you think about it, it has a deeper meaning.
It means that even if a son marries a daughter-in-law, he cannot forget his mother's nurturing grace, but what man will forget his mother when he marries a daughter-in-law?
It can't be said that there is none, and even if there is, it is rare.
In fact, its deeper meaning is the battle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
The so-called mother-in-law and daughter-in-law war is a snatching war.
The son was born to his mother, and before he found a daughter-in-law, he put his mother first, and when he married his wife, he was bound to put his wife first.
At this time, the mother will feel unbalanced, why her son who has worked so hard to raise has been snatched away by that woman and is not close to her.
This is the reality, and it is also the main reason for the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law war.
So how do mothers-in-law, sons, and daughters-in-law get along with each other is the right way to open?
That is, "marrying a daughter-in-law and forgetting her mother" is the right reason.
Why?Because the son has grown up and has his own family, he has already been separated, in order to make their husband and wife harmonious, as a mother, she should not interfere in her son's family, just be yourself.
Wu Zhihong once said: "The essence of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a triangular relationship, a war between two women competing for a man." ”
01 Mother-in-law is not strong
In fact, it is different from the past, both women and men have jobs now, and although there are many problems, the problems now are obviously different from the past.
In the past, it was generally the male protagonist and the female protagonist. The man is engaged in business outside, and all the expenses of the family are basically supported by him, while the woman can only take care of the children and work hard to support the family.
To a large extent, although men have money in place, feelings are missing. Or maybe this man didn't make much money, and he didn't pay much emotionally.
In the end, this housewife not only has to work hard to support the family, but also does not get the affection she needs.
It is inevitable that their emotions will have no sustenance, and children will become their only emotional sustenance.
Although the child is a child on the surface, in fact, to a large extent, the child also assumes part of the role of the husband to varying degrees.
Although sons are not very good at expressing themselves or are not aware of it, they subconsciously know what their mother needs, and even if they can't do it, they will take the initiative to please their mother, take the initiative to praise their mother, and take the initiative to meet some of their mother's emotional needs.
At this time, the mother is used and enjoyed, she feels that the child has grown up and is sensible, knows her own suffering, and knows how to help herself, but after her son gets married, it will be different.
At this time, the mother is lost, anxious, and suffering from gains and losses.
First, she was glad that her son had grown up and married, and she didn't have to take care of it herself, and she was also relatively lost.
It turns out that the son only has himself, and the son's emotions are all in himself, but now that he is married and has a wife, the emotions that are bound to be placed on himself have shifted.
At this time, the mother who has put her emotions on her son for many years will have a strong sense of loss and feel the emotional gap.
At the same time, her subconscious will also regard her daughter-in-law as an enemy, an intruder, at this time, they will find it difficult to accept, and at the same time, they will also find all kinds of faults with their daughter-in-law, and even fight for it with confidence.
Do they know it's wrong?
They may or may not be aware of it.
The reason why such a problem occurs is because of the lack of husbands, and those parents who have a good relationship with their husbands and wives rarely have such a thing.
Although they also poured their feelings into their son, their own emotions were full.
The husband gives them the most affection, even if their son gets married, they will not be too disappointed.
And they will live better in their two-person world, and they are also very friendly to their daughter-in-law.
Because they understand that only by treating their daughter-in-law well will she love her son and grandson better.
I want to understand this, and as a daughter-in-law, I will also understand why my mother-in-law crossed the line.
Understand the reason, as a mother-in-law, you should better set an example, and as a daughter-in-law, try to give your mother-in-law a period of time, let her adapt, and try to achieve family harmony.
02 The daughter-in-law is neither humble nor arrogant
Wu Zhihong emphasized: "A harmonious family, after all, puts the small family in the first place and the wife in the first place. ”
The son who grew up in the above kind of family, she will also be influenced by the family, and she will also be afraid of her mother, and she will not dare to get close to her wife subconsciously.
He thought that if he got too close to his wife, he would betray his mother.
Therefore, when there is a conflict between his wife and his mother, and there is a dispute, he will want his wife to let his mother go, either saying that she is an old man after all, or saying that she is also for our good, and so on, so as to make his wife compromise.
And what should be done when something really goes wrong?
