Keywords: sister and brother love, high-level boys
Q:We are sisters and brothers who are six years old, in the same unit of the eighteenth-tier small county system.
Because of the increase in work communication, they are attracted to each other.
We have been together for more than half a year, living together for more than three months, we are very comfortable with each other, the atmosphere of communication is very happy, he takes care of me very much, is very careful, and respects me, rushes to do housework, and spends money on me within his own financial ability is also very generous.
His own conditions are average, his education is not as high as mine, his family's economic situation is not as good as mine, his father is not in good health, he is an ordinary bank employee, and his mother is a primary and secondary school teacher.
My parents are more open-minded, my father is a cadre in the system, and my mother has retired, I met him once before, but I didn't like him at first, and they also persuaded me that the age difference was a bit big, so let me think about it again.
But after listening to me, I also felt that the boy was better for me, and the conditions were not particularly bad, so he respected my choice and agreed to investigate again.
But his parents strongly opposed it, and he did not dare to resist violently because of his father's health.
I carefully considered our conditions, and objectively speaking, except that he was younger than me, everything else was inferior to me.
Maybe we haven't been together for too long, and I still haven't found out what the negative impact of his original family has brought him, and I sometimes think it's a bit of a miracle that he can grow like this.
I don't understand why his family is obsessed with age, I'm only 30 and I'm not dying old.
His mother is relatively strong at home, and the family atmosphere is not as relaxed and harmonious as mine.
He came home on National Day and told his parents about us, he said that we were very happy together, and said that I was a good person and my family's conditions were good, but his mother just didn't listen and didn't understand, crying and scolding moral kidnapping.
He was very uncomfortable, his parents did not agree to his sister's marriage before, and his father was so angry that he had a sudden cerebral infarction and was almost not saved.
He didn't dare, and I didn't know what to do. I also persuaded myself to break up, I deserved better.
But it took eight years after graduation for me to meet someone I liked again, and I thought I could finally spend the rest of my life with the person I liked, but I didn't expect this to be the case.
He said he still liked me, but he felt like we couldn't go any further. I don't know if it's going to be over or not, it's hard.
A:In the above story, the heroine still doesn't know what happened. My response to this story is threefold.
First, the truth of the relationship.
In this relationship, there are two important truths that the heroine has not yet discovered.
1. Truth one.
There is a type of boy, even if they break up, their ex-girlfriends will still miss him in their hearts. The heroine's boyfriend is such a high-level boy.
We can see from ** that he is a high-level boy?
Eight years after graduation, the heroine met someone she liked very much, which shows that the heroine's requirements are quite high.
But the heroine and her boyfriend have been dating for three or four months and then live together, and the speed of cohabitation is very fast.
The heroine's boyfriend can make the heroine who has been single for eight years live together so quickly, which shows that his relationship management ability is very strong.
The heroine said that she had been living together for more than three months, she was very comfortable with each other, the atmosphere of communication was very joyful, her boyfriend took good care of her, was very careful, and respected her, and rushed to do housework.
This once again proves that the boyfriend's relationship management ability is stronger than that of the heroine, and the relationship value he creates is much higher than that of the heroine.
The so-called relationship value is to make the other person feel comfortable and happy in the relationship.
The boyfriend's care and housework are rushed to do, which is to make the heroine happy at the physical level;The boyfriend's carefulness and respect make the heroine happy at the spiritual level.
Moreover, he can also make the heroine feel that "he is also very generous in spending money on me within his financial ability", and his emotional intelligence is very high.
Let's translate this sentence, his income is not high, and the money he spends on the heroine is not very much, but he can make the heroine feel that he is very sincere and is trying to spend money on the heroine, which makes the heroine very satisfied.
Therefore, the heroine said that the two of them get along very comfortably, but in fact, it is not that the heroine's emotional ability is strong, but that the boyfriend's emotional ability is much higher than that of the heroine, and the boyfriend is backward compatible with the heroine.
This is the first truth of the relationship.
2, Truth II.
There is a second truth in this relationship. This truth may be a little heart-wrenching for the heroine.
But the heroine can only make the right choice after seeing the truth.
All our choices must be based on the truth.
