Different people will behave differently in the face of love, not sweet words are true love, nor are they silent or thin.
Teacher Mo Yan once said:
The ultimate liking is more like a reunion between oneself and another self in the next life. Willing to bloom for each other for no reason, and hopelessly invested for each other, this is the ultimate like.Therefore, to judge whether a man is in love with you, do not look at what he says, but look at whether he has these four aspects of performance.
As long as a man has one or two of them, he is already in love with you, and if all of them are, it means that he has loved you to the bone.
In love, the most likely conflict between partners is nothing more than that"I want you to change"., but as the saying goes, the country is easy to change, and it is difficult to change a person.
The psychologist Carl Jung once said:
You don't even have the idea of changing someone.That is, even if your original intention is for his good, it is difficult to convince him to change. So what to do?Is there only two ways to tolerate or break up?Of course not, there is a third way: he takes the initiative to change.
Gottman says in his book "A Happy Marriage":
In fact, people only change their behavior when they feel liked and accepted by others.So,Man can take the initiative to change himself, but only if he can feel loved and loved, accepted and accepted. It's a whole, and it's all indispensable.
In He Yisheng Xiaomo", He Yichen, who lost his father and mother, has been alone during college, and his requirement for himself is to study hard, although there are many ** around him, he was unmoved, until he was "entangled" by Zhao Mosheng.
Gradually, He Yichen, who was invincible to all poisons, began to waver, until he took the initiative to convince himself and said to Zhao Mosheng:
If you're destined to be my girlfriend in three years, then why didn't I exercise my rights sooner?We all know that although Zhao Mosheng chased people vigorously, he never dared to trespass. He Yichen completely relied on "self-strategy" to help Zhao Mosheng win the battle of love.
So,Whether a man really loves you depends on whether he is willing to take the initiative to change because of your love.
Seven years later, when He Yichen saw Zhao Mosheng again, he couldn't help himself, and the iceberg had been depressed for ten thousand years before he broke the personality, but the partners could see his changes.
However, when he learned that Zhao Mosheng had been divorced, He Yichen was still stunned, he misunderstood that Zhao Mosheng forgot that he had turned his head and fell in love with someone else, so his heart ached, and he said without words:
Why do you think I would want a divorced woman?But early the next morning, he hurried to call Zhao Mosheng to apply for a marriage certificate before he went on a business trip.
Actually,Since He Yichen saw Zhao Mosheng for the first time, all his personal bottom lines have not existed.
When I first met, Zhao Mosheng took He Yichen's ** and was caught, and he was unashamed to reason with him, but he was rebuffed:
I advise you not to discuss the issue of ownership with a law school student.Seven years later, Zhao Mosheng picked up He Yisheng's wallet, and when he saw the one-inch photo of himself inside, he was scolded again
Miss Zhao, I advise you not to discuss the ownership of the item with a lawyer.Although the words were cold, his performance was not so cold.
Is it why Yichen is so easy-going with anyone, no, he asked Zhao Mosheng:
Do you want to come back to me now?I'm not going to waste too much time on this, and I'm not interested in getting to know someone again and running a relationship, so you're the best fit.He Yichen really has no familiar women around him, do you need him to reacquaint himself with newcomers?Of course not, the first to bear the brunt is He Yimei who is familiar enough with him, and she also has a soft spot for him.
Therefore, this is just an iceberg's pretext, and the truth is that He Yichen is unwilling to break his bottom line:
If that person had ever appeared in the world, everyone else would have become a general. And I don't want to settle.So,He Yichen's bottom line will only rise and fall with Zhao Mosheng, and he is unbreakable to everyone else, this is love. Haruki Murakami said
People who are really good to you are in the details, people will lie, but the details will not, love is the details, and neither is love.A man who truly loves you will definitely put you into his future, that is, no matter how he plans, you are an essential consideration.
He doesn't just think about his own development, and he doesn't ignore your future and feelings, which is very different from a man who thinks before and after, and compares left and right.
Perhaps, some people will say that such a man is a love brain, but in fact he is notThey are just rational and dedicated, responsible for themselves and their loved ones.
He Yichen lived in He Yimei's house, and he didn't want to bring more burdens to others, so he studied hard Xi but he didn't want to study abroad.
The senior sister who couldn't love him was jealous and spoke coldly to Zhao Mosheng"Do you really think it's a man of the hour?It's just a poor boy who got an exchange place, and he didn't give it to me. ”
And Zhao Mosheng, who has been bullied by her but is silent, did not flinch at the moment, she said clearly:
How many people come from poor backgrounds, but get ahead;How many people are noble-born, but they are thrown into the clouds, why Yichen must be the former!
He Yichen should have been at this moment, connecting himself and Zhao Mosheng tightly, and he solemnly said to himself:
As long as it's three or four years, I'll make sure you have a good life.This is not a love brain, but a commitment to each other by a man who truly loves you, and it is also a source of motivation for his future struggle. Zhou Guoping once said:
The feelings that really move people are always unpretentious, they are silent, they are not public, and they are buried deeply.We all know that partners in love should pay attention to each other's emotions, psychology professor Gottman suggested"Managing love with high emotional intelligence"., of course, includes providing emotional value.
That is,Good love, a man who truly loves you, will put your emotions first at all times.
He Yichen was very cold, especially when he saw Zhao Mosheng again seven years later, but he was still involuntarily drawn by Zhao Mosheng's joys, sorrows, and sorrows.
When all the misunderstandings were resolved and the two were ready to welcome a beautiful new life, Zhao Mosheng's "ex-husband" Ying Hui came to him, and he wanted to recover his "wife".
What He Yichen didn't expect was that Ying Hui actually tricked Zhao Mosheng and gave her a fake divorce certificate. He Yichen knew that this was a tough battle, but he believed in Zhao Mosheng's love for him, and he didn't want her to worry about it.
So, as soon as the front foot sent a lawyer's letter to the "ex-husband's brother", the back foot tied up his lover Zhao Mosheng and flew thousands of miles away for his honeymoon.
So,A man who truly loves you will not stand on the moral high ground to condemn you, but stand by your side and laugh with you.
Because, he cares about your emotions a lot, in addition to providing emotional value, it will also block unnecessary harm for you.
Seeing the Emotional Value of the book
In a marriage relationship, emotions are worth tens of thousands of dollars, and only by catching each other's emotions can they hold each other's hearts.Love, marriage, emotion
About the Author:
I'm Qingcheng. A psychologist with temperature, ** is a life recorder.
Chat with you, taste books, and return to the countryside after reading a thousand sails!