Is it the wife who compromises, or the mother-in-law who gives in?In fact, the reason why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have been in constant conflict is because we have reversed the problem.
So is there any other problem with the reason for the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law besides competing for this man?
In fact, not only because of the competition for this man, but also because of the power issue.
In other words, should the mother have the final say, or the wife should have the final say?
In fact, this is often reversed.
For example, when my mother-in-law came to our house to see her grandson, I told her not to chew the food and feed the child, which was unhygienic, but she didn't listen and didn't let her dress the child too much, but she didn't say that she was afraid that the child would freeze, and the child was always covered in sweat.
I kept telling her that she always didn't listen, and I was embarrassed to turn her face, but that day, I saw her chewing and feeding the child while guarding her husband, and I was very angry, so I communicated with my husband.
Actually, my husband also agrees with me, but my husband said that when he was young, his mother raised him like this.
That's why he turned a blind eye, and he also felt that he was raised by his mother in this way, so he didn't pay much attention to it, and he forgot all the things I told him at the time, and he paid attention to it later.
Sometimes, when I was tired and didn't want to work, I tried to let my husband do it, but my mother-in-law often rushed to do it, and even often knocked on the side, and even said that the daughter-in-law who was knocked down and kneaded the soft dough should not spoil the daughter-in-law too much.
That time I came to a good thing, I didn't want to move, and I got a little bit on the sheets, I asked my husband to wash it, and my husband actually pushed three walls and four, and he didn't want to wash, he was afraid that his mother would talk about him.
At that time, I was very angry, I was not feeling well, let you wash things, your mother is here, you can't wash it, this really makes me angry.
At that time, I turned my face with him, and then I called my mother-in-law over and made it clear.
In the end, my mother-in-law insisted on washing it, so I told her that no one could wash this thing, so he had to wash it.
In the end, my husband washed the sheets.
Of course, the mother-in-law finally changed the matter of chewing and feeding the child. If I don't, I'm sorry, I'll have to choose someone else.
She cherished her grandson and was reluctant to leave, so she had to change it.
I have to make her understand that this is in our house, and if it is in their house, she has the final say, I will not fight, but in this house, I am the real hostess.
03 My husband is not anxious
Wu Zhihong gave a very intuitive example. He said: After his son got married, his mother-in-law always found fault with his daughter-in-law when he came, and he disliked him in various ways, which caused constant war in the family.
Later, the son was anxious, he didn't say his wife, but said directly to his mother: "Mom, I love you very much, but when you come, we will treat you well, but you can't always pick on my daughter-in-law's discomfort, this is our home." ”
He took me in his arms and continued, "That home is your home, and now you and your father are the same family, don't be confused?"”
Although my husband was a little joking when he said it, my mother-in-law is also a smart person, and since then, she has not come to our house much, and even if she comes, it will not be the same as before.
In fact, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are very innocent, if it weren't for this person's son, they probably wouldn't have intersected in this life.
They all say that in different times and different families, they must have different personalities and temperaments, and it is normal to have contradictions.
Not to mention them, even the husband and wife have gone through a long run-in process before they slowly adapt, not to mention the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Since these two people came together because of men, the attitude as men is even more important.
In fact, if you put it this way, the two women will have a lot less to do, and as a man, they will be more comfortable, and they will not be splinted in the middle for the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and they will not be in a dilemma because they can't distinguish right from wrong.
But in real life, it is often extraordinary not to commit such a man, as long as there is a war between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he will be round left and right, and mud, as an ostrich.
No one dares to offend in the middle, and no one wants to offend, but it will intensify the contradiction and make it more difficult for you.
It is likely that because of the son's inability to maneuver, in the end, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law rose to the conflict between husband and wife, and finally the relationship broke down and went their separate ways.
If you can do it like the son Wu Zhihong said and explain your position, why worry about the unstable marriage and the disharmony and perfection of the family.
Write at the end:
In fact, "marrying a daughter-in-law and forgetting your mother" is the ultimate product of the family, after all, when the child is older and married, he should support a family, and as a parent, he should also let go.
Animals know that when they push their grown children out, are we humans worse than them?
It's better to let go of what should be done, let them live their lives, and let's live our own lives.