What is the second truth?It's the guy who wants to break up.
The strong opposition of the boy's parents is just a step for the boy to leave.
Although the heroine said that it was very happy to live together for three months, most of these joys were created by boys. In these three months, the boy's favorability towards the heroine has plummeted.
The boy said that he still liked the heroine very much, but he felt that the two of them couldn't go on. This is what he said to the heroine.
He wants to take advantage of his parents' opposition to let himself get out of the relationship with the heroine.
Of course, just because we show his behavior doesn't mean that we agree with it. We encourage everyone to be honest in their relationship and to oppose his behavior.
The boy has established a very good image in the mind of the heroine. As the heroine said, "I haven't found out what the negative impact of his original family has brought him, and I sometimes think it's a miracle that he can grow like this."
The implication is that the heroine thinks that the boy's parents are very poor, while the boy is very good.
The boy successfully threw the pot of breakup on his parents, and he maintained a very good image in front of the heroine.
The above are the two truths of this relationship:
1. The emotional ability of boys is much higher than that of the heroine, and the boys are backward compatible with the heroine.
2. The boy wants to break up. The opposition of his parents was only one of his reasons.
Second, the situation of relations.
We often talk about the need to "take advantage of the situation". Before optimizing a method, take advantage of it.
The heroine's judgment of the situation of this relationship has made a big mistake.
From the external cause, this is because her boyfriend has been holding her, making her mistakenly think that she has a high pattern in this relationship.
From the internal point of view, this stems from the heroine's perception of the relationship, which is wrong.
1. Error one.
From the description of the heroine, we can feel that the heroine has a strong sense of superiority in front of her boyfriend.
Why does the heroine have a sense of superiority?Mainly because the conditions of the heroine's house are better than the man's house.
The heroine said that her father was a cadre in the system, and her boyfriend's parents were ordinary bank employees.
Here, a word for the heroine: The strength of your parents is not your value.
If a man is with you because of the strength of your parents, he will definitely not love you.
2. Error two.
In the cognition of the heroine and the heroine's parents, conditions are very important.
But in a relationship, in addition to the economic value brought by the conditions, the value of the relationship is also very important, if not more important.
Economic value is the manifestation of masculine energy. Relational value, on the other hand, is the manifestation of negative energy.
The heroine said, "I carefully considered our conditions, and objectively speaking, except that he was younger than me, everything else was inferior to me", and the heroine added an important cognition - the value of the man's relationship is much higher than yours.
His relationship ability allows him to have a lot of choices in the marriage market.
What's more, he is only 24 years old now, and he still has a lot of years to choose a mate.
Third, how to break the game?
Next, how will the female protagonist break the game?
The heroine must improve her relationship management ability, from what aspects to improve?
1. Perception.
The heroine's perception is very weak, so she can't see what the truth of this relationship is and what the situation is.
Women mainly improve their perception skills, learn to see the real needs, thoughts and feelings of others, and learn to judge situations.
2. Communication skills.
From what the heroine said, "I'm only 30 and I'm not dying old", we can feel the aggression in the heroine's language. The heroine will attack herself as well as others.
This kind of attack will be embodied in sarcasm, accusations, complaints, and so on.
The woman has to change her communication style.
For example, the sentence "I'm only 30 and I'm not too old to die" can be changed to "I'm only 30 years old, and I don't feel old." My boyfriend's parents are concerned about my age, and I feel sad, angry, and confused."
3. Relational cognition.
The heroine's cognition of the relationship is not systematic, and the heroine mainly establishes a cognitive system of the relationship.
Combined with the three dimensions of our [Mission Psychology] life, each dimension of love is different.
The heroine must at least understand what love is like in the one-dimensional survival dimension and what love in the two-dimensional life dimension is like.
Above, I respond to the heroine from three aspects: the truth of the relationship, the situation of the relationship, and how to break the situation. Welcome the heroine to continue to connect with us, bless the heroine.
The main creative team |Leng Ai, Fang Xiang, Sissi, Wison, Ke Hui, Cedar.
The illustrations in this article, any **, newspapers, television stations, companies, organizations and individuals, without authorization, may not be used in part or in full.